He's leaving me

[Stardust286]

Basically I have little to no desire to have sex, it's been this way for months. I have a physically and mentally demanding full time job, I come home from work and I walk the dog (the high energy dog that DP wanted) have to tidy the house (DP doesn't clean up after himself often) so by the time I get to bed I am shattered and the last thing I want is sex. He also works full time in a managerial role, once he finishes work he sits down, I on the other hand cannot sit down until the house is tidy and jobs have been done.
It's all come to a head and he says he's leaving due to lack of intimacy. I don't know how to feel, gutted our 9 year relationship is fizzling out, we don't have date nights or go out much together anymore either. We have sex a couple of times a month but it's not enough for him. I wish I wanted it more but I just can't be arsed I can't seem to get in the mood and I think if he wants to leave me because of that and throw away 9 years then so be it 😭 also I'm only 35 and not peri

Another vote for the above!

When you have a stressful job and then come home and have to be his manger/mother, where is the sexiness in that?

To be honest, if someone left me because they weren’t getting sex, I’d say “off you go.” I’d even pack their bag. I’m human, not a robot.

We all go through periods of ups and downs in our relationships but if he’s calling it quits now, then let him go.

I’ve been in two long relationships since my teens. Both were pushy about sex. I’m now in my early thirties and did try to date but gave up. I’m honestly the happiest I’ve been. Some days I don’t even want a man to talk to me let alone date me 😂.

I think you’ve had a lucky break.

The way he’s behaving he sounds more like a child than a contributing partner so I’m not surprised you dont feel like sex much! Taking responsibility for everything that needs doing isnt sexy and you’re (unsurprisingly) exhausted. It sounds like it’s time to amicably accept his offer to end the relationship and look to the future with your lovely doggy. I imagine your workload at home will reduce a
lot without him and you will feel less tired.

I’m not sure why you mentioned walking the dog like it’s a chore but then you go on to say you can’t live without it. It seems like you’re fine to do it?

Him not pulling his weight around the place is a massive issue, it would kill anyone's attraction really. No one wants to mother a grown man.

IMO sexually incompatible relationships just don’t really work. Sex is an essential part of a romantic relationship for most people. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything “wrong” with you, it’s just that you’re not compatible.

He is a lazy, selfish, man child who priorities his needs and wants above yours and your wellbeing. I don't blame you for having gone off of him. None of that is attractive or a turn on.

For me, resentment and lack of emotional intimacy has killed me drive. We can't have a conversation without defensiveness, diverting the conversation or stonewalling. In sick of begging for scraps of support or attention. I actually tell him what I feel and shat support I need and he sits there and says nothing. It's like talking to a wall. It's incredibly lonely.

You think you've wasted 9 years. I wish I'd left at 9 years. You don't want to waste 9 years so you invest more years that you also don't want to waste. It won't get any easier to leave.

Just let him go. His type of love isn't worth having. You've wasted nothing. The relationship lasted a season and now it's time for a different one.

Yes the house is mine luckily. Don't get me wrong he works hard, sometimes 14 hour days, but so do lots of other men I know and they don't treat their house like a doss house, working from home he doesn't clean up after himself if he's made himself dinner because "he's working." Doesn't tidy up on a weekend because "he's tired because he's been at work all week." Maybe my expectations are too high?
Either way he hasn't made any effort to speak to me since yesterday so I know in my heart to let him go

I could have written the same 18 months ago, v similar age to you and two DC. Husband and I ended up separating. I met someone new and I’ve got from no interest in sex to a very active sex life (when minimal free time permits!) overnight. It’s more than a physical attraction, it’s sexy when he cooks me dinner, takes an interest in my day, picks me up my fave chocs just because or does the washing up when I’ve cooked and like another poster said, basically it’s because I’m not mothering him, we feel like a team. To paraphrase Paloma Faith, foreplay is more than someone spitting on their fingers and rubbing, it’s about your entire interactions!!!

Get his bags packed and kick him out. What a big mistake he’ll realise he has made. Oh well!

Aw I'm glad you found someone that makes you feel like that. That made me realise that that's what my relationship has gone from, the cute little things he did, quality time spent together, laughing at stupid things, now I can't even remember the last time I really laughed or even felt content 😫

Sounds like it’s over OP. Sorry.

Your expectations are certainly not too high.
He’s doing FA in exchange for an exceptionally high standard from you. Get rid with the dog which will show you what unconditional love means.

I don’t think you’re selfish; your home life doesn’t sound like it’s equitable. Let him go and have a look over the fence. The grass is rarely greener as they say. Your life on the other hand will likely be less demanding in all regards.

Sounds like he's thinking you're suddenly going to do the dance.

I'd be telling him that he's right. That you deserve someone who does it for you and he can leave asap please. You're looking forward not to have to pick up after a man who doesn't appreciate you anymore.

Get a date that he's going.

There are people we want more and people we want less. We might love a person, but we have no desire for them. And there could be someone we desire madly and we not neccessarily love them, just feeling lust. It is nothing wrong if you don't wish to have a sex with him, he might not be the one. Telling you from experience.

‘Send the dog also’ what is wrong with you? OP has already said she’s keeping the dog, because she’s not cold heartened like you.

😂 Jesus Christ

You sound like a really good, decent person OP. Get rid of him, he sounds awful. Have a lovely peaceful life with your dog and see what the future holds for you. Good luck.

Why the fuck should she take on yet more of the burden of their relationship when the lazy, useless twat can’t even be bothered to put a condom on? Why should she be the one making the effort? Fucking Hell.

You may regret letting him go as he sounds like a keeper, he is willing to offer you intimacy even when he has been working hard all week and tired himself, there's not many men that would do that.

I sense its a one way relationship ?

I’m sure I’ve read that most women rediscover their sex drive with a new partner. We get sexually bored a lot more easily than men. Add in to that he seems to want to sit at home and watch you carry out the majority of household tasks and it’s little wonder you don’t want him anymore. Your body has already left him, this is just your rational brain following suit.

Definitely let him go. What a liability he is
Of course you don't want sex with this man
His attitude is revolting

Ditch him and his fucking dog. He can walk it seeing as you're not nearly enough of a robot slave for him. Honestly, get rid. Enjoy the rest of your 30s without that twat, I promise you they are precious years.

I agree although the dog will be staying with me. She's saved me through the dark days, he doesn't deserve her. She follows me everywhere and is currently laid next to me now. Over my dead body will he get to take her

My thoughts:
The dog is clearly yours so that's why you walk it.
He is a rent free lodger in your house and a messy one at that. Probably explains why you found the situation unsexy.
I bet you get your sex drive back as soon as you meet the next one.

I could have written most of your posts but I am 52. Partner still with me but everyday I am surprised at that fact.

@Stardust286 @SimplyAFolly
🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣
’He sounds like a keeper ‘ 🤣🤣🤣
Are you on glue?