Husband and his debt

[CarryOnRewardless]

At Christmas 2024 my husband took out a credit card without my knowledge and used it for online gambling, within about 2 months it was up to the limit of £8,000.

Obviously I was so upset about this and took over all finances. The minimum payment on the card is around £250 a month so he’s added that to our outgoings for absolutely nothing.
I’ve been chipping away at the card and every couple of months I ask to see the statement to make sure there’s been no transactions.
A couple of months ago there was transactions on there and I was so upset and he made a big show of calling the card company and reporting it as unrecognised transactions. During the call it dawned on him that it was him (what a surprise!) He was going to GA did about 10 meetings then stopped.

The payment is due this week and I’ve asked to see a statement and he’s asking why so there’s obviously something on there. Last time he told me he’d deleted the card from his phone so that’s a lie.

If I had a normal job I’d LTB but I do shift work and our child is a too young to be left all night on his own

How would you manage finances going forward? I know the usual Mumsnet answer is we’re married it should be joint money but I don’t want to manage his money any more it’s too stressful and paying off his debt while he’s adding to it anyway. He has no concept of budgeting and thinks he can spends what he wants.
I’d like to just take half the bills and food and the rest is his. He will then blow it all at the weekend and then won’t be able to get to work. Then he’ll ask to borrow from me no doubt but this cannot continue

Sorry just had to get that out

Maybe float the idea on this thread to see if anyone would think it a going possibility.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5452302-side-hustles-that-make-you-money?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

You need to split. He is clearly going to continue to gamble. The more he does, the harder the future.

Would you be entitled to any benefits if you were single? You need to start researching your options. But don’t wait until he owes 80,000 and you have fewer choices

I have a very close friend who is 67 and her DH lost their house and all of their savings through gambling. She is a kind and traditional ‘stand by your man’ type of person. I know you’re trying to sort this all out and I really hope you can get away from him.

Thank you! But I’m in such a different situation. My husband has ADHD and is feckless with money rather than struggling with an active addiction. I didn’t realise the OP’s partner was in the position she later described. I ALMOST wish my DH could be capable of trying to do something dodgy but he’s just too unengaged with our finances to do anything good or bad🫠

Also in the past I was in denial about his engagement with our finances. We’re in such a good place now as he’s willing (after a year of hard work from both of us) to cooperate / work as a team and he doesn’t really spend - I have access to all credit reports / I manage our accounts/ pensions and he gives input and we have monthly meetings and stick to monthly budgets.

An example of past woes: he agreed to pay off a credit card in his name with £18 on it and 6 months later we were being hounded by a debt collector for £18 😵‍💫 it’s almost comical. less amusing - He did also forget / not bother to pay our energy bill for a year and as a result we had racked up 1000s in debit on that account but all paid off now and we both have full access and sight on everything now. So I have hope! Part of me is always on high alert though… but he is living with a disability (I have to remind myself a lot) so … we go on with trepidation! ❤️

@ADHDwifeHP I am sorry I meant my post for @CarryOnRewardless. Although I recommend to everyone adding an email address, particularly elderly relatives, to prevent fraud.

Definitely sign up especially if you no longer have a mortgage as you’re more at risk from fraud. Mortgage companies will notice if a loan or additional mortgage is taken out.