Did you do 'checks' on a new boyfriend? (Eg disclosure schemes)

[GreyCarpet]

I didn't.

I've had cause to check someone before (not someone I was dating) and work in a safeguarding role so I'm not oblivious but I'd known him for several years as a friend and wouldn't have dated him if I'd felt the need to check.

He asked me outright a couple of weeks ago if I had (we were discussing the case which brought about Claire's Law). I was a bit surprised by the question, tbh.

And he seemed quite surprised that I hadn't but accepted that I wouldn't have dated him if I'd thought I had any reason specifically to do so. He'd assumed I just would have done given the level of violence against women and children.

I just wondered if it was something many women did really.

I think we can all agree… there will be a lot more to this

Feels a little bit like he's virtual signalling.

"men are bastards arent they, not me though, i'm one of the good ones."

This again. A Claire’s law disclosures requires a significant breach of an individuals right to privacy

the police interview you first and will only disclose if the threat of harm outweighs those rights

in my experience the bar is set high

I know..

We all agree on this
but daft @Mrsttcno1 continues to argue otherwise. Honestly

@bittertwisted did you see this gem For Clare’s law all you would need to say is that you’re in a new relationship & feel unsure about someone’s past?

Taken directly from the guidance on Clare’s Law, hope this helps you :)

You can make a request, they will not disclose unless the risk of harm outweighs the breach of privacy

then will ask you to come to the police station to detain why you feel endangered, then they will put the request in.

Do you plan to get testimonies from his more recent partners, because a DBS check won't tell you if he's an a$$hole or not?!

Carry on reading sweetie

about how information will ONLY be released IF following police referral to multiple agencies all agree that it needs to be make public knowledge

Oh I didn’t follow my own advice (and others on other threads with @Mrsttcno1 passing on her wisdom) to ignore @Mrsttcno1 !!

lot more to what? to her story? i doubt so
to my story? no, just sharing what happened to me so it's important to know that not all cases are represented corrected.

you must provide firm evidence of the risk being posed to you. I have actually requested and received one, it’s a horrible process

it hasn’t failed me yet- last time my spider senses were tingling, I found out someone I was seeing had been arrested for murder years ago… case still unsolved, short lived relationship- obviously! Have not had reason to look current partner up.

My lovely Dad was arrested for murder in a very high profile national enquiry some years ago. He was released without charge (because he hadn't done it) so being arrested is not the same as being convicted!!! Someone else was later arrested, charged and found guilty. Do not conflate the two things.

I think in this case I probably would, just to be on the safe side.

You are not allowed to tell anyone if you’ve made a disclosure, and you must not share any details
thr police make this very clear before they disclose. You don’t get anything in writing

I was on your other thread

You are a clinical psychologist my ass!

I’ve had 2 experiences.

1. dated someone who told me he had a criminal record from over a decade ago (think along lines of GBH, got in a fight). He was v open with me & his closest friend but I checked the facts and the police were v nice about it. The facts were consistent. I’m still friends with this man & some time after the relationship ended I told him what I did but did not give details - nor did he ask. He was pleased I kept myself safe.
2. I dated someone with gaps in his past & with a history of drugs. He had said some things that made me feel unsafe. I was questioning whether to end our short romance. First police officer was extremely horrible with me & said I had no right to this info (bastard) even though I had dcs and was concerned about what the man was telling me. I asked to speak to another police officer and she was amazing. She listened to why I was asking, said I did have a case & they phoned me back after checks to say he was clear but if I had any concerns to call them.

i realised after that they can only tell you if there’s a record of violence, not drug-related charges. I still wonder if that guy had this instead, but it’s done now & ended years ago.

For clarity.

I have children but they are adults now.

I have used Sarah's Law and so I know exactly how it works and what level of 'reason' you need, which, in my case, was none beyond this person will be having contact with my child.

We have been together for 4 years and he asked me out of curiosity. Not because he was worried I had and what would he exposed.

I have no concerns around my own situation but his question did make me wonder if it was something that women do. Not for every first date but at some point.

Presumably he was so surprised because his previous partners have submitted requests?

No. I think it was more because of discussions we've had. I think he just assumed I would have done.

I'm not concerned at all about him having asked. I just wondered if it was something many women did.

Bizarre he’d have assumed that

Well, maybe he didn't assume. Maybe he just wondered. I don't know. I didn't ask.

But I did just wonder if anyone did. That is all.

if that was the case he shouldn’t know, you are told you must not tell anyone that you have been given the disclosure

I know you don’t think it’s strange

but I think it is odd your partner was actually “surprised” that you had not submitted a Clare’s Law request