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Original poster

His wife is in Labour. What do I do?

131 replies

whatsupsis · 04/10/2025 12:34

I’ve been in a
relationship with a man for 7 months. We have got on really well he lives (or I thought he did) 2 hrs away in a city. He came here and stayed with me 2 nights a week and we have been on a city break to Europe. He has met my family.

He was meant to come yesterday afternoon but phoned to break it off with me. I’m ashamed to say I cried and
didnt let him go easily. He told me his wife was pregnant! HIS WIFE!! He said she’s in early stages of labour and he’s decided to make a go of it.

I’ve now realised I don’t know anyone from his life. He’s a self employed electrician. I do know his real name but can’t find any socials. He always hated socials.

Im stunned. I didn’t know he was married. I am such a fool! I mean I didn’t have a clue. I was so caught up
on
what fun we were having.

I haven’t told anyone I’m too embarrassed. My marriage broke up because my husband left me for someone else. I’m such a bloody fool.

what do I do? Well I don’t have the balls to do anything but I’ve got to get over this again. I’m so pissed off. Do you think he does have a
pregnant wife? How would I even find out? Mind you what would I do with the information. Probably nothing.

OP posts:
HRchatter · 04/10/2025 16:47

UpWhereTheyWalk · 04/10/2025 16:44

100% disagree.

I've been cheated on, and I've had a baby. (Years apart thankfully)

I would not want to be messaged in labour/ dealing with a newborn baby and be told that earth shattering news at that time. It would be utterly traumatic.

Thinking about it "my wife is in labour" is a genuis thing for this man to say to prevent op from finding her and telling her anything and could be a lie, as nobody decent would tell the wife in those circumstances.

Show quote history

I mean, fine, disagree.
But I would want to know this information, absolutely no way I would be performing through the precious newborn First pictures letting him have cuddles, posts on Facebook if I knew he’d been cheating.
It’s a bit of a now or never moment because if she lets him do all that and then find that in three months time she’s going to feel a bit of a fool and it will tarnish her memories anyway.
Better to not let her make them in the first place.

Pollqueen · 04/10/2025 16:52

Ouch. Poor wife and poor you. Hopefully karma will get him but not sure what you can do other than walk away with dignity. Sorry, that's horrible

UpWhereTheyWalk · 04/10/2025 17:03

HRchatter · 04/10/2025 16:47

I mean, fine, disagree.
But I would want to know this information, absolutely no way I would be performing through the precious newborn First pictures letting him have cuddles, posts on Facebook if I knew he’d been cheating.
It’s a bit of a now or never moment because if she lets him do all that and then find that in three months time she’s going to feel a bit of a fool and it will tarnish her memories anyway.
Better to not let her make them in the first place.

Show quote history

I'd rather look back at pictures and think "that was all a lie" with a relatively healthy state of mind, than have severe post natal depression and PTSD. I think that's the reality of what would happen for the wife honestly.
Don't get me wrong though, neither option is great.

Catpuss66 · 04/10/2025 17:15

HRchatter · 04/10/2025 12:47

Tell her.

Why? She has enough on her plate with having another bombshell dropped on her.
she hasn’t done anything wrong why punish her for her AH of a husband.
This was done to my friend who had a one yr old & newborn twins what did it achieve nothing other than cause misery for the wife & 15 yrs on she is still with him.

StewkeyBlue · 04/10/2025 17:40

Who knows what has gone on?

It could all be lies, it could be that he was not with his wife for the last 7 months but the birth has brought him to sudden reconciliation. He wouldn’t be the first, I have seen this happen.

But it’s all irrelevant.

You have had a horrible experience OP and it’s very upsetting to lose a relationship that you hoped was progressing.

It’s not you, it’s not your fault.

The only thing you need to do is focus on yourself and look after yourself.

Block him and delete all methods of contacting him, wallow and hurl yourself in friends until you feel ready to pick yourself up.

oforjceosn · 04/10/2025 17:46

Name changed for this but please don’t tell her whilst she is in labour. This happened to me and it was traumatic. Yes I needed to know, but finding out how I did meant my post-natal period was horrific and I struggled to bond with my baby because my life imploded. Tell her in a few weeks, when she has started to heal from birth and bonded with her baby only if you’re telling her for the right reasons and not to create a vacancy.

oforjceosn · 04/10/2025 17:47

UpWhereTheyWalk · 04/10/2025 17:03

I'd rather look back at pictures and think "that was all a lie" with a relatively healthy state of mind, than have severe post natal depression and PTSD. I think that's the reality of what would happen for the wife honestly.
Don't get me wrong though, neither option is great.

Show quote history

Couldn’t agree more. Speaking from experience

Greenwitchart · 04/10/2025 17:50

You dump him and find a way to get in touch with his poor wife (social media?) to let her know what a cheating scumbag he is so she can dump him too.

Deedeebob · 04/10/2025 17:54

He is a cunt. Hopefully karma gets him

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/10/2025 18:04

I’d block his number and move on. He has treated you as a fool. Don’t give him any more headspace. 💐

MrsColinRobinson · 04/10/2025 18:04

Sorry this happened OP, it must be a terrible shock.

I'm really curious though, didn't you ever go around or stay at his place?

That isn't intended at criticism, but if you were kept away from his wider world didn't that seem like a red flag?

Morningsleepin · 04/10/2025 18:09

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 04/10/2025 12:38

If you know where he lives, send a message to his wife telling her everything and apologise profusely, ps congratulations and good luck with the baby.

Then blacklist him.

There are no winners in this.

