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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Man here but I've got a question

127 replies

Ciaran203 · 17/10/2025 14:46

Does your husband/BF does things like washes and irons his own clothes, make himself lunch, do dishes, helps with the dinner etc?

Because when my GF tells her friends/work mates that I do all of that they always call her "lucky" because thier partners dont do that.

OP posts:
didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 17/10/2025 14:48

You sound great. You deserve a medal. You're the only man ever to have done those things.

Tamfs · 17/10/2025 14:48

Too right he does. It's not lucky, it's the minimum standard of being an adult. So you don't get a gold star for doing it!

CrownCoats · 17/10/2025 14:48

Most men that I know do those things but nowhere near as much as their female partners. I’d guess the average division of labour is 80/20 in favour of women.

Megifer · 17/10/2025 14:49

Some men are just lazy bastards who had Mummy do all that for them so they just get used to the cleaning fairy floating around.

mollypuss1 · 17/10/2025 14:50

My DH does all these things and more.

I am not lucky.

ForTipsyFinch · 17/10/2025 14:50

‘Help’ with dinner? What like a child 😆

murasaki · 17/10/2025 14:51

Yes, because we are a team, I am not his slave.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/10/2025 14:51

My partner pulls his weight equally as he should, I don't feel lucky, if he didn't he'd be down the road

siucra · 17/10/2025 14:51

You are amazing. Wow. She’s so lucky.

TheRolyPolyBard · 17/10/2025 14:51

Wow, can you actually feed yourself and keep your habitat sanitary?

This is amazing! Where can I find a man who knows how to keep himself alive like this?

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 17/10/2025 14:51

Yes, we're a partnership and we both pull our weight!

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2025 14:52

The bar for men is under the floor. And as I say to DH, who does everything you do and more, "you don't get biscuits for being a generally acceptable human".

Possibly point out to other men how fucking ridiculous it is that they get treated like babies who can't clean themselves or their homes.

DiscoBob · 17/10/2025 14:52

They must have incredibly inadequate partners then. Yes it is normal for men to feed themselves, wash their own clothes and generally act like a grown adult. So there won't be any medals forthcoming from anyone on here.

ForTipsyFinch · 17/10/2025 14:52

Making lunch and ironing own clothes is a bare minimum, and tbh more fool any woman who does all the labour for a grown man.

It’s a non negotiable bare minimum for me, but labour distribution is very skewed in many households.

childofthe607080s · 17/10/2025 14:52

Irons his clothes and children’s
does washing and laundry
makes some dinners/lunches
takes turns cleaning the loos

he knows he’s lucky to have me so doesn’t act daft

SamphiretheTervosaur · 17/10/2025 14:52

You won't be getting a medal, or even congratulations, for that

Its called being an adult. My DH has been doing it for almost 50 years, he is 63!

You are very much the norm. Well done!

Whydoibotherration · 17/10/2025 14:52

Mine does all the DIY , all the gardening , loads the dishwasher and is in charge of spider removal . I can’t remember the last time we needed anyone else to make or fix anything for us . The DIY is much more useful than being able to ‘help’ with dinner

Needmorelego · 17/10/2025 14:53

My husband does some of those. I do some of those. There's no "rule" in our house.
Although he is in charge of washing up because I hate washing up.
Whichever one of us notices the laundry basket is full puts a wash on.
🤷

Unescorted · 17/10/2025 14:53

Yep - my husband is an adult. You are listing basic minimum standards....

ScrollingLeaves · 17/10/2025 14:54

Yes.

Girlmom35 · 17/10/2025 14:54

@Ciaran203 , what you've noticed is how unfair the division of domestic labour still is in our society.
Most men don't do these things.
Most men are also shit partners.
There's a reason why more and more women today are choosing to stay single rather than live with a man.

My husband does all these things.
I don't consider myself lucky. I consider myself to have an okay husband. He's not doing anything that I don't do times 5. Where is my round of applause?
In terms of contributing to household, childcare and domestic labour, a 'great' man is just an average woman.
No woman would consider herself a great wife for doing the bare minimum. No man would consider themselves lucky for having a wife who does the minimum of things you've just summed up.

Whydoibotherration · 17/10/2025 14:54

Ps I’m actually pretty surprised that people still iron !

ScrollingLeaves · 17/10/2025 14:57

Whydoibotherration · 17/10/2025 14:52

Mine does all the DIY , all the gardening , loads the dishwasher and is in charge of spider removal . I can’t remember the last time we needed anyone else to make or fix anything for us . The DIY is much more useful than being able to ‘help’ with dinner

Agree, this is great and worth its weight in gold if a person is truly good at it and does not leave jobs half finished, take months to complete them or leave a mess they want another to clear up.

Ciaran203 · 17/10/2025 14:59

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions I deserve a medal, Really? For doing basic things lol.

OP posts:
ILoveLukeAlderton · 17/10/2025 14:59

Yes most decent men do all those things and more. They also post on their own bloody forums because they recognise how few places there are that women can call their sodding own.

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