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Relationships

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Original poster

Late 30s and still lives with his parents

123 replies

tokyy · 08/09/2025 17:20

I went on a date last week with a guy I met on hinge. I’ve enjoyed chatting to him and for the most part we had a good date until it came up that he lives with his parents. I find it a bit off putting if I’m being very honest. I asked him if he’s ever lived outside he’s family home and his response was a little confusing so I assume not. He spoke about some of his future plans which include buying his parents council house using right to buy and other things that all sound really convoluted. I’m not sure why this is bothering me so much, I am pretty independent and have my own place. Would this bother you?

OP posts:

Mrsttcno1 · 08/09/2025 17:21

It would absolutely bother me, and would be enough for me to pass on him to be honest.

Unicornuni · 08/09/2025 17:22

Yeah, throw him back. The huge discounts that used to be given have gone. It seems like he is waiting for them to die so he can “inherit” the tenancy.

Rallentanda · 08/09/2025 17:22

Yes it would absolutely bother me. His poor parents. I might be being harsh but I would imagine he has all sorts of basic adult stuff covered by his parents and I would find that a huge turn-off. A complete deal breaker.

PerkyGreenCat · 08/09/2025 17:22

Yes, it's weird! He's planning to buy his parents council property? Why doesn't he want to venture out on his own? I wouldn't entertain a second date to find out to be honest!

IdaGlossop · 08/09/2025 17:23

It would because it suggests lack of drive. However, my dad married my mum when he was 38 and had until then lived with his mother and he was a good partner and fantastic dad.

NewmummyJ · 08/09/2025 17:23

Sounds like a 'failure to launch' case to me, would probably throw this one back!

Hatty65 · 08/09/2025 17:25

I'm someone who left home at 17 and find this weird. I could not fancy a bloke this age who still lived with his Mum.

FancyCatSlave · 08/09/2025 17:26

Always lived with parents would be a huge No at over say 28. Living with parents temporarily after a relationship breakdown for example, or after coming back from travelling or working abroad would be ok.

I might have to move back in with my parents during my divorce as a very temporary measure, I’m 47. But it would only be to not break a housing chain, not as a lifestyle choice!

Original poster

tokyy · 08/09/2025 17:32

Unicornuni · 08/09/2025 17:22

Yeah, throw him back. The huge discounts that used to be given have gone. It seems like he is waiting for them to die so he can “inherit” the tenancy.

I thought this too. Like how is it even worth it at this stage? He spoke about the need to prioritise his parents first and making sure they’re set up before taking care of himself. His plan makes little sense to me

OP posts:

Original poster

tokyy · 08/09/2025 17:33

PerkyGreenCat · 08/09/2025 17:22

Yes, it's weird! He's planning to buy his parents council property? Why doesn't he want to venture out on his own? I wouldn't entertain a second date to find out to be honest!

My thoughts exactly. I asked him where he is with said “plan”. He said he applied back in October and should have w decision in the next couple of weeks. Sounds like BS to me

OP posts:

Original poster

tokyy · 08/09/2025 17:34

NewmummyJ · 08/09/2025 17:23

Sounds like a 'failure to launch' case to me, would probably throw this one back!

I think so too, he’s a really nice guy but this is all very unattractive!

OP posts:

StrangerOnline · 08/09/2025 17:46

I hate admitting it (as it’s very judgmental) but yes, it would bother me. It’s not attractive.
But playing devils advocate, economy has made it harder for anyone to buy independently and if he’s not had a serious/ long term girlfriend to rent with then presumably he’s got decent savings?

But OTOH what adult wants to live in parents house unless they are needed as a carer? (Or, as above, just temporary). It’s not normal.

If you understandably don’t see him again though, please tell him the truth about why.

Bufftailed · 08/09/2025 17:47

I think it’s a bit of a no no for me. Unless a very exceptional, short term reason. Late 30s???

frozendaisy · 08/09/2025 17:49

He, and his parents, are waiting for "the wife" to hand him over and then everyone can get on with their lives. The wife will have a fully funded housing situation and a decent pension for him to enjoy the finer things in life later on.

Don't be "the wife" OP.

StrangerOnline · 08/09/2025 17:49

Oh, just seen - he’s not 30.
Late 30s… even worse!

IllBeLookingAtTheMoon · 08/09/2025 17:50

You never know tbh. He might have very valid reasons that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing with someone he barely knows.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 08/09/2025 17:50

Run for the hills and don't look back. There is likely either a toxic codependency with his parents or he's just not had enough drive to leave the nest.

Timeforanewgame · 08/09/2025 17:52

Run OP!

tellmesomethingtrue · 08/09/2025 17:54

Sounds like a man-child to me.

My brother-in-law lived with his parents until he was 38. He’d never dealt with council tax, missed bin collection, house insurance, solicitors, internet, water meters, gas bills or anything like that.

Plus his mother did his laundry, ironing and packed lunches for absolutely years!!!

tellmesomethingtrue · 08/09/2025 17:55

He eventually moved out to a wife who owned her own house. Jammy.

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 08/09/2025 17:56

Up to age 30 this wouldn't bother me too much. Late 30s.... yes it would!

MyElatedUmberFinch · 08/09/2025 17:56

It would 100% bother me.

Bccbonbon · 08/09/2025 17:59

well in Italy, Greece etc this is perfectly normal given living costs, and families being tight knit. Where is he from?

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 08/09/2025 18:02

Bccbonbon · 08/09/2025 17:59

well in Italy, Greece etc this is perfectly normal given living costs, and families being tight knit. Where is he from?

It matters less where he's from and more what OP expects/wants in a partner.

Original poster

tokyy · 08/09/2025 18:07

Bccbonbon · 08/09/2025 17:59

well in Italy, Greece etc this is perfectly normal given living costs, and families being tight knit. Where is he from?

He lives in London with his parents and younger siblings. I feel like he’s trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist. His parents don’t need him to buy their home (they’ve said as much), he just wants to for whatever reason. In my mind he is either lying and thinks this story is impressive to me (it’s not) or he makes questionable decisions/plans.

OP posts:

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