His wife is in Labour. What do I do?

[whatsupsis]

I’ve been in a
relationship with a man for 7 months. We have got on really well he lives (or I thought he did) 2 hrs away in a city. He came here and stayed with me 2 nights a week and we have been on a city break to Europe. He has met my family.

He was meant to come yesterday afternoon but phoned to break it off with me. I’m ashamed to say I cried and
didnt let him go easily. He told me his wife was pregnant! HIS WIFE!! He said she’s in early stages of labour and he’s decided to make a go of it.

I’ve now realised I don’t know anyone from his life. He’s a self employed electrician. I do know his real name but can’t find any socials. He always hated socials.

Im stunned. I didn’t know he was married. I am such a fool! I mean I didn’t have a clue. I was so caught up
on
what fun we were having.

I haven’t told anyone I’m too embarrassed. My marriage broke up because my husband left me for someone else. I’m such a bloody fool.

what do I do? Well I don’t have the balls to do anything but I’ve got to get over this again. I’m so pissed off. Do you think he does have a
pregnant wife? How would I even find out? Mind you what would I do with the information. Probably nothing.

He may not even have a wife let alone a pregnant one! You know nothing about him only that he rushed into your life and has now left giving you a horrendous tale of him being married and his wife in labour.

He had no need to tell you that unless he wanted to hurt you terribly.

He also runs the risk of you acting in revenge.

He could have just told you it wasn’t working and wished you luck..

Therefore I think it’s entirely possible he had made up the wife and having a baby and more likely he’s a wrong un and probably been sent to prison.

You have no nedd to feel foolish. He didn't tell u he was married. He is a low-life. I would cut all ties with him. His poor wife.

Let it go. Mark it down as a life lesson and move on.

Seriously? When his wife has just given birth? That would be incredibly cruel. Then rub it in by saying congratulations and good luck? Few months down the line maybe but not right after giving birth

I'd say he does have a pregnant wife and you were conveniently fuckable while she was not in the mood and his nose was out of joint.

A late surge of guilt, or maybe a stern word from her dad, or thoughts of how much he stands to lose in a divorce, who knows, may have prompted him to swivel.

Tell your friends and ask for their support.

Put up brick walls between yourself and him.

Block him everywhere. Never contact him again. He's a WRONGUN.

If he does find a way to get to you and try to come sniffing back - tell him where to go.

He might try to do that when he realises he is no longer the centre of her attention and someone else has first call on her time, her care, her body. Don't cave.

There are debates about whether she needs to know.

You could probably find out who she is and how to contact her.

Keeping his secret and hope it was an aberration that he'll never commit again once he has a family?

Devastating a brand new mother and ripping everything she believed away from her?

Or telling her the truth that might hurt now but will save her from worse several years / several babies down the line when she's older, has fewer options to start again, is more financially bound to him?

I don't know.

Totally batshit advice. Don’t turn in to that twisted, illogical, stereotypical ‘woman scorned’ type of character.

Walk away with dignity. And I guarantee he’ll make contact within the next two years.

Run for hills op.

He may have given you his real name or it may have been a variant of it. There was a thread some time ago where a man gave a woman his name, she knew his date of birth and he didn't have any social media or online presence. I helped her do a little digging, and it turned out that he'd used his real first name, but the surname was actually his Mum's maiden name. Once she had his real surname, suddenly she found him on social media. The point, don't be so sure he's given you his correct details. I suspect he probably does have a pregnant wife, and was able to use his job (as an electrician) to tell his wife he's 'working away', to enable him to spend time with you. He's been playing both you and his poor pregnant wife. It's not your fault. My guess is, once you get over the shock, and reflect on the relationship, you may see you missed signs. You walk away, you don't tell his wife (assuming you track her down) and block him. Tell your friends the truth, because you'll need their support. Wallow for a few days, eat ice cream, cry and get all that sadness out. Then you pick yourself up, brush yourself down and don't give him any further headspace.... because you deserve better.

Op you walk away hold your head up high and tell people it just wasn't working out.

I definitely don't think contacting his wife is the right thing for anyone. I actually hope they are able to make a go of it for the babies sake.

