27 and still a virgin, is it too late for me to start a family?

[GingerLad39]

As a man I know im probaly not meant to be posting on this website but I dont know where im going wrong when it comes to finding someone. I have always been introverted and I dont really have any friends so I just spend all the weekends by myself, I use to have friends but they all have families or have moved abroad somewhere or are doing drugs.

Now on paper I probaly do have some traits which are desired by women. I dont smoke or drink, im paying a mortgage, im 6ft, athletic build, Independant, I can provide for a family and afford kids but it seems very hard to find someone these days. I also really want kids and I would like them before 30 but then it seems like most women my age are already in relationships and have kids of thier own. I also dont want to go on casual dates and waste time because everyday im getting older.

Im also still a virgin which puts me at a disadvantage because most women probaly want a man who is experienced, some people might say "Well find a girl who is also still a virgin" but then its unlikely to find a single woman my age who is a virgin.

Also im not trying to say that im better than other men but then when I see men who are drug addicts and on the dole with 3-4 kids I just find it strange how they actually managed to find themselfs a woman who gave them kids lol.

I also would like 3-4 kids and I do have preferences in women but I wouldnt say im picky

I’m 30 and everyone still calls it the dole and did most of my childhood. You’re forgetting all the TV programmes in our childhood where the voice overs slagged people off for being ‘on the dole’.

If you’re focused on the Virgin thing then you could also try somewhere like Christian Mingle where that’s more likely to be normal and preferred. Religious people also marry younger and faster generally.

There are also some arranged marriage / ‘
matchmaking services in the UK if you generally want to go as fast as possible.

So confident women just want money and unconfident women are good wives? 😂 Maybe look into why you think all women who aren’t cowering doormice are ‘brash’.

It’ll be the gingerness ….

Why the faux-Biblical language? Maybe the OP doesn’t want to marry a ‘humble’ woman who is still defined by having worked in the fields as a child, or the peculiar ideas of the parent who raised her?

😂

Online dating! I met my husband on tinder and we were both 25 and never had a relationship before! Were now married, house, car, kid, cat the lot! You have to fish through the idiots but you can definitely find someone! I was upfront on my profile about what I was looking for and straight into the hard questions before we even met to see if we were compatible and wanted the same things.

What century (and what stripe of fundamentalist Christianity) do you hail from?

You’re essentially telling a confused 27 year old virgin with incel tendencies to seek out shy women with self-esteem issues, because self-confident women are, according to you, materialistic? I hate to break it to you, but women can afford their own foreign holidays and big houses these days, and confidence has nothing to do with appearance. Or do you think ‘self-assured’, ‘brash’ Young men are also gold-diggers?

Are you part of a running club? I run a lot (well, I’m injured at the moment but generally) and when I’ve been part of clubs it’s great for the social side of things. There was one club where I went to two weddings of people who met through joining.

Do you have local clubs or common interest groups you might be able to join.

My interests as a young man were walking and cycling. Joined a Youth Hostelling group and was spoiled for choice!!

The females in the group said that YHA meant 'your husband assured'.

My parents met through the then Co-operative Holidays Association (CHA) known as the Catching Husbands Association.

Hey some of us like gingers…

Don't worry about being a virgin. Don't tell them on the first date that you are , it doesn't matter.
Two of my sons met their partners on online dating sites , really lovely young women , they are so happy.
What is your job ? Do you meet lots of people in your work place ?
Are you being too picky with your preferences?
I hope you get lots of offers from ladies on here.

Definitely agree with Parkrun suggestion this would be perfect for you as it has a social aspect and a nice community. Being a virgin is a plus point in some ways (no chance of STDs) as long as you have a good attitude to women and don't rush them / be humble. It seems odd that you say you don't want someone who is on OnlyFans, hopefully you are not viewing this site, most women are not involved in this kind of thing. Try to stay away from Porn as much as possible as it has the potential to really damage your relationship with the women you meet. Spend some time on your hobbies and interests instead so you have something to talk about and share on your dates. Good luck!

You must be socially awkward or this situation just wouldn’t have arisen.
For that reason I think you need some in-person advice from someone who actually knows you and can see what you’re like as a person.
They may be able to guide you and help you with certain situations that might be difficult for you.
MN would suggest putting yourself out there, online dating, mixed gender hobbies etc… but if you find socialising hard or appear awkward/uncomfortable then it’s not going to work.

Clubs are not places to meet people for a proper relationship, they're for casual hook ups and one night stands.

You absolutely did not get booted out of a club for sitting there on your own, you got booted because your behaviour was interpreted by someone as weird, creepy, predatory - you were making someone feel uncomfortable and they complained. (I know plenty of people who work doors in clubs and venues, people quietly sitting by themselves causing no trouble are not who they kick out. Loners staring at women and making them feel uncomfortable though, yes, definitely.)

