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Original poster

Late 30s and still lives with his parents

123 replies

tokyy · 08/09/2025 17:20

I went on a date last week with a guy I met on hinge. I’ve enjoyed chatting to him and for the most part we had a good date until it came up that he lives with his parents. I find it a bit off putting if I’m being very honest. I asked him if he’s ever lived outside he’s family home and his response was a little confusing so I assume not. He spoke about some of his future plans which include buying his parents council house using right to buy and other things that all sound really convoluted. I’m not sure why this is bothering me so much, I am pretty independent and have my own place. Would this bother you?

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 08/09/2025 18:09

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 08/09/2025 17:56

Up to age 30 this wouldn't bother me too much. Late 30s.... yes it would!

My thoughts as well

Silverbirchleaf · 08/09/2025 18:13

“He spoke about the need to prioritise his parents first and making sure they’re set up before taking care of himself.”

He’s telling you that you’ll always will be second best and his parents will come first. Possibly his parents are manipulating him, and not letting go of the apron strings, but he may also just be too comfortable at home. Whatever the situation, read between the lines .

DelphiniumBlue · 08/09/2025 18:15

Buying his parents council house is probably the only way he can get on the London housing ladder. However, this sounds like a very long-term plan, what's the short and middle-term plan? Has he got savings? Will buying their house mean that he won't be able to afford to move out?
As for how long it takes to complete a purchase on a RTB, it's a very long haul. Understandably, councils don't prioritise it, and it takes forever to get anything done. Last time I checked ( some time ago tbh) it was a couple of years. That's why the property is valued at the date of the application, which used to be a massive benefit to the buyer when house prices were increasing quickly. So I wouldn't assume he was lying about that.

Livpool · 08/09/2025 18:16

He sounds like my cousin - 35 and still at home! She post all kinds of crap on SM that I would expect from a 12 year old too 🤦🏼‍♀️. I always wonder who would want to date her!

Subwaystop · 08/09/2025 22:10

Does he have a really good job and is saving tons of money?

feelingalittlehorse · 08/09/2025 22:22

There are some very specific circumstances where I would accept someone living with their parents long term as an adult. This isn’t one of them. It’s be a no from me.

RealPerson · 08/09/2025 22:32

I had an ex like this. It ended up being a very toxic relationship (he was) and his mother started getting involved in our arguments. It was terrible. He had never answered the door for a delivery... he didn't go to shops, he did not make his own doctors appointments... he was just like a teenage boy. He was very emotionally immature. Don't get involved with someone who lives with their mum and dad at a late age it is a massive red flag. People normally want to leave from teenage to twenties years and it shows there is something wrong when they don't

TwinklySquid · 09/09/2025 17:58

The only time I’d consider someone who lived at home would be someone who has lived alone in the past ( like uni). I used to think even a past of living with a partner would be okay but no. They tend to let their partner do a lot of house stuff

DiscoBob · 09/09/2025 18:04

Yeah, late 30s is a bit much. It also indicates he's never lived with a partner before.

If he was divorced and moved back very temporarily while family home was sold, or was a bit younger and had lived elsewhere at least for a few years, then it would be acceptable.

Having said that if everything else about him was absolutely amazing I could probably just about let it slide. Assuming he is genuinely 'inheriting' his family council house that is of sufficient size/quality.

atinydropofcherrysherry · 09/09/2025 18:13

Whatever the exact arrangement, he is going to take on the tenancy, buy it from the council or not, this man is not for you. He expects someone to take him and his parents as they all are ...with their many other children and who knows what oddities and problems

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 09/09/2025 18:18

If he takes the tenancy - what about all his siblings? What if one of them wants to take it over instead? Or are they all going to live together after the parents die?

Of course he's nice, OP, you've only just met him and he's on his absolute best behaviour. But I would be deeply suspicious of a man of his age who has never moved out and doesn't have concrete plans (as opposed to some strange ideas) of getting somewhere of his own. Doesn't have to own it, but surely someone in their late 30's could rent somewhere and be independent?

TorroFerney · 09/09/2025 18:31

tokyy · 08/09/2025 17:32

I thought this too. Like how is it even worth it at this stage? He spoke about the need to prioritise his parents first and making sure they’re set up before taking care of himself. His plan makes little sense to me

Show quote history

Set up? How is he setting them up? So he's either a bullshitter or he is entirely enmeshed with his parents. It's a bit shot or stabbed.