Don't do that. The poor woman will have just had a baby. She deserves to know but at a later date

LorrieTosh · 04/10/2025 18:17

whatsupsis · 04/10/2025 15:02

Thank you all for the advice. I will not be having any more to do with the prick! I have no idea how to contact his wife and Jesus she really doesn’t need me adding to her grief.
I have been a total idiot here. I swallowed all his lies. On the nights he stayed with me he usually had a day off or was just catching up with paperwork or quotes etc. sometimes he would have a job to do near by.

I have blocked his number now. I’ve sworn so much today. I’m so bloody cross.

Blocking is a good choice.

I’m usually firmly in the “give the wife/fiance/long-term girlfriend all the information she needs to make an informed decision” camp, but in this situation all you can really do is leave it well alone. Trying to contact her right now would be too cruel; horribly traumatic at the worst time. She’s not in the best position to make life-changing decisions immediately after giving birth.

You aren’t an idiot: you’re not the first and won’t be the last to fall for lies like this. Don’t blame yourself, talk to friends if you can, and remember you’ve dodged a bullet - this guy is a monumental prick.

Whoknowshey · 04/10/2025 18:22

whatsupsis · 04/10/2025 12:34

I’ve been in a
relationship with a man for 7 months. We have got on really well he lives (or I thought he did) 2 hrs away in a city. He came here and stayed with me 2 nights a week and we have been on a city break to Europe. He has met my family.

He was meant to come yesterday afternoon but phoned to break it off with me. I’m ashamed to say I cried and
didnt let him go easily. He told me his wife was pregnant! HIS WIFE!! He said she’s in early stages of labour and he’s decided to make a go of it.

I’ve now realised I don’t know anyone from his life. He’s a self employed electrician. I do know his real name but can’t find any socials. He always hated socials.

Im stunned. I didn’t know he was married. I am such a fool! I mean I didn’t have a clue. I was so caught up
on
what fun we were having.

I haven’t told anyone I’m too embarrassed. My marriage broke up because my husband left me for someone else. I’m such a bloody fool.

what do I do? Well I don’t have the balls to do anything but I’ve got to get over this again. I’m so pissed off. Do you think he does have a
pregnant wife? How would I even find out? Mind you what would I do with the information. Probably nothing.

I would usually say tell the wife. I’ve been the wife . However, this time I would say don’t. No matter what you do , you’re going to be hurt anyway - I think in this case you have to weigh up the best of the worst.

If you tell his wife now - and she is about to have a baby - this could open a whole world of hurt for her at a point when she is extremely emotionally vulnerable, You know the hurt caused by cheating and imagine it when you have just gave birth. This could trigger pnd , struggles to bond etc and her babies birthday will always be a difficult time for her and this could cause years of pain.

Either , they were broken up and decided to give it a go meaning it’s not cheating so she doesn’t need to know, if he’s cheated he likely wont stick up for you so you will be the home wrecker- which could open up a world of pain for you .

Cut ties and see this as a lucky escape . I’m sorry this happened to you x

Autumngirl5 · 04/10/2025 18:22

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 04/10/2025 12:38

If you know where he lives, send a message to his wife telling her everything and apologise profusely, ps congratulations and good luck with the baby.

Then blacklist him.

There are no winners in this.

OP please don’t do as this poster suggests. That would be beyond cruel if she has a newborn. I’m sorry for your situation but it would be awful to ruin her first weeks with her baby. She doesn’t deserve that.

FuzzyWolf · 04/10/2025 18:28

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 04/10/2025 12:38

If you know where he lives, send a message to his wife telling her everything and apologise profusely, ps congratulations and good luck with the baby.

Then blacklist him.

There are no winners in this.

Because that’s what every woman wants on the day they give birth!

deeahgwitch · 04/10/2025 18:31

GRCP · 04/10/2025 12:46

Bloody hell, how do people like this exist? I feel guilty if I don’t recycle my yoghurt pots.

This 💯😀

Onlyinthrees · 04/10/2025 18:40

oforjceosn · 04/10/2025 17:46

Name changed for this but please don’t tell her whilst she is in labour. This happened to me and it was traumatic. Yes I needed to know, but finding out how I did meant my post-natal period was horrific and I struggled to bond with my baby because my life imploded. Tell her in a few weeks, when she has started to heal from birth and bonded with her baby only if you’re telling her for the right reasons and not to create a vacancy.

Sorry to hear this happened to you xx

I was thinking of this too. You don’t know what kind of birth she’ll have or if the baby is healthy or what other support she has or her own history or anything like that. It would be very cruel to seek her out to tell her this around the time she gives birth or in the months after.

UnlimitedBacon · 04/10/2025 19:47

Christ op. What a shock. Walk away

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/10/2025 19:51

HRchatter · 04/10/2025 12:47

Tell her.

Don't tell her. What could be achieved by this. She is innocent of any wrong doing he's the cunt. Don't destroy her life when she's just had a baby.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 04/10/2025 21:28

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 04/10/2025 12:38

If you know where he lives, send a message to his wife telling her everything and apologise profusely, ps congratulations and good luck with the baby.

Then blacklist him.

There are no winners in this.

Don’t do this .

Megirlan123 · 04/10/2025 21:37

Run. Do not look back x

Maddy70 · 05/10/2025 00:22

You are a fling. Block. Move on

LeftieRightsHoarder · 05/10/2025 03:08

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 04/10/2025 12:42

You're not a fool. He was the AH for dating you while he was still married. Unfortunately you know the story now and I'm so sorry to hear it. Be good to yourself for awhile. Wallowing with Ben & Jerry's and Netflix is definitely allowed 🩷

I agree. You’ve done nothing wrong, OP, just trusted someone who turns out to be a lying shit. I wish you (and his poor wife) better luck in future.