27 and still a virgin, is it too late for me to start a family?

[GingerLad39]

As a man I know im probaly not meant to be posting on this website but I dont know where im going wrong when it comes to finding someone. I have always been introverted and I dont really have any friends so I just spend all the weekends by myself, I use to have friends but they all have families or have moved abroad somewhere or are doing drugs.

Now on paper I probaly do have some traits which are desired by women. I dont smoke or drink, im paying a mortgage, im 6ft, athletic build, Independant, I can provide for a family and afford kids but it seems very hard to find someone these days. I also really want kids and I would like them before 30 but then it seems like most women my age are already in relationships and have kids of thier own. I also dont want to go on casual dates and waste time because everyday im getting older.

Im also still a virgin which puts me at a disadvantage because most women probaly want a man who is experienced, some people might say "Well find a girl who is also still a virgin" but then its unlikely to find a single woman my age who is a virgin.

Also im not trying to say that im better than other men but then when I see men who are drug addicts and on the dole with 3-4 kids I just find it strange how they actually managed to find themselfs a woman who gave them kids lol.

I also would like 3-4 kids and I do have preferences in women but I wouldnt say im picky

Your spelling and grammar would put me off.

Join some clubs.
football, badminton or even just go help the homeless.
Go for friends, go out and enjoy life, and hopefully you can find someone.
My dad married at 31 , I am one of 4 children.

It’s a numbers game.
Meet as many people as possible.
Go on as many dates as possible. They all start casual!

Focus on making some male friends first though. Find your tribe. You are 27 not 47. They don’t all have kids and a family!

Have you had any relationships before and any friends with women? Are you neurodivergent?

Why don't you have any friends? That seems quite unusual for a man in his twenties. Do you have poor social skills? If so then it makes sense that women will not find you an attractive prospect. I would suggest you focus on improving your social skills and making friends before trying to find a wife.

The online dating isn't easy at all and it can sometimes be good and other times a total disaster. Tbh I would be interested as to why you haven't had a relationship at 27?

27 is not old to be starting a family, I know plenty of guys who didn't start a family until their early 40s.

Agree with others that build, height etc not that important. What is important is get out there, meet women, respect them and listen to them and ask questions about them so they know them as people.

Really importantly, be someone who is considerate, someone who notices what needs to be done without having to be instructed.

Many women are remaining single because men just don't pull their weight domestically and emotionally and rely on female partners/wives to do everything for them, assuming that if they earn more money (as is still often the case) they are doing enough to merit not having to do any regular, daily stuff that makes a household or relationship work.

Find women on tiktok like @ sheisapaigeturner @ brennatalkstoomuch who do some really good material on what women actually want from men and by and large ignore men's advice, unless it's advice about breaking away from advice from misogynists!

Good luck.

@GingerLad39 Now on paper I probaly do have some traits which are desired by women. I dont smoke or drink, im paying a mortgage, im 6ft, athletic build, Independant, I can provide for a family and afford kids but it seems very hard to find someone these days.

You need to spend less time online, and more time just speaking and interacting with people.

Women are not a homogeneous group of automatons that are looking for a tall athletic provider with a stable job and their own home. We connect with people that we speak to and get on with. Thus meeting someone requires actually speaking to people.

It's not as easy as putting a bowl of food out for the dog, whistling to get it's attention, and watching it run towards you, I'm afraid.

More time IRL, less time online.

PS: Forget your age and body clocks

Lots of people become parents in their 40s having spent their 20s and 30s figuring themselves out.
Main thing women like is someone kind, caring who treats them equally.
You are going to have to go in some dates though.
Get a hobby that attracts mixed genders and start to meet people.
I know what you mean about women having children with undesirable men. Quite often these men have treated women the way they treat everyone else,lied and cheated their way into a relationship. They end up being hated by the mothers of their children, and causing untold destruction in their childrens lives. I wouldn't be envious of them, they will end up alone anyway.
Keep to your values, I know so many good guys snapped up in their 30s and 40s. 27 is really young.

I think you have multiple issues (none of which are inducible)
You need to get yourself when it comes to dating. All dating is casual until the relationships develop. The early stages are about getting to know each other, seeing if there is chemistry and connection. If you can't get over this you won't get anywhere.
Secondly it sounds like you are socially isolated, you won't meet anyone if your strategy is too go to a club and sit drinking on your own and interacting with no one.
Jon clubs to do with your interest, join interest groups and widen your social circle.
You will have to be less rigid about numbers of children, only a small amount of women would consider 3 or 4 these days.
Also nothing in your posts seems to women as complex nuanced humans, just as people to give babies to men, this comes across as very creepy. Combined with your comment about dating single mums because you want the children as 'mine' seems to imply you see children as possessions.

As a neurodivergent person myself do you have ASD? Genuine question as you need to have problems with social interaction, a very rigid world view and don't seem to be able to fully comprehend the inner worlds of others. If this is the case then the hobbies, interest groups and interacting with other ND people could help you get over your current issues.

I'm going to be kind because nothing the OP has said makes me think he's an unpleasant incel - more someone who is a bit shy and bit confused about what women want.

OP, any decent women won't mind at all if you're a virgin. It just won't matter at all, so stop worrying about that. Similarly, you being tall/athletic is nice but women won't want you for those qualities - women want to build a relationship around having fun together, trusting and respecting each other, having some shared interests or SOH, similar values etc. The sexual attraction matters but sometimes it comes with getting to know a person.

