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Original poster

Husband and his debt

131 replies

CarryOnRewardless · 21/10/2025 12:57

At Christmas 2024 my husband took out a credit card without my knowledge and used it for online gambling, within about 2 months it was up to the limit of £8,000.

Obviously I was so upset about this and took over all finances. The minimum payment on the card is around £250 a month so he’s added that to our outgoings for absolutely nothing.
I’ve been chipping away at the card and every couple of months I ask to see the statement to make sure there’s been no transactions.
A couple of months ago there was transactions on there and I was so upset and he made a big show of calling the card company and reporting it as unrecognised transactions. During the call it dawned on him that it was him (what a surprise!) He was going to GA did about 10 meetings then stopped.

The payment is due this week and I’ve asked to see a statement and he’s asking why so there’s obviously something on there. Last time he told me he’d deleted the card from his phone so that’s a lie.

If I had a normal job I’d LTB but I do shift work and our child is a too young to be left all night on his own

How would you manage finances going forward? I know the usual Mumsnet answer is we’re married it should be joint money but I don’t want to manage his money any more it’s too stressful and paying off his debt while he’s adding to it anyway. He has no concept of budgeting and thinks he can spends what he wants.
I’d like to just take half the bills and food and the rest is his. He will then blow it all at the weekend and then won’t be able to get to work. Then he’ll ask to borrow from me no doubt but this cannot continue

Sorry just had to get that out

OP posts:
Cyclistmumgrandma · 22/10/2025 08:36

Have him show you him deleting the card from his phone and cut up the physical card. Then work on paying it off.

Original poster
CarryOnRewardless · 22/10/2025 11:04

Grammarninja · 21/10/2025 13:13

He's got to go unless you can figure out a way for him to have no access to money at all. All addictions ruin families but gambling is the one that can destroy a family in a matter of seconds. I'd rather a coke sniffing, alcoholic to a gambler any day.

He would not be up for that at all, his attitude is he earns good money he's entitled to have whatever he asks for basically

OP posts:
Juniperberry55 · 22/10/2025 11:06

CarryOnRewardless · 22/10/2025 11:04

He would not be up for that at all, his attitude is he earns good money he's entitled to have whatever he asks for basically

Show quote history

If he's not up for change then you can only do what is within your control to deal with this situation. Get the divorce, get the finances separated so he can't drag you down with him. If you don't, you'll end up to your eyeballs in debt with him and unable to provide for your child. You can't make him do anything but you can take back control of your own finances if you divorce him.

Original poster
CarryOnRewardless · 22/10/2025 11:24

Thank you all, just in answer to some points raised:

He was going to GA, he went to about 5 meetings then stopped

His salary gets paid into my bank account, he doesn’t have access to it except what I transfer to his account when he asks. Of course there's nothing to stop him getting into more debt behind my back

I asked him again this morning to show me the card statement before I send any money to it and he just said "See you later" I've told him I will not send any money to it until I see it. Payment is due either today or tomorrow. Why should I keep sending money to something I don't have sight of?

I have the physical card in my locker at work, I have no access to his mobile phone so the details will be hidden on there somewhere

My family live 2 hours away, DC does stay with my mum in school holidays if I'm working but during school time he obviously couldn’t stay there

He has put gamstop on but then discovered all the work arounds, foreign websites etc

We have no joint bank or savings accounts the only joint thing is the mortgage.
Im not sure how you gamble on a credit card I think the foreign sites use payment platforms where it doesn’t show up as gambling. Or something like that

OP posts:
AphroditesSeashell · 22/10/2025 11:26

You can view card details and PIN numbers via the apps, on every banking platform I have. Taking/cutting physical cards makes no difference at all in the modern world.

Grammarninja · 22/10/2025 11:52

Can you tell the credit card company that you need to cancel your card as you've lost it and need a new one issued? Then keep new card hidden and the card on his phone won't work anymore...

Original poster
CarryOnRewardless · 22/10/2025 11:56

Grammarninja · 22/10/2025 11:52

Can you tell the credit card company that you need to cancel your card as you've lost it and need a new one issued? Then keep new card hidden and the card on his phone won't work anymore...

Could do, if he agrees to do it, as the card is in his name. Knowing my luck the new card will arrive in the post when I'm at work and he'll open the post when he gets in from work (he's usually home by about 4)

OP posts:
Donttellempike · 22/10/2025 12:01

OP you seem completely delusional about what is going here. You are married to an addict.

He will do , say, promise anything to you to get the next rush. That’s what addiction is.

You need to prioritize your and your child’s future. If you don’t , you stand to not only lose everything but be drowning in a mountain of debt.

Grammarninja · 22/10/2025 12:14

CarryOnRewardless · 22/10/2025 11:56

Could do, if he agrees to do it, as the card is in his name. Knowing my luck the new card will arrive in the post when I'm at work and he'll open the post when he gets in from work (he's usually home by about 4)

Edited
Show quote history

Surely if he's admitted that he has a gambling addiction then he knows he can't have a credit card and that it wouldn't be reasonable for him to expect you to be okay with him having one. Is this not the reason why you are in possession of the card at the moment?
This would be ultimatum territory for me. It's one thing trying to help him get out of the £8000 mess he's made but it's quite another for him to think it's reasonable for him to have access to a credit card when he knows he's an addict.
Is he at all apologetic about the £8000?

