27 and still a virgin, is it too late for me to start a family?

[GingerLad39]

As a man I know im probaly not meant to be posting on this website but I dont know where im going wrong when it comes to finding someone. I have always been introverted and I dont really have any friends so I just spend all the weekends by myself, I use to have friends but they all have families or have moved abroad somewhere or are doing drugs.

Now on paper I probaly do have some traits which are desired by women. I dont smoke or drink, im paying a mortgage, im 6ft, athletic build, Independant, I can provide for a family and afford kids but it seems very hard to find someone these days. I also really want kids and I would like them before 30 but then it seems like most women my age are already in relationships and have kids of thier own. I also dont want to go on casual dates and waste time because everyday im getting older.

Im also still a virgin which puts me at a disadvantage because most women probaly want a man who is experienced, some people might say "Well find a girl who is also still a virgin" but then its unlikely to find a single woman my age who is a virgin.

Also im not trying to say that im better than other men but then when I see men who are drug addicts and on the dole with 3-4 kids I just find it strange how they actually managed to find themselfs a woman who gave them kids lol.

I also would like 3-4 kids and I do have preferences in women but I wouldnt say im picky

Aside from going to the gym, not being a druggie and finding a woman who can ‘give’ you kids, do you have any hobbies? What do you have to offer a woman? This doesn’t include your height/build, salary, homeownership status or ability to provide. What can you talk about? Travel, arts, creative hobbies, music, sports, literature, science, astrology, languages, adventure activities, computer games, etc. What makes you interesting?

The only thing you’ve really listed about your ideal woman is that she’s attractive and childless.

Let's just say there's a parallel universe somewhere where someone wasn't blunt and unflattering with me and I turned out rather differently.

The dating landscape isn’t great for any age groups, but hopefully with age on your side you’ll have more success. Like a previous poster said, don’t worry too much about experience. That doesn’t necessarily equal good in bed. I think you’re probably in good company in your situation, so try not to feel like the only one. Just get out there more and talk to women and see if any sparks fly I guess.

Join some dating sites - prob ones you pay for have more serious people looking for longer twrm commitment. Set up coffee dates after work and see what happens

You need hobbies and interests beyond solitary exercise like going to the gym or running marathons. It wouldn’t be a turn off if a man was a virgin. But it would be turn off if he had nothing interesting to talk about.

You could also try volunteering or some kind of craft based hobby group or look at the website “meetup” for things going on in your area. Once you’ve got things to talk about and you’ve broadened your social circle, try online dating then.

You have to go on a few casual dates before you meet someone. You can’t really go on a date with the view “Is this the person I’m going to marry?”
It takes time to get to know the person before you each know they are the one for you.

I met my husband at 28 and he was 29 in a club. Didn’t have children until I was 34.

There’s no rush for you OP and it will happen when you least expect it. You have to go out thought! Get some outdoor hobbies that involve
multiple people. Paddle boarding, sailing type things.

Are you a bit shy/socially awkward OP?
Maybe trying to meet people on nights out isn't for you.

Why don't you like dating apps?

I don't think the gym is a great place to meet a woman, it can come across as creepy and unwelcome to be approached by a man in that setting - it's not a social activity.

You need to find some hobbies that have a social side. Mixed sex team sports? walking clubs? Running clubs, book clubs, choirs etc. After the activity ends see if there's a group of them that head to the pub - join them

Does the small talk never go anywhere because you're not making any invition afterwards? You need to suggest getting coffee after whatever shared activity you're doing ends, swapping numbers, asking for help in a very small way like borrowing a book or a recommendation for a new series on Netflix - something that you share an interest in and can talk about next time you see them

Bouncers don’t throw you out of clubs as you are on your own, that doesn’t happen and I think you know this. So why were the bouncers called in to ask you to leave?

Be really honest with yourself, are you intense on dates? Some men who really want to date give an 'off' vibe. Something is off, desperate, red flaggy. So is a man being judgemental, saying want tons of kids. Even saying to a woman 'I don't know how druggies have so many kids when am better' is a horrid thing to hear.

Relax.

That's my advice. Go online, try dating apps again. Yeah, be some time wasted but you may just well be lucky and it is still fun meeting people isn't it? Join groups, other than the gym. Do you like photography? Pottery? Walking clubs? All good ways to meet people.

And whatever you do, just relax, have fun, be lighthearted, live in the moment, don't instantly discuss future, children, whatever. Ask the lady about herself, try be amusing, but be kind. Being intense is a massive turn off, esp on first date.

You talk a lot about kids not about the type of woman you would like to meet. It sounds like you just want someone to produce offspring for you. What qualities are important to you? Women are not a singular group or another species. The way you veiw them could be the issue here, not virginity.

You're not keen on wasting time dating but that's the fun part, connect, fall in love, have fun and get to know someone before leaping ahead to marriage and kids. I don't think many people meet someone with their whole future already mapped out, they see how it goes and where it takes them, it may or may not work out.

Why do the apps not work for you? I agree clubbing alone is not the way, a guy alone in a club does raise red flags. What about organised speed dating?

Something just a little off here. As someone else mentioned, you have lots of replies but are not overly engaging with people.

You do not just set arbitrary targets and think you are going to be able to meet them since you actually need another person in order to do so.

