Page 2 | He's leaving me

UpDownAllAround1 · 27/10/2025 21:44

Thanks for sharing

Bringemout · 27/10/2025 21:45

I don’t think I would want to touch a man who has so little respect for my time and energy and I’m totally NT. This isn’t a you problem, it’s a him problem.

Lets this one go, you may find you are happier and less tired when theres less to do because he’s not there cluttering the place up.

Hellohelga · 27/10/2025 21:50

Ditch him, keep the dog. Enjoy autumn dog walks, home to a tidy house, bite to eat, hot bath, book and bed. You will feel so rested.

WishfulThinkingToday · 27/10/2025 21:52

I agree with everyone here. Your resentment is justified - there is nothing worse than doing a ton of housework while your other half is sitting on the sofa enjoying himself and relaxing and not lifting a finger. I would be livid. But I would also be livid that I have allowed this to happen.

I would not want to have sex with him, probably just want to kick his ass!

It is time for a frank discussion with him. If he can’t help you around the house and make an effort then there is just no point - he doesn’t care about you. You are not his mum. Some people need it to be spelled out for them, what they need to do to help every day.

Bad enough you wasted nine years, don't waste any more time if he doesn’t help.

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2025 21:53

Stardust286 · 27/10/2025 21:23

Is there more to life than sex though? Am I the problem? I say I have no desire to have sex although I do enjoy self love from time to time so I'm not completely broken lol
I love him I just find the whole relationship stale, no fun or anything anymore. I keep thinking il just put out every night see how that goes but I just cant be bothered. Also had a miscarriage last year and I'm scared of getting pregnant again and he doesn't like using condoms until near the end so I spend all month worrying that we risked it. I think that's also a big reason I can't get in the mood.
It's just hard to throw away 9 years

You're not the one throwing it away

You're with a selfish, thoughtless manchild.

And he doesn't care about you.

I'm sorry, But you'll be so much better off with the dog and not him

Gymbunny2025 · 27/10/2025 21:59

Sounds like he’s doing you a favour and your life will be easier when he’s left. I suspect your sex drive will return when you have more downtime too. Which you can enjoy with a new and deserving partner in your own time

CuddlyPug · 27/10/2025 22:32

I think your life will improve without him. I wouldn't want to have sex with him much either. He seems to treat you as soon kind of domestic skivvy but then expects you to provide sex as and when he requires. Honestly, there are better men that him out there - I know people say that there are nothing but rubbish men but it's a low bar to get somebody better than him. Be grateful you were not married. Get to a solicitor and start securing your position. I hope you have separate bank accounts.

Jenny2026 · 27/10/2025 22:36

Youll be much happier just you and the dog 🐶 enjoy your lovely peaceful clean house 🐾

summitfever · 27/10/2025 22:40

Getting married and having kids would be the real waste op. You’re well rid and be grateful you realised now. I wasted double that time and my kids have a useless dad 😟 Sorry for your loss though all this makes that no easier.

AndOnAndOn1000 · 27/10/2025 23:02

So he sits down and in effect watches you slave away when you’re absolutely knackered and he doesn’t lift a finger.

He’s not only lazy, he’s extremely self centred. I’m not surprised you don’t want to go anywhere near him.

Good luck with him leaving and finding someone else that will put up with him.

Lovelearn · 28/10/2025 01:16

I am sorry to hear of your situation and not knowing you both I don’t really know but I am a man whose wife no longer wants sex or intimacy either so may be able to offer something.

I once was told men get married expecting their partners to stay the same, women get married expecting them to change. I think this is true in many relationships. I married late and committed fully. I was established with a house, good job and thought I had found someone I could happily share it with and we seemed very sexually compatible.

I am sure if you asked her she would say I am not pulling my weight (she doesn’t talk to me in any depth). My counter to that would be that I do different things she doesn’t notice or appreciate how long they take. I get that housework is tedious but so is giving up the interesting jobs with freedom I used to do to make sure I never had a month without a stable income for the family.

I think at that point sex becomes a bargaining chip rather than a means of bonding (and that can work both ways). I am sure if you asked a selection of people on their death beds what their biggest regret was none would say they didn’t do enough cleaning or had too messy a house.

I am sure people and relationships matter more and early in a relationship care is taken else they would not blossom but is an early casualty.

I once heard 2 women talking and the one asked the other how she had gone about getting her divorce in the best way. Keep your legs together and the rest will follow was the answer. If a couple are on opposite ends of sex drive unhappiness has to follow.