CatsMagic · 22/10/2025 12:15

UK registered casinos don’t allow credit cards to be used so he is using foreign websites , which means if he ever did have a win it’s highly unlikely he would see the money anyway.

My SiL is a gambling addict, and she is the loveliest kindest person you would ever meet and it’s a bastard of an addiction.

Unfortunately OP your DH has to want to stop , and it sounds like he doesn’t want to at the moment. If you want to tackle it together then you need to get him to face up to this- there is no middle ground for people who have problems with gambling , he can carry on gambling and lose everything or he can stop.

GamStop are a brilliant resource.

AphroditesSeashell · 22/10/2025 14:16

CarryOnRewardless · 22/10/2025 11:56

Could do, if he agrees to do it, as the card is in his name. Knowing my luck the new card will arrive in the post when I'm at work and he'll open the post when he gets in from work (he's usually home by about 4)

Edited
Show quote history

Referring to my point up above, this won't work if he has the app - which he will, because he's an addict and addicts are sneaky AF.

You could order a new card every week and as long as he can log into the app, he'll have access to the new card info. And potentially the ability to increase the credit limit.

You should be checking the statement weekly at a minimum. As mentioned, he can't be using the credit card online (British gambling sites, anyway) but he could be lifting cash and accruing huge charges for doing so.

There's also no way of knowing if he has other credit cards, overdrafts or loans. Have you checked your own credit report recently to ensure there's been nothing taken out in your/joint names? I suggest you both join the Money Supermarket Credit Club, and get him to give you his login info. That way you can check both your credit reports and all credit balances that are linked to your names.

It's time to start making some ultimatums - and meaning them.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 22/10/2025 16:50

Op, the bottom line is you can’t trust him.
And without trust, you don’t have a marriage worth saving

Cornishclio · 22/10/2025 16:57

ADHDwifeHP · 21/10/2025 19:23

Move the balance onto an interest free credits card in your name only. Get him to Freeze his credit so he can’t do it again x

Don’t do this

TenGreatFatSquirrels · 22/10/2025 17:23

And what’s to stop him from taking out multiple other credit cards without you knowing Op? Nothing.

You have to sever your financial ties to his debt via divorce or risk losing everything. Your house, your savings etc… all will be considered collateral to his debt because you’re married.

TenGreatFatSquirrels · 22/10/2025 17:26

Grammarninja · 22/10/2025 11:52

Can you tell the credit card company that you need to cancel your card as you've lost it and need a new one issued? Then keep new card hidden and the card on his phone won't work anymore...

This is very old fashioned thinking… the card will have an app and when a new card is requested the details appear on the app and he can then add it to his phone wallet and pay online for things. Physical cards are pretty useless nowadays.

Tassielassie · 22/10/2025 17:32

Your husband is an addict and will drag you into the gutter.

Contact Women's aid for advice.
You need to protect yourself from him.
I'm so sorry.

SliceofTosst · 22/10/2025 20:56

OP stop burying your head in the sand. He's an addict and it will hang over you. It could be OK for months or years and in a matter of hours lives ruined.

The best advice many people have given is leave.

CandidLurker · 22/10/2025 21:49

Getting rid of the card achieves nothing. The account will still be open. The account holder can change address, request a replacement card whenever they like. The actual account needs to be closed.

Ocelotfeet27 · 22/10/2025 22:05

I would get a loan (I mean him get onw) that pays off the credit card balance and where he has to pay X amount back a month. That way he hasn't got access to credit through it - though of course he could through other means. I'd be speaking to a solicitor about how you can protect your portion of the house and making plans to leave. Why would separating mean he couldn't have DC some nights to cover your work? Or do you think he'd refuse?

DoYouReally · 22/10/2025 22:26

Most banks have an anti gambling policy.

If he signs, they can block all transactions to gambling sites and they can also suspend the card, i.e. no future transactions. In some cases, they can term it out to a loan as it's cheaper and has a repayment schedule.

The problem is only he can do it, not you.

I'd leave him but easy for me to say.

SapphOhNo · 22/10/2025 22:30

Yeah I'd leave him too.

TheDenimPoet · 22/10/2025 22:42

CarryOnRewardless · 21/10/2025 13:09

Tried to close the account, they said they can’t close it with a balance owing. I could get him to try cancelling the card but wouldn’t they just send a new one in the post?

I’ve looked into changing jobs if I went back to admin work 9-5 which is what I used to do it would mean a £25k pay cut which I wouldn’t be able to do if I have to get a mortgage on my own (we live in the South East)

Cut it up and delete any memory of it from his computer/gambling sites that you see on the statements. I wouldn't have added it to the joint outgoings either. That would be fully and absolutely his problem to pay back.

ladycardamom · 22/10/2025 22:49

Can you divorce and continue living in the same home? Would that stop you being liable for debt he builds up? I'm not sure of legalities of that.

Shoemadlady · 22/10/2025 22:51

They can block the card from being used

ADHDwifeHP · 29/10/2025 16:16

caringcarer · 21/10/2025 19:43

Do not do this. It is not your debt. Stupid advice.

Show quote history

This approach worked for me and my DH… we paid off 10k in debt by doing this and are now debt free…just a suggested approach obviously won’t work for everyone and as I said in my follow up chat with OP it would only work if her DH was dedicated to GA which he’s clearly not accord to her subsequent posts ….