The best thing you can do is throw yourself into community activities. Make male friends too - male friends can lead you to female friends. Do sports, volunteer, join a dance club, a choir, work backstage on am dram, go to a cinema club, do an evening course, even go to church if that floats your boat! Don't fixate on finding a future wife or having kids by a certain age. Instead focus on enriching your own life - which does sound a bit lonely - with genuine connections with people of all ages, men and women. By being a rounded person and a full participant in community life, that way you are more likely to meet women organically and in a context where they can see what you have to offer. You do sound very slightly inflexible and fixated on details like being a virgin or wanting kids by a specific age. Work on being more open to going with the flow and please don't worry about being a virgin. No decent woman would care at all.

Also, I didn’t say in my post but others have and I agree: trying to rush into a serious relationship with kids on the horizon with any new woman is going to be seriously off putting. There is no need to rush; especially at your age.

What age are you considering for your potential partners as +/- 5 years would not be at all unusual, and that would put women in their early to mid 20s in your prospective partners. Surely, all these women in your vicinity are not already married with children?

Do you have any neuro diversity because it does seem you have slightly rigid thinking?

Ok, well you're definitely not too old to have kids. My best friend is 42 and just had his first child, He met his wife at 39, married at 41.

Frankly, time isn't your problem. From your post, I'd say your personality is. You seem to think you're better than everyone else, that you deserve a woman to go out with you and give you a child, despite the fact that it doesn't seem like you're actually interested in the woman itself.

My advice is to get over yourself. You're not a catch, you have no friends, which means you have no social skills. Women are going to see that a mile off and run. Noone wants to spend their life with someone who isn't capable of human communication.

Stop using being an introvert as an excuse. I'm a massive introvert, so is my friend who's just had a baby. Being an introvert doesn't mean you can't talk to other people, doesn't mean you don't have friends. It means that social interactions wear you out, not that you're not capable of them. Being social is a skill that needs practice.

So your first job is to find some friends. Join some clubs, go down the pub regularly and talk to the locals. Chat to your colleagues at work. Build up relationships with people and start to see them as equals. Build up a repertoire of conversation that you can use.

Once you're capable of all that, people might start looking at you as relationship material.

Yes, exactly to this. I wouldn’t rule out a virgin or someone with little sexual experience, but I wouldn’t consider dating a man with no friends, or whose only ideas about the type of woman he wanted a relationship with was ‘not a vegan, no OnlyFans, has a job’. What are you like, OP? What do you bring to a relationship or to a friendship? What kind of people do you like? Are there no women or potential friends of either sex in your gym? Why the rush about having three or four children before you’re 30, which I’m sure you realise is deeply unlikely?

Join Rotary. It won't necessarily introduce you to women in your age group directly, but it will get you out and about and mixing with outgoing people who will have friends and family in your age group.

I wouldn’t plan for kids before 30 if you’re 27 and single. That leaves you just two years to meet, date, marry and get your partner pregnant which is not enough time. So move your time frame to 35 perhaps. Most women I know also don’t want children until 30+ anyway especially if they haven’t had them by their mid 20s.

You will have to go on casual dates I’m afraid, that’s how you get to know someone and become a couple. You don’t just expect women to be a walking womb for you. You date them and fall in love.

Good post from @VimesandhisCardboardBoots with some brisk and useful, if unflattering, advice.

How you describe the woman you want is problematic. You don’t describe any personality traits only judgements you have about their appearance, whether they are sex workers or already have children. I really think you need to have a less superficial view of a potential partner.

Do you use OnlyFans?

The getting asked to leave a club. If you sit alone, not being weird and creepy, and buy drinks so they get paid, you don’t get asked to leave. He came to the bouncer’s attention. There’s a reason.

I don't know you OP, but you have got lots of women in this thread engaged in asking questions and making suggestions about what might be going on, but you aren't responding much. As you have time and money at your disposal, why not look for some coaching or a social group to help you relate better to people.

Op I would suggest two routes. Ask your friends and relatives if they know people. I met my husband as my sister was friends with his sister. You have an existing network so use it. Tell people close to you that you want to meet someone and use their networks to meet people. You never know who knows who. There are agencies which match people who want to get married and have children. A friend of my husbands paid 1500 to an agency many years ago and he had two dates and married one if the women he had a date with as the agency was interviewing people and matching them for marriage and children. So join an agency not a crappy free online weirdo fest but a proper expensive one for people, serious about marriage and children and who are willing to pay for proper matching. Best of luck op.

Not too late at all. But don't let it fester, if you want kids soonish, get cracking. You don't know what sort of fertility-related problems there might be. Settling down is your immediate task, though, and it could take a few years before you even find 'the one'. I was lucky and met my now husband at school. Got married at 26 in 2014, we met in 2006. Socioeconomic problems prevented marriage and settling for 8 long years. Neither of us were particularly interested in children. Then the maternal ache hit at 34, three years of IVF and recurrent loss, I'm now in the 2nd trimester of my first child at the age of 38.

All the best.

If you like running volunteer at parkrun, I’ve built a lovely group of local friends. (It takes time to build the friendships, works better if you’re somewhere with a younger demographic) I was single at 27, married at 29. You’re not too old. If you live near London try Serpentine running club, I hear there’s a lot of relationships that started there, and a supply of babygrows in club colours for those that meet there and have babies.

@GingerLad39 you sound lovely, whoever you end up with won’t care that you are a virgin xx