Sidebeforeself · 09/09/2025 18:35

I know this probably makes me do d really shallow but I always think that blokes in these circumstances are unlikely to be very good in bed!

Booboobagins · 09/09/2025 18:35

The most gorgeous man I ever met lived at home. He was a high ranking police officer. He said it was for convenience and I believed him. I was only young so not relationship or anything, but the point is sone people stay at home for many reasons. It sounds like this guys parents can't buy their house so he needs to be at home so he can. I dont condone buying social housing, but id that's why he's at home its as valid a reason as any because financially its probably a good move.

Nannyfannybanny · 09/09/2025 18:36

I thought Angela Rayner stopped the right to buy as council tenants..I have a friend who's 40 year old son still lives at home. He is a mummies boy, she calls him "my young boy". Makes his packed lunch,does his washing, ironing,cooks his meals. Weirdly,he doesn't have any problems getting women. I said to DH yesterday that would put me off.

Lizziespring · 09/09/2025 18:43

Thousands of competent working adults in their thirties live with their parents in London, especially in the central boroughs where rent is ludicrous and buying impossible on an average skilled professional wage. It's far more sensible than paying most of a salary for a room in a flat share or a studio flat crammed in a converted dump. Not just singles; I know several couples in their late thirties who have returned to parents homes, including one family with two children aged 6 and 15. It's normal in other countries, not sure why it's sneered at here.

TheAmusedQuail · 09/09/2025 18:45

Very very off putting. He's a man child. I bet his mum still cooks, cleans and does his laundry for him. And if you stay with him, he'll expect you to take over her job.

Chewbecca · 09/09/2025 18:58

It's definitely not ideal but living in London is expensive! At least he is able to get on with his parents 🤣
Does he have decent, stable employment?

Silverbirchleaf · 09/09/2025 18:59

TheAmusedQuail · 09/09/2025 18:45

Very very off putting. He's a man child. I bet his mum still cooks, cleans and does his laundry for him. And if you stay with him, he'll expect you to take over her job.

So true.

hattie43 · 09/09/2025 19:02

Yes it would bother me

Jollyhockeystickss · 09/09/2025 19:05

Its not his house he cant buy it im assuming its in his dads name only his dad can buy it..hes a mummys boy with no plans to leave home and if he meets someone he will expect her to support him and be his new mummy and id guess real mummy doesnt want to let him go

Jollyhockeystickss · 09/09/2025 19:09

tokyy · 08/09/2025 17:32

I thought this too. Like how is it even worth it at this stage? He spoke about the need to prioritise his parents first and making sure they’re set up before taking care of himself. His plan makes little sense to me

Show quote history

The reality is the house isnt in his name so he cant buy it also if his parents both died tomorrow the council would give him a month to find somewhere to live before they evicted him as its not his home its his parents..his parents can.buy it and leave it to him but i dont even think you can do that anymore

Shelfdrived · 09/09/2025 19:29

Total devil's advocate....the London thing might make things different? London housing is a world unto itself.

I remember moving there as a "young professional" couple and being absolutely financially and practically shafted by living in a Normal One Bedroom Rented Flat.

If there'd been a free shed somewhere in a parents house I'd have taken it!

Its even worse now. I imagine lots of mainstream workers can only live in houseshares or "odd" arrangements.

Is he hinting he's planning this as a long term investment decision? Is he saving money he'd otherwise spend on rent?

BlueFlowers5 · 09/09/2025 19:54

But if he buys the parents house, they will be living in it, with him paying for it?

Will he, probably not, be able to then buy a house with a partner? Or just move in to have a roof over his head?

Throw him back.

aCatCalledFawkes · 09/09/2025 19:56

It would bother me but I do know women in their 30's who are living at their parents house due to the cost of moving out (I'm in the south east). I think for me it would depend if he does a proportion of the washing/cooking/cleaning or if he's waited on hand and foot by his parents.

Buying a council house in London isn't the worst idea. Especially if he gets a large discount for it. My first cousins in London were only able to buy when there parents gave them huge deposits.

TBH though it sounds like you are already quite put off.