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Original poster

Husband is unrecognisable

403 replies

phlebasconsidered · 02/09/2025 19:26

My DH and I have always been different politically. We've managed it- it's fine to have different views. I'm left, he's Tory.

Or, he was. We have two nearly grown kids, 17 and 18. He's recently been spending more time in the back room watching stuff that i've pointed out is insane. You tube, Brit news or whatever that bilge is, I don't know where it came from. He's justifying his views by citing sexual assaults on white girls. He's basically transmogrified into a fucking idiot and I can't believe it.

We used to differ on economics, sure, but now suddenly he's a 53 year old fascist? I can't talk to him. His arguments turn me around. He's been radicalised- I recognise it from experiences in my profession. He says he's going to the march on Saturday. I've told him i'll go on the opposing one.

There's no way forward as far as I can see. As far as I knew he was still a loving family man but now I just see a big arsehole. He just circles around the phrases when I tried to talk to him.

I would just stand my ground and argue back- he's been a good husband and father till now, hitting mid 50s. But i'm in a job where if he goes and protests on Saturday and gets arrested, I will be compromised, asI work with children.

I need to distance myself. I'd really like to know i'm not alone I was hoping it was a bit of a mid life crisis, but I think he's just become a toral cock.

Wtaf am I meant to do. I'd rather he ran off with a younger woman tbh. I feel ashamed of him!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Morningsleepin · 02/09/2025 23:07

TottenhamCake · 02/09/2025 21:43

This is an absolute load of nonsense, and makes you sound incredibly pompous, sorry.
I am degree educated to masters level and work as a chartered professional, I am very critical of immigration and would probably be considered a “fascist” by folks like you….

you have to stop treating people who have opposing views to you as uneducated, lacking critical thinking and logic. This high and mighty attitude is doing the left no favours.

Show quote history

Interesting. None of the people who have insulted the OP for not being against "illegal" immigrants, has made an argument about what the government is supposed to do with them?

Sunbeam01 · 02/09/2025 23:08

What did you think of Tommy Robinson's documentary on Panorama?

I have to say I was pretty shocked.

Scentedjasmin · 02/09/2025 23:09

"He cannot critically assess politics if he isn't reading views widely and only meeting people who have the same views."

Talk about 'pot' and 'kettle'! Have you tried listening to his and others views in immigration? I suspect not, or at least not genuinely.

Fluffyblackcat7 · 02/09/2025 23:10

wizzywig · 02/09/2025 20:40

Do you know if he is financially supporting them through donations?

Do tell.

thestudio · 02/09/2025 23:10

WellThisIsFranklyDreadful · 02/09/2025 22:40

Given that over 95% of girls who are sexually abused are assaulted by their own male family members, and 90% of rapes are carried out by someone known to the victim, of which over 45% are a partner or ex-partner, and of the data held, which is about 75% of prosecutions, 69% of the perpetrators are white British, or the fact that in the many arrests at the anti-migrant riots and protests so far, 40% of those arrested were found to have convictions for domestic abuse, how exactly does this do anything for the futures of daughters in the UK?

Show quote history

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

These men only care about girls to the degree that they don't want some other foreign men stealing British goods.

summershere99 · 02/09/2025 23:12

It’s a worrying time in the UK, just reading the tone of some of these posts makes me really worry about where we’re headed as a country.

It does sound like your DH is looking for a group / something to blame for life maybe not going quite as well as expected. Or maybe he feels disconnected in other ways and is seeking connection somehow? I wonder if the more you / or others push back the more he digs down?

But if your political views encourage you to blame / hate / believe terrible things about other people (people who you’ve never met and know little about) and if it encourages you to lump all asylum seekers into one homogenous group out to attack women then you really have a problem and your views are not based in reality. But people don’t want facts or reality, they want someone to blame. Preferably people who have brown skin and are not from Europe.

Ibet · 02/09/2025 23:12

Leave him @phlebasconsidered . He sounds intolerable to you and you don’t respect his intellect or political viewpoints. Your kids are nearly grown and you have your own career, so it’s not as if you are tied to him financially or have small children to consider. There’s no amount of therapy that will bridge this sort of void, and he sounds too thick (by your account) to come round to your way of thinking. If his actions might damage your career, you have to walk before that happens and it’s too late.

Pistachiocake · 02/09/2025 23:15

phlebasconsidered · 02/09/2025 20:04

Thanks for support. I'm not dismissing him as dim- he's run a budiness for years ans was always good intelligent company. My whole point is that he's now not- he's sat in the back room on youtube. Because I questioned the march going because of my profession tonight ( I agree with peaceful protest), he's shut the door and got the blankets out, obviously sleeping there tonight.

It's weird, and it feels really sad and a bit angry. I just don't recognise him as the man I married.

Don't you think part of the problem is the internet (says me, on the internet). But seriously, 30 years ago, he'd have read the Times, you'd have read the Guardian-done for the day. Now there's how many millions times that amount of fresh content pumped out, wit the comments, the echo chambers-and so extreme! No one really seems centre/relaxed about differing views. While the newspapers/Channel 1-5 might have seemed biased to some, there were limits on what they could publish, and people working for them had presumably got degrees/training. Now ANYONE, with no education/training can upload anything. It worries me that some people try to wind up decent people.

Beerpink · 02/09/2025 23:16

Ibet · 02/09/2025 23:12

Leave him @phlebasconsidered . He sounds intolerable to you and you don’t respect his intellect or political viewpoints. Your kids are nearly grown and you have your own career, so it’s not as if you are tied to him financially or have small children to consider. There’s no amount of therapy that will bridge this sort of void, and he sounds too thick (by your account) to come round to your way of thinking. If his actions might damage your career, you have to walk before that happens and it’s too late.

