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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish friend expects me to pay high price when on low income

311 replies

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

OP posts:
SweetTalkinWookie · 11/09/2025 09:58

I'm assuming the app is First Table - you pay a booking fee and get 50% off your bill if you book during quieter times, usually early or late. Saves a fortune.

I would expect much change from £30 for a meal these days, unless it was Wwetherspoons or McDonalds.

MegMez · 11/09/2025 10:00

I've been the lowest earner in some friend groups and it's OK to say "that's too expensive for me" but also what I'm not hearing is your suggestions.

I've got friends who earn twice what I'm on and when I've asked if they want to come to a concert have said they can't afford it (I'm talking £25 tickets in our local city not £100+ and a hotel room). We live in a cheaper area and a smaller house so we can still do nice things.

What gets my goat is when they don't make the suggestions. I'm like some sort of social secretary in some groups giving all of the ideas and coordinating the days out, meals out, drinks out. I'm always very open about the cost and make sure the logistics work for everyone.

Could you suggest some cheaper activities or meals out? I don't think it's selfish of your friend to want to go to nice places and try new restaurants and it sounds like she enjoys spending time with you but you do need to be more vocal about your budget. "I can't afford that so could we go to this place instead" type of thing.

The 50% voucher sounds like she was trying and I get that there are still added extras but that's still a discount. Again, it's OK to say that it's too much for your budget but please suggest some alternative. Could even be a takeaway at your house or cooking a meal to share at home.

SweetnsourNZ · 11/09/2025 10:00

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:03

Because she is tight and does not want to lose £4 each on a booking fee. I am having to finish work early as she booked the table for 5pm without asking me. Then says she is going to have to rush and get a taxi to get there. Luckily I am driving but she is just wasting £15-20 on a taxi when she could have booked later and got the bus or train and saved money too.

She doesn’t look into things. A recent concert was cancelled and was annoyed the hotel wouldn’t refund her. She eventually got her way but the hotel didn’t have to refund her. I said that was I pay extra for flex room to cancel at last minute if needed.

Sounds like she is on First Table app. She will also be accruing any bonuses for using it. Just say no, it's your life and your money.

Itwiznyme · 11/09/2025 10:02

Aren’t helping? That’s because it’s not what you want to hear! £30 is honestly not expensive for a meal out. Once you factor in drinks, starter, main course etc. Waht sort of price are you expecting to pay? I think the same as a lot of the other posters here. You don’t sound like you like your “friend” very much. Maybe just take yourself to maccies?

Simplelobsterhat · 11/09/2025 10:04

Is £30 the cost of a main course or the cost of the meal as a whole? Most people seem to be reading it as the latter, whereas I read it as the former and if so that is on the fairly expensive side round here. Can certainly get decent chains and nice pubs cheaper for a main course.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 11/09/2025 10:05

Delly9 · 11/09/2025 09:25

I think it’s cos a lot of people were having a go at me on here and I am trying to be reasonable. She doesn’t respect my time or working hours. I did tell her my budget before she even booked anything.

I feel like getting there late and losing the £4 to be honest.

Do better than that and tell her that your circumstances have changed (she doesn't need to know that the change in circumstances is people on mumsnet lovingly kicking your butt to stand up for your own needs), and that you are no longer able to do today. Tell her to tell the restaurant that you won't be coming and meet you another time - and then fucking well insist that you meet her in a coffee shop of YOUR choosing not a pricey venue of hers. If she whinges about wanting her precious £4 I'd tell her that it's her responsibility to pay because she didn't check with you first before assuming you'd be able to leave work early, and that she shouldn't have booked anywhere without first okaying it with you!

ShoveItUpYourArseMargaret · 11/09/2025 10:06

Your friend is being ridiculous. I cant believe she's expecting you to finish work early for a stupid deal. Just tell her you can only meet after work and have a budget of X amount.

She also sounds v superficial, why chase deals for a fancy restraunt when you can meet up anywhere. Does she actually want to see you or does she just want someone to go with?

TorroFerney · 11/09/2025 10:06

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

You don’t have to do anything. Are you afraid of conflict? Do you enjoy being a martyr?

seratoninmoonbeams · 11/09/2025 10:06

It’s just not that complicated. If she’s a true friend you say I can’t afford (how ever much). Can we go somewhere like Zizzi or Prezzo (or whatever is in your area that always offers 40% off but is still decent). Also say I don’t finish till five and then would like to go home and freshen up so seven would work for me. It is that simple because you are both adults. If she won’t compromise she isn’t really a friend surely.

SquaredPaper · 11/09/2025 10:07

TorroFerney · 11/09/2025 10:06

You don’t have to do anything. Are you afraid of conflict? Do you enjoy being a martyr?

This. You have agency, OP. What is it that makes you feel you don’t?

Sam9769 · 11/09/2025 10:08

OP says that she doesn't think that she should have to pay the same as her friend obviously because her friend has more money then her.
That's the problem here as OP sees it.
Unfortunately, OP needs to pay her own way. Her friend is not going to subsidise her meals out. There will always be people who earn more and less than you.
This is not a healthy relationship and OP would be better off ending it.