If he really is not the man you need let him go. If however you value your time invested in each other and see a way forward meeting in the middle must be a compromise.

Kellogs4 · 28/10/2025 01:19

I think its for the best OP. You've not mentioned kids so get out whilst you can.

Mewling · 28/10/2025 01:20

What a selfish twat. And knowing you’ve been through the trauma of a miscarriage, he can’t even be bothered to wear a condom during sex.

Enrichetta · 28/10/2025 01:20

May I suggest that you seriously consider whether you might perhaps find life calmer and more rewarding if you ditched the boyfriend and kept the dog…

MarvellousMonsters · 28/10/2025 01:30

Stardust286 · 27/10/2025 20:47

Basically I have little to no desire to have sex, it's been this way for months. I have a physically and mentally demanding full time job, I come home from work and I walk the dog (the high energy dog that DP wanted) have to tidy the house (DP doesn't clean up after himself often) so by the time I get to bed I am shattered and the last thing I want is sex. He also works full time in a managerial role, once he finishes work he sits down, I on the other hand cannot sit down until the house is tidy and jobs have been done.
It's all come to a head and he says he's leaving due to lack of intimacy. I don't know how to feel, gutted our 9 year relationship is fizzling out, we don't have date nights or go out much together anymore either. We have sex a couple of times a month but it's not enough for him. I wish I wanted it more but I just can't be arsed I can't seem to get in the mood and I think if he wants to leave me because of that and throw away 9 years then so be it 😭 also I'm only 35 and not peri

The lack of intimacy is a direct result of his lack of effort, not yours. If he doesn’t want you to be too tired for sex he should’ve shared the load and done 50% of the cooking, cleaning & walked the dog instead of leaving it all to you.

Don’t blame yourself for his laziness, he’s allowed you to do all the domestic work as well as your full time job, he could’ve got off his arse, but he chose not to. Help him pack and hold the door for him, he’s used you as a live-in housekeeper and then had the nerve to complain you’re not servicing his cock regularly enough. He can fuck off.

ThatPeachScroller · 28/10/2025 03:31

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t go near a man who only uses condoms “near the end”. How fucking selfish and entitled of him and then you’ve got to spend the whole month worried that you are pregnant???!!! Fuck that shit
OP give your head a wobble stop whining about it being 9 years and realise that you will of course be much better off without him. And obviously keep the dog if that’s what you want! It doesn’t sound like it would have much of a life with him!

Summerhillsquare · 28/10/2025 04:19

Stardust286 · 27/10/2025 21:23

Is there more to life than sex though? Am I the problem? I say I have no desire to have sex although I do enjoy self love from time to time so I'm not completely broken lol
I love him I just find the whole relationship stale, no fun or anything anymore. I keep thinking il just put out every night see how that goes but I just cant be bothered. Also had a miscarriage last year and I'm scared of getting pregnant again and he doesn't like using condoms until near the end so I spend all month worrying that we risked it. I think that's also a big reason I can't get in the mood.
It's just hard to throw away 9 years

So a natural and physical response him endangering your health and not caring then. Yeah, most of us would find him repulsive. Off he goes.

Alondra · 28/10/2025 06:21

He's a selfish arsehole, OP. Your partner is one of those men who believes a partner should be

A mom (to make him feel loved and warm)
A cleaner (to keep the house spotless)
A cook (so she can prepare chef quality food for him)
A PA (to deal with the tedious admin he couldn't be bothered about)
A pet sitter (to take responsibility for the work required for the dog HE wanted)
A whore (to have sex on tap when he's in the mood)

And if the above is not enough, saying this "he doesn't like using condoms until near the end so I spend all month worrying that we risked it. I think that's also a big reason I can't get in the mood", should clinch it for you. It's horrible, and part of the problem why you don't want to have sex with him. Frankly, few women would.

He's not a partner OP. He's an immature man-child without respect, love or consideration for you. You'd be 1 million times better without him and keeping your dog. Don't make the mistake of investing more years in this awful man, your resentment will grow, and it's not a healthy way to live.

You are only 35 and when a door closes, you leave room in your life for another to open.

Tell him good riddance. Out with the trash.

ChersHandbag · 28/10/2025 06:34

He has not bothered to work out what makes you tick and happy as a person, and therefore you don’t want to have sex with him: you are not connected. My partner and I are both autistic and very tuned in, so really hot for each other. Whereas before that I had an angry husband who called me frigid.

