27 and still a virgin, is it too late for me to start a family?

[GingerLad39]

As a man I know im probaly not meant to be posting on this website but I dont know where im going wrong when it comes to finding someone. I have always been introverted and I dont really have any friends so I just spend all the weekends by myself, I use to have friends but they all have families or have moved abroad somewhere or are doing drugs.

Now on paper I probaly do have some traits which are desired by women. I dont smoke or drink, im paying a mortgage, im 6ft, athletic build, Independant, I can provide for a family and afford kids but it seems very hard to find someone these days. I also really want kids and I would like them before 30 but then it seems like most women my age are already in relationships and have kids of thier own. I also dont want to go on casual dates and waste time because everyday im getting older.

Im also still a virgin which puts me at a disadvantage because most women probaly want a man who is experienced, some people might say "Well find a girl who is also still a virgin" but then its unlikely to find a single woman my age who is a virgin.

Also im not trying to say that im better than other men but then when I see men who are drug addicts and on the dole with 3-4 kids I just find it strange how they actually managed to find themselfs a woman who gave them kids lol.

I also would like 3-4 kids and I do have preferences in women but I wouldnt say im picky

How do you get and maintain your athletic build? Maybe join mixed gym classes so you csn get talking to more people. Running clubs are a great way to get to know people If you're in a city there are often single meet up groups. I

Why did the bouncer ask you to leave the club op?

Try taking up ballroom dancing. There are never enough male dancers - so you will always find a dance partner. You can learn a new skill, meet a range of people without the pressure of dating.

Re-read that.

You didn’t mention anything about her as a person.

What qualities you value?

Women are people. Start with that.

Seriously, get offline, go meet some people.

You haven't answered why you were told to leave a club and why dating apps don't work. There's definitely something you're not telling us that I'm sure would answer why you're a virgin at 27.

Why don’t you join a dating agency? Go on dates and meet different women.

You need to put yourself in positions to meet women, this could include online dating (tailoring your profile to say you are looking for a serious relationship and love children), going to specific events that cater to those looking for relationships (eg I know of a couple of pubs that hold monthly singles nights) and/or going to groups that interest you and hoping there will be a single woman you click with. Sitting at home won’t help you (unless you’re online dating, but also online gaming is a possibility too)

This ^^

THere will be a woman out there for you , if that's what you want. Clubs are horrendous. With the greatest of respect, full of men who are all out for one thing (and women) so you're not going to find what you're looking for there.

Do you have any hobbies?

“I dont want to go on casual dates and waste time”
This is where you are going wrong. Dating is not wasting time, it’s getting to know someone. You don’t go straight from meeting someone to having children. You spend time getting to know someone, you build a relationship, create a life together, children follow on.

”I’m still a virgin, most women want a man who is experienced”
This is such an old-fashioned, pretty grim, opinion. Virginity is a misogynistic concept created to demonstrate that a woman is pure if a penis has not been in her vagina. Drop any idea of being a virgin or not, of what you think most women want or not. If you build a strong, healthy, trusting relationship with someone they will not care about sexual history.

Focus on building a social circle, on meeting people, spending time with others. Ask people out, date people, build slowly.

@NerrSnerr I think its because I was sitting on my own for a long period of time which looks odd.

You have posted this before haven’t you?

Ok, I’d find it creepy if you went to a club on your own, I am quite old though so I don’t know if that is different these days. Do you live in or near a city? If so, they will have singles clubs, or friendship clubs for men. There will be something out there geared up to allow men to make friends. Join clubs, so you like marathons, is there a running club you could join? That will start to give you a social life. As a previous poster mentioned, being a virgin is not a problem, just learn to be attentive to your partner and not in it for yourself. Experience means nothing if all your experience is selfish. As I’m old, I use Facebook, if you go on your local area page you can ask or search for men’s groups. There is also the website https://www.meetup.com/ which might help. Make friends, make and female. Also, don’t be stuck on having 3-4 kids, I’d have run a mile if I was told that, it has to be a discussion and agreement between you and your future partner.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindowNot calling him an incel just asking if he is influenced by them. sadly not unusual on here!

already a PP has pointed out that OP is asking for women without only fans as if that’s what all young women are doing now.

I’ve seen your name a few times on MN threads so surely you have seen the numerous threads started by semi-incels /outright incels and sexist men who eventually get to a point in the thread where they share their true views.

I can see a few PPs have already highlighted this alongside me.

27 is still young and not many women your age will give a shit that you're a virgin and most women in their 20s haven't started a family yet.

So the obvious thing is literally just start dating, all dating is going to start casual first because people want to get to know a person before they decide they want to spend the rest of their life with them. You're going to have to be patient with your dates and let people get to know you before you both decide to be a couple.

So basically you're just going to have to do the whole dating scene. There's going to be a lot of false starts (dates that don't go past first or second date) that you might find frustrating but most people have been there.

As for druggie friends having kids, I'm fairly sure they didn't present as druggies when they were first trying to date their partners or if they did chances are their partners were into drugs too and surely thats not something you aspire to.