The hobbies you list are mostly solo/anti-social - they don't offer much opportunity to relax and interact with others. Ditto, the casual dating you don't want to do, is where you get to know people.

You want to skip the getting to know someone part and head straight to the marriage and kids part - it doesn't work like that.

Get some social hobbies, you need to be genuinely interested in them, they need to be things people can sit around and chat at in some way, and they need to be something both men and women do, no good just sitting around chatting to other blokes if you're wanting to meet women!

Perhaps volunteer at something?

Stop viewing women as another species or making out you know what women want in that context - they're not and you don't.

If you think of them as PEOPLE, fellow humans, you should realise they want the same things you want broadly - to feel secure and happy, to fulfill ambitions, to feel loved and to love, to have fun and share that fun with someone else.

Being a virgin of any age would not bother me in the slightest - however being unable to have a sensible conversation about intimate things, being unable to show an interest in another persons thoughts, life, opinions, desires - that would be a HUGE turn off.

The biggest attraction for ME, is a person who is enthusiastic about life, about the things they're interested in (that makes ME interested in them, on the whole) who has the time and the inclination to also be enthusiastic about the things I am interested in. Its someone who is having a great time and has room to include me in that. (If they're having a great time, are totally self obsessed and their only purpose for other people is to give them adoration, then no...).

I know a man who's on the autism spectrum and he doesn't realise how odd he comes off to most women, and says he doesn't understand why women prefer to have awful men than him. While he doesn't realise that he makes inappropriate comments and quotes in cels from those USA religious internet channels that promote dislike between men and women.

Women like to be made to feel good like men do, so that's a start.

Is the OP Christian? Depends on the type of Christianity, but a lot of Christians from more traditional denominations wouldn’t be open to marriage with a non-Christian. You would also be incompatible on other fronts and may find it difficult to discuss what happens with kids. Note I am a non-practicing Catholic and this is the vibe I get from Christian circles. Unless the OP is one and I missed that completely.

ps. My best relationship was with a partner who started off like you. He was very nervous at the start but really wanted a relationship so decided to be brave and ask me out. He never mentioned that he was a virgin but it was kind of obvious, if you choose an empathetic partner they will be able to see that you're not very experienced and will help you, it doesn't have to be a big deal. Just be kind to women and choose someone kind and you will have a good relationship.

Also there is absolutely nothing wrong with preferences regarding number of kids, but it is really tough work and expensive to have more than 2. It may turn out that the idea of a larger family is a lot nicer than the reality of it.

I think it's true many women in their late 20s would probably not want to date a virgin if you told them upfront, but it's not necessarily about the sex, it's about the lack of relationship experience. No one wants to feel like the experiment essentially... But you don't have to tell them. I have dated a lot and it's not common to discuss your past relationships on the first few dates and some people prefer not to discuss it much at all. Once you get to know someone well enough and they like you for you then it shouldn't matter.

I also don't think you should date with the view to finding The One first go, you should do it without over thinking it. Go on Hinge. Arrange some coffee dates or doing something fun together. See it as putting yourself out of your comfort zone and building your confidence and finding out what you like in another person.

Also considering your lack of dating experience I think expecting to have children in 3 years might be a bit fast. It could happen but it's not a failure if you don't. Be kind to yourself as dating can be hard and it's not the fault of you or them if you don't find someone compatible immediately.

Go outside and meet people.
You can’t go from single to relationship, there has to be some casual dating in between.
You sound really serious for someone in there twenties. May let loose, make some mates, go to the pub, get pissed, enjoy being young and don’t go out with the intention of meeting a wife.
Stop being so judgmental about other people’s lifestyle.
Failing that apply to go on the next series of Virgin Island.

I laughed.

Yes, it probably is too late now. As others have said women in their late 20s will not date a virgin, or anyone who lacks any sort of experience.

I'm sure you can have a meaningful life just by being friends with people.

I like this advice the most. You are still at the age where you can afford to wait a bit before you meet the one, as long as you don’t “waste” years with a partner. I do get the desire for having something you want in life, but ultimately you aren’t in a rush to get it. It’s more important to find someone compatible with you than to rush the process.

What dating sites/apps have you tried OP?

In your situation, I’d probably give Bumble a go - where female users have to reach out to you.
An honest, engaging bio is a good start. I’m not saying women aren’t also visual creatures….because we are 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 So the pictures are the immediate thing that draws to your profile, but an actual bio that gives some insight into who your are as a person is always more likely to gain matches. The worst thing to see on a dating profile is a short bio of bullet points outlining very bluntly what you want. Of course it’s ok to give an idea about what qualities in woman are important to you, but the way that you present that is important.
I met my DH on a dating App, and he was one of the few matches I had that actually gave me some insight into who he is as a person in his bio.