Did you do 'checks' on a new boyfriend? (Eg disclosure schemes)

[GreyCarpet]

I didn't.

I've had cause to check someone before (not someone I was dating) and work in a safeguarding role so I'm not oblivious but I'd known him for several years as a friend and wouldn't have dated him if I'd felt the need to check.

He asked me outright a couple of weeks ago if I had (we were discussing the case which brought about Claire's Law). I was a bit surprised by the question, tbh.

And he seemed quite surprised that I hadn't but accepted that I wouldn't have dated him if I'd thought I had any reason specifically to do so. He'd assumed I just would have done given the level of violence against women and children.

I just wondered if it was something many women did really.

I suppose I'm just quite vocal about violence against women and maybe it made him wonder whether I had.

I don't know. I certainly don't have any concerns in that respect but, as I said to him at the time, I wouldn't have gone out with him if I had. And would have had no qualms in ending it had anything given me cause for concern.

I really was just curious as to whether it was something women did as par for the course. It wasn't any deeper than that.

I read it as yes you can make a request. But police may choose not to reply or disclose unless there is a danger and then they would involve other agencies.
However no response from the police may just mean they chose not to check. Huge data protection implications.

No op, they don’t do as par for the course.

in any event, just imagine the time and expenditure on this!!

And if you ask friends and family - I’m almost certain they’d also say no and also be surprised that he asked and would be surprised that he was surprised you hadn’t!

I agree with this.

I have never done one and neither have my friends; I know this because we are also very vocal about VAWG and discuss things like this openly. Anyone we had an ‘incline’ about wouldn’t get past the first couple of dates.

Not too sure about this… if there’s DV or violence on a man’s file, I believe they are obliged under Clare’s law to tell you (deemed as a vulnerable person or not)

I had checks done on an ex based on erratic behaviour and rumours. The police actually said usually there’s no smoke without fire. His record was clear of any DV-related charges, and they didn’t disclose anything else. They also said a lot of that goes unreported so to be careful in any case

This is very reassuring, I wonder why the whole legal system isn't built like this?

You meet a man who isn't married at 40 and doesn't proudly admit to you on the first date that he did a five year stretch for ABH. Reason, hes got to be a nonce hasn't he ? I mean, there's no evidence but why does that matter ?

Why not spread unfounded lies about him because Mrs Smiths, neighbours, aunties, nephew said a rumour, or perhaps you heard it on Facebook? Beacon of truth that is.

Best round him up now, you've already found him guilty.

Yes I did a Claire's Law check on my now long term partner and have no regrets. To be clear, I didn't suspect him to have a shady past or convictions etc, I did it purely as a precaution because it was my first relationship since fleeing a violent marriage years earlier and also because I had a child to protect.
As expected, the check came back clear but I needed that reassurance.
I've never told him I did it but if he asked me outright then I'd have no qualms about saying yes I checked you out before letting you into my home or near my child. IMO it's just basic common sense.
After all, you wouldnt interview someone for a job then fail to check references and CRB checks etc just because they seemed really nice at interview!
Police were actually telling me when they callwd to say all clear that it's refreshing to hear a woman doing these checks as a sensible precaution instead of waiting till a man raises concerns etc.

Yes I did but I am a rape and SA survivor and I wanted to be as sure as I could be.

nothing would have come up for my attacker though (but it will now). But I wanted the peace of mind of at least having checked.

In the year ending March 2020, 8,591 ‘right to know’ applications were applied for in England and Wales. 4479 (52%) applications resulted in disclosure.
In the year ending March 2020, 11,556 ‘right to ask’ applications were applied for in England and Wales. 4,236 (37%) applications resulted in disclosure.

If there’s nothing to hide, there’s nothing to hide. Fact is those with dangerous histories lie about it. Have a think about how and why this law came about

It did, thankfully!

Yes but he still made you uneasy didn’t he

I had no reason to believe my new partner would have violence in his past… he is all green flags, but I have kids so I thought it best, I have family members who are police and they asked if it was something I had considered. It was so simple to do, and I did tell him I’d done it so he was aware. I think it’s important in this day and age to check.

I know I’m not the person you’re directing this to but. I have no qualms at all about my now partner.

I still did the checks.

You have completely misunderstood me

fact is…. The partner made the poster feel uneasy. And that is the case with or without any history. And that isn’t good!

@Taztoy

so you have no qualms and submitted a request just because you wanted to know either way. But had zero concerns

you would not have received a response

And?

My partner didn’t make me feel uneasy at all.

he’s nothing but green flags.

I still did the Claire’s law request because I’m a rape and SA survivor. And I wanted as much reassurance as I could get.

We are going around in circles

the poster to which I responded said she felt uneasy. That in itself, irrespective of anything else, is not a good sign!

and as for your submission, please can you take us through it. You applied and said you had zero cause for concern but just fancied knowing.

did you receive a response?

Having recently left an abusive relationship I have been wondering if Clare's Law works the other way, if that makes sense (i.e. can you submit concerns to police for the benefit of the abuser's future girlfriend, should she make a request for information). I knew my ex-partner for years before we got together (in a bit of a warts-and-all kind of way, to be honest) but during the final 6-12 months of our relationship his abusive behaviour kept escalating.

If it’s any help, I’ve been told that even though my case hasn’t been to court yet if a future girlfriend was to ask any questions regarding my attacker the report I made that is going to court (rape with violence and sexual assault and strangulation) would be disclosed. Not the specifics of me or any of my details but that there had been a report of xyz.

@Chilliprawnpls I asked my liaison officer to do the check for me when she and a police officer were in my house and she reported back to me the next day.

You seem to be interpreting that differently to everyone else. You need to already have the concern, not have no concerns but still want to use it as a standard part of your personal vetting process.

Unless you're suggesting that people should erroneously suggest they have concerns in an attempt to manipulate a disclosure. And if you are suggesting anyone who fancies checking should use up valuable police time and resources, which might consequently delay genuine requests, that's pretty alarming and places those women who really need to know at greater risk.

You had a liaison officer following a very serious attack on you, who submitted the request.

@TriciaMcMillan Unfortunately there’s various misinformation on the thread which is suggesting just that.

Thank you for your reply Taztoy - I'm so sorry to hear of what happened to you, I hope justice is served 💐
I don't think the things that happened in my now-finished relationship would warrant an official police report, and I'd be too scared that he'd find out anyway as he's quite unstable and belongs to a family who have the most remarkable shared victim complex and enjoy bragging about their criminal contacts. I should think they will want his next relationship to be with someone they approve of anyway (i.e. a much younger woman from their home country).