Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left me due to his mental health

116 replies

Woos0093 · 16/09/2025 06:40

I’m looking for advice, me and my husband have a 3 month old baby and last week he decided to leave me. He’s saying nothings my fault and he just wants to be alone because he is in a black hole. He’s saying he’s no good for me and has failed us, and can’t be in a relationship because he can’t love or be loved right now. I’ve tried to be supportive and stand by him but he keeps pushing me away and keeps saying he needs to be alone but still wants to help in anyway he can with the baby. Alone for how long? Do I wait for him? Do I continue offering my support when he clearly doesn’t want it? I can’t see my life without him and it’s killing me and I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
fedup078 · 16/09/2025 06:44

Has he always had issues with his mental health or is this a new thing?

ApricotCheesecake · 16/09/2025 06:50

Is he seeking help for his depression OP? Where is he living now?

Original poster
Woos0093 · 16/09/2025 06:52

Never had problems with his mental health, he always told me he didn’t believe in depression and anxiety which I thought was weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woos0093 · 16/09/2025 06:53

He’s told me he’s going to the doctors next week, and he’s gone back to live with his mum.

OP posts:
OhNoNotSusan · 16/09/2025 06:55

sounds like he has post natal depression,
you will cope op Flowers

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 16/09/2025 06:59

I'm so sorry. My friend's husband said similar, at a much later stage of life, and she was very worried about him. Sadly it eventually turned out that the mental health stuff was a smokescreen and he had been having an affair.

fedup078 · 16/09/2025 07:03

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 16/09/2025 06:59

I'm so sorry. My friend's husband said similar, at a much later stage of life, and she was very worried about him. Sadly it eventually turned out that the mental health stuff was a smokescreen and he had been having an affair.

Yes, I didn’t want to say this but this does often turn out to be the case . BUT not always. Hopefully on this occasion it isn’t and he will get help with genuine mental health issues and all will work out well .

MayaPinion · 16/09/2025 07:36

Affair was my first thought too.

pinkdelight · 16/09/2025 07:58

I know you must be in bits over this, but please prioritise looking after yourself and the baby. That’s enough to be dealing with and supporting him when he’s left you could drag you down too. Have you got family support?

OneChirpyLemonUser · 16/09/2025 08:02

Has he been prescribed anti depressants? This can completely mess with your head if he has started new medication.

Original poster
Woos0093 · 16/09/2025 08:02

Well you all mentioning affair he was seen by my family a couple weeks ago, with a women he works with and I confronted him and he said he ‘bumped’ into her. I (maybe stupidly) believed him and we got over it but this has all stemmed from there as he’s saying he’s upset all my family think he’s having an affair and is being made to look like the villain.
yes I have family support, my mums flying back from Spain to be with me for a month. Thank god for family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woos0093 · 16/09/2025 08:04

OneChirpyLemonUser
no he’s not on anything yet as he hasn’t actually seeked help, just saying he’s going to.

OP posts:
fedup078 · 16/09/2025 08:05

Well from your update op I’m sorry but I’d put my house on an affair in that case. Scum bag .

Greenwitchart · 16/09/2025 08:05

It sounds like he is just using mental health as a general excuse to leave you and the baby and to avoid looking like the "bad guy".

fedup078 · 16/09/2025 08:05

He’s using the cheaters ‘script’ and the mental health card is pretty much always used in it .

YodasHairyButt · 16/09/2025 08:06

Tread very carefully with your heart, this is sadly textbook.

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 16/09/2025 08:11

In that case, don’t waste a second of your time waiting for him to come back. He might temporarily but he will leave again.

It seems a reach for him to assume your family think he is cheating over bumping into him. If it was innocent he wouldn’t be reacting the way he is.

ThejoyofNC · 16/09/2025 08:13

Agree that this is textbook OP. Sorry.

LizzieSiddal · 16/09/2025 08:13

I’ve felt like this in the past, absolutely certain that my family would be much better off if I were to leave them all. It was a horrible feeling and fortunately I’ve eventually voiced my feelings and dh has persuaded me to see a Dr very quickly. Once on anti depressants I’ve been back to normal. I’m only telling telling you this because your H could be telling you the truth.
However given your update I’d be inclined to worry he is having an affair.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, please surround yourself with your family and friends and focus on you and your lovely baby.x

Didimum · 16/09/2025 08:14

Sorry, OP. Mostly points to an affair.

pinkdelight · 16/09/2025 08:19

Thank goodness for your mum coming over. I’m so sorry but I would assume the MH stuff is BS and the reason he’s not seen a gp is because he’s seeing that woman and any sadness he’s feeling is just guilt for being a titanic asshole in leaving you with your baby. Please don’t get sucked into any of his crap. See the gp/health visitor yourself if you’re feeling wobbly at all and surround yourself with people who love and care for you, not your ex. Your family sound strong and you will be too. Don’t let him blight this precious time with your baby. Take care and keep posting. There’s lots of support on here that will see you through.

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 08:20

I'm sorry OP but I agree with pp he is having an affair and following the script by blaming mental health.

Beggars believe doesn't it that a man's reaction to having a beautiful wee baby in their lives is to look for sex elsewhere because they can't face the responsibility of being a father and the fact they are no longer, quite rightly, the number one concern of the child's mother.

Tillow4ever · 16/09/2025 08:23

I’m so sorry op, but my initial thought was there’s someone else - then your update very much cemented that thought. If he is having an affair he’s scum - who does that when they have a brand new baby at home?

it sounds very much like he’s trying to deflect from being caught a few weeks ago.

Personally I wouldn’t let him have the baby or do anything to help - tell him you can only assume it’s having a baby that is contributing to his poor mental health and for his sake and the baby you don’t think it’s a good idea for them to be alone until he has gotten help for his depression and you see evidence if it working. He can hardly argue with that, and screw him getting to pick and choose which parts of being a dad he gets to do. If he is genuine, it’s probably safer this way, and if he’s a lying cunt that’s cheating it will front and centre remind him of what he has to lose.

I would start getting your ducks in a row and I would try to find evidence of his cheating in case he tries to crawl back and gaslight you into thinking it’s all better now.

HoppingPavlova · 16/09/2025 08:23

Would place good money on affair, and the mental health stuff is a great cover to avoid being labelled as a complete arsehole leaving your wife with new baby for another woman/easier life.

SirHumphreyRocks · 16/09/2025 08:25

Woos0093 · 16/09/2025 08:02

Well you all mentioning affair he was seen by my family a couple weeks ago, with a women he works with and I confronted him and he said he ‘bumped’ into her. I (maybe stupidly) believed him and we got over it but this has all stemmed from there as he’s saying he’s upset all my family think he’s having an affair and is being made to look like the villain.
yes I have family support, my mums flying back from Spain to be with me for a month. Thank god for family.

he was seen by my family a couple weeks ago, with a women he works

What does that mean? I have been retired for a year and still bump in to people I used to work with, and some of them are the opposite sex. He may or may not be telling the truth about his reasons for leaving, but I suspect that if this situation were reversed everybody wouldn't be rushing to assume an affair if it were a woman who left. Having a new baby can have a massive impact on men as well as women, and that is just as possible a situation.

Rather than assume reasons, what is it that you want from this?

Swipe left for the next trending thread