Most women are not on Only Fans so that is a strange thing to list.
Casual dating is how you get to understand who you click with and what you are looking for. Not sure why you don’t want to do that?

Also what do you mean dating apps do not work for you? In what way? I used a dating app and meet lots of different people, everyone had something interesting to say and a few I clicked with. You sound like you think that is beneath you? That the attributes you list of yourself should be enough?

You don't get asked to leave a club because you are on your own. Lots of people go clubbing alone. Why were you really asked to leave?

I’m curious what has the op said that makes you think he sounds lovely? Because he’s a virgin? I honestly don’t see anything he has said that sounds “lovely” at all.

Out of a very small list of criteria for a woman, one of your criteria is that she doesn't have an Only Fans.

Why? Do you think that's something most/many of us have? It's...odd to list that imo.

Do you have any hobbies or particular interests that women might be into? It could be a good way to meet new people without putting pressure on you. Think pottery, art or maybe jiujitsu.

I’ve met people from all walks of life in my various hobbies. Give it a go

I think part of the trouble may be that it comes across a bit as you wanting a woman for what she can give you (kids, contribution to the income, her physical looks etc) rather than for herself and her own personality.

What personality traits do you like in women? Do you want someone funny? Feisty? Clever? Kind? Etc.

And what fun stuff would you envisage doing together? Gaming, cinema, walks in the country, exercising together, whatever.

For example, the guy I am currently seeing and I spend a lot of time chatting about books, films, music, our pets ..... I am not saying you have to like exactly the same things as a partner, but at least a few shared interests can give a good starting point.

And while it's fine to be intentional about dating to a degree (and I imagine many women around your age who also want kids will welcome it), just be careful not to make her feel she could be just anyone who is single, attractive enough and of child beating age.

A woman is likely to want to feel loved and desired for herself, not just for what she brings to the dating table.

As for your virginity, I won't lie, it would put me off. But I am not the sort of woman you want to attract, as I am sexually adventurous with a past you might find off putting, so that's fine.

There will be plenty of women around your age who are either virgins themselves or have only had one or two previous partners, who, like you, see sex as something to have in the context of a committed relationship only. For such women, I imagine your virginity may actually be a plus.

Out of interest, are you religious at all? If so, you may have luck on dating sites specifically for people of your faith. My friend met her husband on a Christian dating site, and he was a virgin and around your age, if not a bit older, due to his beliefs. It could be worth exploring.

Good luck!

I think you need to put all this info in to a dating app (preferably one where you pay, as it filters out the losers) and go on plenty of dates. Like loads. Make Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays nights where you go on a date. You’ll build confidence, you’ll get used to talking about yourself and asking questions about them. Dating is a numbers game, you need to start interacting with women - and online is just the easiest and quickest way of you don’t have a social circle.

Child bearing, not child beating! Oh my God.....

I don’t think it matters that you’re a virgin.
I do think you need to put yourself out there a lot more - try more of the dating apps, join some clubs, volunteer at activities such as park run, try a local
speed dating event, ask friends to match you with someone else they know, go on a singles holiday etc. Some of these things are scary but the worst that can happen is that you don’t meet anyone so you’re no worse off than now.

What is it that you think sounds ‘lovely’ about the OP, @Rosesanddaffs? Because what he describes is someone without the skills or desire to make friends, far less make and maintain a relationship, someone whose ideas about what is desirable to women and what kind of woman he wants are quite weird (not a vegan, not on OnlyFans), and who just wants to skip straight from being a virgin at 27 to having multiple children before he’s 30.

A charitable reading of that would be ‘immature and no social skills, needs to work on himself and make friends before he should even think about dating ’. A less charitable one would be ‘incel’.

You sound like a great catch. My understanding is that no one has taken you yet is because you have not put yourself out there, off line and online

Go online and invite for dates humble, reserved, shy looking ladies. Very soon you will even married. Don't go for the bold, brash, princess, self assured types. They are after money, foreign holidays, big house etc

you want just a nice wife

You are open to changing your life and thats the best place to start

Firstly you need more friends. No woman will feel great about a guy who is out on his own im afraid.

Are you autistic ? It is worth considering if you struggle socially more generally

I would try and meet more like minded people generally as thst will help develop your social skills

Why does online dating “not work” for you?

I don't think going alone to clubs is likely to be successful as I think women will be wary of you.

I think meeting people through online dating is a much better bet as you can arrange to meet in what women consider more of a safe space- a coffee shop on an afternoon for example.

I think be positive on your online profile that you like the gym, running etc looking to meet someone to share fun etc but longterm would like marriage and children.

You can't cut out the getting to know each other/fall for each other phase and jump to marriage and kids. You need to know that person makes you happy, that you make them happy and that your dreams and lifestyles are compatible.

Having fun and getting to know someone should be your first relationship goal. If you don't feel someone is right for you tell them kindly "it was lovely to meet you but I don't think we are right for each other/the chemistry is there" or whatever leaving you both feeling OK about the experience.

You have a decade plus to meet the right woman and have a family so while you should be proactive you don't need to pursue a relationship that isn't right for you.

Good luck

Absolutely go online. My two daughters did. Fresh from uni found great men. Providers, fatherly and loving to the kids - not what I wanted my daughters to do immediately but they did it , despite my nagging lol. My daughters are beautiful but natural and very very humble given how I have raised them and they worked the fields with me while growing up. Take such a wife.