I don’t think you’ve wasted nine years. It is all a path to get you to where you go next. But if you stay a lot longer your you-ness may be damaged. I’d leave and wish him well.

millymollymoomoo · 28/10/2025 06:49

Good riddance to bad rubbish

tell him to go. Liberate yourself from this selfish man who brings nothing to your life but disrespect

it’s not you. It’s him

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 28/10/2025 06:59

I’m amazed you put up with him as long as you have. I suspect you have downplayed what a selfish arsehole he is- possibly you haven’t actually realised yet.

You are going to be a much happier woman when he’s gone, your house stays tidy, and you get some guilt free peace in the evenings.

The only downside I can see is whether you can afford your current home on your own.

Please don’t let him change his mind and stay.

Gymbunny2025 · 28/10/2025 07:05

Lovelearn · 28/10/2025 01:16

I am sorry to hear of your situation and not knowing you both I don’t really know but I am a man whose wife no longer wants sex or intimacy either so may be able to offer something.

I once was told men get married expecting their partners to stay the same, women get married expecting them to change. I think this is true in many relationships. I married late and committed fully. I was established with a house, good job and thought I had found someone I could happily share it with and we seemed very sexually compatible.

I am sure if you asked her she would say I am not pulling my weight (she doesn’t talk to me in any depth). My counter to that would be that I do different things she doesn’t notice or appreciate how long they take. I get that housework is tedious but so is giving up the interesting jobs with freedom I used to do to make sure I never had a month without a stable income for the family.

I think at that point sex becomes a bargaining chip rather than a means of bonding (and that can work both ways). I am sure if you asked a selection of people on their death beds what their biggest regret was none would say they didn’t do enough cleaning or had too messy a house.

I am sure people and relationships matter more and early in a relationship care is taken else they would not blossom but is an early casualty.

I once heard 2 women talking and the one asked the other how she had gone about getting her divorce in the best way. Keep your legs together and the rest will follow was the answer. If a couple are on opposite ends of sex drive unhappiness has to follow.

If he really is not the man you need let him go. If however you value your time invested in each other and see a way forward meeting in the middle must be a compromise.

If you can read the OP posts and still be of the opinion this is a sex issue and compromise is the way forward I despair. Although you do say that your wife feels you don’t pull your weight either so perhaps not surprising.

Pugslug · 28/10/2025 07:29

Your absolutely not the problem
With the right person,doing their share of all domestic tasks ,your sex drive would most probably return x
Let him go .
I actually suspect he won't though,and it's all talk ..
Simply because you basically do everything for him ,so he doesn't lift a finger.
I do think you would be better ending things .. because I actually don't think he ever will

Pinkissmart · 28/10/2025 07:38

It doesn’t sound like a big loss really, he doesn’t seem to value you and the relationship enough to fucking hoover. There’s better ways to spend your life than tidying someone’s mess.

JadziaD · 28/10/2025 08:41

Lovelearn · 28/10/2025 01:16

I am sorry to hear of your situation and not knowing you both I don’t really know but I am a man whose wife no longer wants sex or intimacy either so may be able to offer something.

I once was told men get married expecting their partners to stay the same, women get married expecting them to change. I think this is true in many relationships. I married late and committed fully. I was established with a house, good job and thought I had found someone I could happily share it with and we seemed very sexually compatible.

I am sure if you asked her she would say I am not pulling my weight (she doesn’t talk to me in any depth). My counter to that would be that I do different things she doesn’t notice or appreciate how long they take. I get that housework is tedious but so is giving up the interesting jobs with freedom I used to do to make sure I never had a month without a stable income for the family.

I think at that point sex becomes a bargaining chip rather than a means of bonding (and that can work both ways). I am sure if you asked a selection of people on their death beds what their biggest regret was none would say they didn’t do enough cleaning or had too messy a house.

I am sure people and relationships matter more and early in a relationship care is taken else they would not blossom but is an early casualty.

I once heard 2 women talking and the one asked the other how she had gone about getting her divorce in the best way. Keep your legs together and the rest will follow was the answer. If a couple are on opposite ends of sex drive unhappiness has to follow.

If he really is not the man you need let him go. If however you value your time invested in each other and see a way forward meeting in the middle must be a compromise.

Please do tell about all these things that take so much time she doesn't notice or appreciate. Perhaps OPs dh is doing the same.... secretly, while sat on the couch?

Also, working to be a responsible partner and father is not something she should have to be dropping to her knees in gratitude for. Its a pretty basic standard we all expect of ourselves and our partners.

As for death bed.... I bet there ARE women who think, "I wish I hadnt settled for a sub par partner while having to do all the work to tet achieve the life i wanted and he Sat on his butt" on their deathbed, yes.