You can only nurse your own hurt feelings and make sure you meet the next guys family / friends when they meet yours

I’m so sorry op, you’ve been badly let down by this manipulative liar

I’m afraid it happened to my lovely friend. She has a child with a man, they lived together, he worked away a bit.

He had MULTIPLE different relationships she knew nothing about. She only found out because she found his ‘other’ phone.

He’s such a nice guy when you meet him: a bit self involved maybe, but you’d never think he was a serial cheat. Luckily he had remained a decent dad and they co-parent ok, so that’s something.

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

But I agree with everyone saying don’t contact his wife, not with the timing of it.

You’ve done the best thing by blocking him x

Christ, what a shock! Maybe it is a lie… but it’s so specific. And most people don’t make up lies that make themselves look terrible. How did you two meet? Hope he wasn’t on a dating site while married. Anyway, I think you should take a bit of time out, focus on yourself and try to see this as a blessing. It must be awful to be so blindsided but now you know who he really is and can use that to channel a bit of anger instead of sadness

I'd want to know if I were her, it's unlikely this is the first time he's cheated and I'd put good money on it, it won't be the last. What a pos. I would try to find her on social media and send her a message with evidence.

You’d only be telling his wife to share the grief. Move on…

I agree. As the pregnant wife myself, I would beg you not to Spill The Beans. Let her have the newborn moment please 🥺

leave him alone and get better at spotting red flags going forward.

Run away, stopping at the STD clinic on your way. Don't get involved in any of it.

When your family ask what happened, tell them. You don't need the stress of covering for his deception.

Yeah definitely don't do this. It's very immature and pretty pathetic.

Just block, have a good cry and move on

You are not a fool! I would do nothing.

Men that do this are usually experienced in this type of betrayal.
My ex husband has this down to a T. Works away, no social media, not bad on the eye, extremely calculated, manipulative and knows how to turn on the charm.
I was the first wife and I got the foolish cheating where he was caught. I too was pregnant when the suspicions started but it wasn’t until our baby was 2 weeks old that I got definitive evidence.
I sucked up the lies for a couple of months but I was in a very vulnerable place, our baby was 12 weeks old when we separated.

He lived a dual life while in his second marriage with a couple of different long time girlfriends that resulted in children. He works away at the other side of the county which was perfect for him.
I had known a long time but I wouldn’t ever tell his wife, not my business and plus she had always hated me.
He was caught out and it was aired publicly and his wife still stood by him.
He left her when there was a bereavement in her close family.

You won’t be the first and you won’t be the last because men like this get off on this 🤮

The presentation is a bit rough around the edges but the substance is correct.

OP has had more than one partner involved in infidelity. It's possible that the behaviours of such men are now familiar to her and are imprinted on her psyche as the characteristics of her type of man. It's called schema theory.

By abstaining from the dating circuit for a period of time, she can have these psychological scripts and behavioural data points removed from her psyche so that when the next cheat comes along they won't feel familiar and attractive.

This is one of the reasons why women who have suffered domestic violence can sometimes have multiple relationships in succession with abusive partners.

12 months of dating detox and some self-reprogramming should be enough to wipe the psychological slate clean and have a decent go at meeting an honourable guy.

Do you think he does have a pregnant wife? How would I even find out?

No...by now, or before long, I think he has a wife and a newborn. If you were not the pregnant partner, I think you have dodged a bullet, even though getting over things and missing out on the 'fun' is also hard.

If he is lying - then do not wriggle out of recognising that that's how much value he put on your time together.

Are you seriously asking what to do? Wow.

You have not been a fool at all. This is all on him.

in the circumstances you have got off relatively lightly. Imagine if you were the wife? She is presumably oblivious to his actions. The bastard is a brilliant liar.

What do you do????……….You hold your head high and walk away! Wife or no wife…….he is a deceptive, lying twat and you deserve better.

100% disagree.

I've been cheated on, and I've had a baby. (Years apart thankfully)

I would not want to be messaged in labour/ dealing with a newborn baby and be told that earth shattering news at that time. It would be utterly traumatic.

Thinking about it "my wife is in labour" is a genuis thing for this man to say to prevent op from finding her and telling her anything and could be a lie, as nobody decent would tell the wife in those circumstances.