This!

tillyandmilly · 02/09/2025 23:17

Divorce - no going back

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 23:18

KitTea3 · 02/09/2025 21:03

I sympathise seems to be affecting more people than I realised

Someone recently commented on the fact a massive group had taken over and a load of England flags been put up.....I said something along the lines of "yeah nobody needs that shit happening" and her response was "well you can't blame them for wanting to protect women and children..." 🤦🏼‍♀️

Had to seriously bite my tongue instead of pointing out just how many of these "patriots " have criminal records for assault, domestic violence and sexual offences... 🙄🤨 But yes....all about protecting women..and children.

We can't do anything about arseholes already living here. But we can stop importing more arseholes. Thsts the difference. People have to start asking themselves why seeming educated intelligent people are moving to the far right. Maybe they're seeing something that the left are too blinkered to see. I see the new party that the idiot Corbyn is trying to throw together more of danger to the UK. He's supposedly intelligent but had his arse handed to him when he tried to lead a party into Government last time, yet seems to think its a good idea to try again...

Loubylie · 02/09/2025 23:19

Some men's brains shrink when they age. They literally become small-minded. Happened to my ex. You'll probably have to leave him ... because an shrunken male brain plus a youtube addiction is a perfect storm.

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7976349/

BeardofHagrid · 02/09/2025 23:22

You need to get your flags in a row, bab. Gaza and Ukraine one side, Union flags the other.

Pinepeak2434 · 02/09/2025 23:23

Perfect28 · 02/09/2025 20:55

Men are being radicalised online. Deliberately. Read this Prominent UK women tell rightwingers: stop linking immigration to sexual abuse | Immigration and asylum | The Guardian https://share.google/ch8ae1i0TMa8iilAv

Just seeing the women in the photos is enough to make me skip reading this.

Butchyrestingface · 02/09/2025 23:25

Last I heard Tommy Robinson was on the lam in France after (allegedly) KO'ing somebody on the London Underground.

Did that all blow over then?

Sunbeam01 · 02/09/2025 23:26

I have to say the hypocrisy on this thread is astounding.

It doesn't sound like the OP has attempted to 'think critically' herself and look into DH claims, despite describing her DH as a good husband and father for over 20 years, as well as running a business and being good intellectual company.

Rather just dismiss his views immediately without second thought and accept the left rhetoric.

Hoardasauruskaren · 02/09/2025 23:27

My DM is very similar to this. She was a Labour voter until less than 10 years ago. Voted Remain, is a Church going Christian who had compassion for the plight of poverty stricken people in the developing world, gave regular charity donations etc.
Since the pandemic she has done a complete 360 in her beliefs! Donald Trump & Nigel Farage seem to have replaced Jesus Christ in her life. She is obsessed with GB news who she will argue are the truth tellers while BBC, ITV etc are all liars. She tells me GB news always have someone on representing both sides of an argument.
She is getting more & more racist & bitter. She has suddenly become very anti abortion too & agrees with the bans in some US states. My siblings and I hate it & challenge her but she will not listen to any of our arguments. At the moment we are trying to tell her to watch the news & youtube less, not to worry about things that don’t affect her life or that she can’t do anything about as she is just getting angry & stressed. I try to stay away from politics/ immigration etc and chat about family but she is barely interested in grandchildren etc. It makes me so sad & you have my sympathy OP.

Allisnotlost1 · 02/09/2025 23:28

Butchyrestingface · 02/09/2025 23:25

Last I heard Tommy Robinson was on the lam in France after (allegedly) KO'ing somebody on the London Underground.

Did that all blow over then?

He came back, was arrested and bailed www.itv.com/news/london/2025-08-05/tommy-robinson-released-on-bail-after-arrest-over-alleged-assault-at-st-pancras

Perfect28 · 02/09/2025 23:33

@Sunbeam01hit me up with a single claim that is rooted in actual evidence.

Pregnancyquestion · 02/09/2025 23:34

My dads been radicalised. He’s 62. No longer watches tv just watched videos on his phone and parrots it back. I’ve tried explaining algorithms and how the videos he watches are designed to suck him in but he doesn’t want to hear it. I feel like some men and women of a certain age have no protection to the misinformation spread on line. They just believe whatever they see and have no ability to see that anger creates an addiction to this content. Even my mum who has no interest in politics so isn’t at risk of radicalisation believes everything she sees. She tells me random nonsense about fake products that she’s seen and I have to google them and show her it’s a load of rubbish. I wouldn’t be surprised if she sent her savings to a Nigerian prince, neither of them want to hear it though

Springisintheairohyeah · 02/09/2025 23:34

This sounds exactly like a normally nice family member of mine who is ,
convinced that our council (who can't even seem to organise the green recycling bin situation, let alone this) are going to purchase one of the close to million pound houses for sale in their extremely desirable leafy suburban street full of Jags and Landrovers, rip out the luxury interior, and turn it into overcrowded flats to house an excessive amount of criminally minded immigrants. It's like they've gone mad. GB news has a lot to answer for.

PigletSanders · 02/09/2025 23:35

I think some people are weak minded and it predisposes them to shite like this.

BlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBlaBla · 02/09/2025 23:38

You won’t be compromised, he will be, you’re not the same person.

FluffyWabbit · 02/09/2025 23:41

Are we divorcing our spouses over politics, now?

This world has gone mad.