Family/friends/colleagues no longer like my husband, but I cant tell them the truth

[Sosad971827]

My husband used to be social, friendly, chatty , funny and had some friends who he has been friends with since childhood, very close. He had a job that involved wining and dining clients, giving talks and networking.a people person.
Out of nowhere a few years ago he became very depressed after having covid. It was very strange as he was at the top of his game at the time. This got worse for 6 months until he had a complete breakdown and developed psychosis, delusions and paranoia. It was horrific. During this time he withdrew from work, family and friends as you would expect really but he forbid me from telling ANYONE what was wrong, not even our parents. I suspect he was ashamed/embarrassed/confused and was not in the right headspace at that time.
He went on to have some amazing mental health support and has taken many different medications and has been hospitalised once. During all of this i had noone to speak to or support me/kids. I was looking after him , our children and working full time as he couldn't work anymore.
Any family functions etc myself and the kids went to alone and had to make an excuse he was poorly. We went on holiday alone, went to family/friends at xmas alone etc
Over time i really started to struggle and after begging him did tell his parents and mine. His were useless, mine just wanted me to leave him.
Anyway fast forward 5 years , he is a completely different person. Whatever happened to him and the medication he takes have changed his brain. He is solitary, quiet, a hermit, shows zero emotion or empathy, and has pushed everyone away.
His best friend of 40 years no longer speaks to him. His dad died and my husband did not go to the funeral even though they had always been close, this must of hurt his friend tremendously.
Everyone comments to me on how unsociable he is and I deserve a medal being with him/ or why am I with him? Noone knows the truth and just think that hes rude/arrogant/miserable.
I feel so sorry for him but I dont think he has dealt with this in the right way. Any advice?

It’s reasonable to confide in someone close such as a friend, and if mental health is the barrier here then perhaps taking to him about calling it a medication side effect, brain injury or other term that he feels more comfortable with? You could also consider to join a support group for carers, this is a confidential and supportive space that you might find helpful as whilst friends can perhaps comfort you, they may not fully appreciate what you’re dealing with day to day. I wish you the best with all of this, it must be incredibly hard.

That sounds very hard. Do you have children? Id rather do the caring so they dont have to but your advice to make sure it doesn't drag you down too is good. My DM knows and keeps asking if his ' high blood pressure is better' and his mother asked me to check if he had Parkinsons!' But I don't care now. Hes embarrassed when I said I applied for a carers card and contact carers organisations but the way I look at it is if he doesn't want a carer he needs to do the work to make sure he no longer needs one.

Wow this is so sad. You mention the fact that you love him and I think that is wonderful but I do see from what you have written that you have become completely subsumed in your relationship. Something to question is if your children were to experience something like this in the future as either your husband or as yourself’s part in it what would you advise them. There is a certain amount of what you are saying about his capacity but in your side there is a certain amount of enabling. You are literally allowing the least mentally healthy person in your family to dictate how life will be going forward. I agree with another poster who suggested that you should front up to him about telling people so that you can get some support. Where things are now it comes off that you are being very controlled by an ill man. I wonder if in the longer term that will be helpful to either of you.