Also what sort of person do you want to date? Do you have any hobbies? If you don't do anything on weekends maybe you should start broadening your horizons and get out there, no woman is just going to parachute herself into your life. And it will help you seem like a more interesting person. Most women don't just want 6ft tall man with mortgage.

When I was dating, what I looked for was someone who was creative, shared the same hobbies (or hobbies with comparable traits) someone who could make me laugh, and someone who was in a similar career to mine. My now husband didn't have a mortgage at the time and is under 6 foot. But he is someone I enjoy spending time with.

Yeah l know what you mean.

But my dd is very shy and nervous. Shes 19 and never kissed anyone.

I get where he’s coming from because of her. Shes shows no interest in my relationship. Some people just mature later than others.

Paid for dating sites tend to have people on them who are looking for something more serious.

Saying that, your perfect bride isn't just going to show up at your door (unless you sign up for the TV show married at first sight) and I'm sure you wouldn't like to marry someone who you barely know just based on looks...right?

So meeting, dating, etc are going to be necessary. It concerns me that this has to be explained to you. Were you hoping for some kind of arranged marriage scenario? Is there a matchmaker/dating agency near you? Even then, you will actually have to look someone in the eye and interact. You need to be engaging and come across well enough to tempt her too.

A women may baulk at a man who has no friends and never goes out, probably more so then being a virgin. Get yourself out there!

Essentially what you're saying is "you've tried nothing, it didn't work and you've given up". You're not going to marry the first woman you meet are you? Casual dating is how people learn about relationships, how to relate to each other and gain life experience.

Honestly if you went on a date and told someone you wanted 3-4 kids they'd run like the wind. Saying you want 3-4 kids is a very immature thing to say as having kids is bloody hard! Do you have any experience of how hard kids are? Volunteering at Scouts, Boys Brigade etc. ?

I can't imagine why you don't have a girlfriend, given your cheery disposition and positive attitude towards women.

I'm in my late 20s, you'll find people open to dating a virgin but some won't be and that's okay! Personally for me it depends on why as I've met some men who are virgins because they are quite misogynistic which is off putting.

I think you need to let go of the kids before 30 as it might scare women off and realistically kids in your 30s is normal.

You have to go on casual dates to get to know women. It is no use deciding someone is 'the one' after a few online/text/phone conversations, and if you push for a very early commitment (or sex on first or second date) you will probably put women off (but take a condom in case you get lucky). You need to think of things to talk about that might interest other people, examples might be how you chose your career, funny stories from your youth, hobbies or interests, current affairs, maybe political opinions, TV, films, books etc. And make sure you ask lots of questions about your date, so they talk about themselves and you find out about them (but don't totally bombard them with questions). Perhaps try coffee dates or walks to begin with, then dinner at a pub or restaurant. And be prepared to spend money, no adding up individual bill items to see exactly who owes what. You are still young, there is plenty of time. Wanting children is fine, but wanting 3 or 4 is unlikely to be appealing to many young women.

If you’re a runner join a running club or go to parkruns, you might meet someone there with your shared interest

This has a incel 'pity party' vibe.

Of course in your opinion you are '6ft, athletic build' (erm that matters nothing in dating) and perfect.

Being 'introverted' isn't a reason either, most shy and introverted people have relationships just fine they just choose a few meaningful ones over lots of shallow ones.

Being a virgin is not an issue at all, literally no one cares.

Truth is if you cant get a girlfriend its not the rest of the world it YOU... try looking at your attitude and personality, these are the things people look for in a partner.

You comments on how everyone your age you could date is single mams then the rant about 'druggies with 3-4 kids' and this vibe that women exist to 'give you kids' is really shows your judgemental and creepy side. You clearly think your 'better' than others and women are 'incubators' for your self proclaimed great genes and thats why you likely don't have anyone lining up for the 'honor' of being that vessel.

I don't believe the OP is a 27yo male.

Nobody at that age even knows what 'the dole' is.

It's not been called that for decades and was an insult used when I was a teen. It was dying out then and I'm nearly 50!!!

It is nowhere near too late.

Join groups like cooking classes, or pottery making or literally anything. Try to talk to as many people as possible. If you make a new male friend, maybe he will invite you somewhere and you might meet a woman that way.

Try to expand your social circle in every possible way.

Don't make small talk. Ask questions you genuinely want to know the answers to, otherwise people will feel the thin, feeble disinterest behind the conversation.

When you have a genuine connection with someone, be honest about being a virgin - be honest about nervous if that’s how you feel. Communication and honesty lead to better sexual intimacy than any number of meaningless previous sexual encounters.

If I was younger... but I'm 58, so I'm not going to be able to give you kids... unless you want to settle for cats... lots of cats. I'm also not on OnlyFannies.

But seriously, what are your hobbies apart from going to the gym? Be adventurous, sign up to things, classes, wine tastings & Prosecco parties, Tate Lates; join a walking/hiking group, try a yoga class, DJ nights, a drop in & draw class, anything where you'll meet like minded people. Don't view it as finding a wife to sire my offspring but as a way of making new friends to expand your social circle.

It's never too late, darling. Good luck.