TheClaaaw · 11/09/2025 10:08

notnowfred · 11/09/2025 08:58

Is op expecting her friend to subsidise her meal because she’s on a higher wage? Is that why she thinks friend is tight?

That’s how it comes across, isn’t it? Calling her tight and the “I shouldn’t have to pay the same as her” comments certainly give this impression: OP isn’t saying “we should go to a (mythical) cheaper place” she is implying that she expects her friend to subsidise her/ pay for her.

The only other way she could expect that her friend pays more than her is if she believes that restaurants should adjust their prices according to your salary…! 😆

SweetnsourNZ · 11/09/2025 10:08

JustineRobots · 10/09/2025 20:23

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

They're not saying what you want to hear, which is a different thing to being unhelpful. Saying your friend is being unreasonable for expecting you to spend £30 on a meal makes YOU the unreasonable one, because it isn’t anywhere near as expensive as you are making out. And by sniffing out a deal to get you a £60 meal at £30, she probably thinks she’s doing you a favour, when actually you’re hopping mad at having to spend that much.

You need to be upfront with her.

Yes. She is obviously signed up to a First Table app. Maybe she has done this with OP in mind.

chattychatchatty · 11/09/2025 10:09

Be clear about what you want to pay (say what you can afford to pay if you’d prefer): Friend, I have done my budget for the month and I don’t have more than £20 for our night out I’m afraid - can we go to XYZ place instead?
Or, as you say, get the soup. I have one group of friends where everyone pays for what they’ve ordered at a meal so that those looking to keep it cheap can do so - no one bats an eyelid.
And tell her straight that you can’t make the table time because guess what, you have work too, so you’ll find somewhere else, net off the £4 from your budget for the night and maybe just get a drink and eat at home!
It sounds like a very unbalanced dynamic.

Zippidydoodah · 11/09/2025 10:10

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 10/09/2025 19:15

For goodness sake

Woman up, tell her you can't afford it.

This. You are letting her walk all over you.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 11/09/2025 10:13

Simplelobsterhat · 11/09/2025 10:04

Is £30 the cost of a main course or the cost of the meal as a whole? Most people seem to be reading it as the latter, whereas I read it as the former and if so that is on the fairly expensive side round here. Can certainly get decent chains and nice pubs cheaper for a main course.

You're missing the point. The point is that OP has said she can't afford £30.It doesn't matter if it's one bowl of ice cream for £30 or a salad leaf - though I'm sure if she's on a budget she probably isn't talking about multiple courses and alcohol.

ThatLemonBear · 11/09/2025 10:13

Why do you always have to eat out? Can’t you invite her to yours, ask her to bring a bottle (or two!), bung some pizzas in the oven or something like that?

Optimist2020 · 11/09/2025 10:15

Could you suggest to meet up for soft drinks @Delly9 ? Perhaps you should tell her , I can only spend £15, let’s meet for coffee. I think you’ll struggle to have a main course and a soft drink for less than £30 in the West Midlands, perhaps meals out should be put on hold.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 11/09/2025 10:15

If you haven't told your friend that it's too much, then she probably assumes that you can afford it. £30 seems fairly standard for a restaurant meal - main course £12-15, dessert £6-8 and a drink about £4-5, plus the tip would easily get you to £30 in a pub/standard restaurant like a Toby carvery or similar.

Just tell her, if she's your friend, she'll understand.

Thenortherncardinal · 11/09/2025 10:16

Tell her that in future to run it by you before booking as you can't afford expensive meals. And maybe you need to take over the reins and start making most of the bookings.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 11/09/2025 10:17

Justchilling07 · 11/09/2025 01:09

Adding sorry, at the end of a put down (to op) doesn’t then make it ok😬
Yes op, needs to be firm, let her friend know, that the places, she chooses, are bit on the expensive side and op, will choose, or at least have some say in where they meet up, in future.
And no, l don’t think op is jealous, fed up, excuse the pun.Op just tell her, the places she chooses are too expensive.

I havent put the op down

I said she seems jealous, but said sorry as I thought she doesnt seem the spiteful type but more that she isnt recognising the truth

SweetnsourNZ · 11/09/2025 10:18

Do you actually like this friend? Doesn't sound like a viable friendship to me. It's not just the money issue but the lack of communication between you. Can see this ending real bad.

Bluebigclouds · 11/09/2025 10:19

Just tell her you don't want to meet at a restaurant again and suggest something else? Don't agree to anything that doesn't suit you.

£30 isn't that expensive these days for a meal unfortunately.

Delly9 · 11/09/2025 10:23

I think she just want to use the voucher up and someone says she will get bonus commission on the app as she seems more bothered about that than if we will both like the place.

OP posts:
9ctself · 11/09/2025 10:24

30 for a meal is an issue ? As an adult? Even Nandos costs more than that

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