Husband is unrecognisable

[phlebasconsidered]

My DH and I have always been different politically. We've managed it- it's fine to have different views. I'm left, he's Tory.

Or, he was. We have two nearly grown kids, 17 and 18. He's recently been spending more time in the back room watching stuff that i've pointed out is insane. You tube, Brit news or whatever that bilge is, I don't know where it came from. He's justifying his views by citing sexual assaults on white girls. He's basically transmogrified into a fucking idiot and I can't believe it.

We used to differ on economics, sure, but now suddenly he's a 53 year old fascist? I can't talk to him. His arguments turn me around. He's been radicalised- I recognise it from experiences in my profession. He says he's going to the march on Saturday. I've told him i'll go on the opposing one.

There's no way forward as far as I can see. As far as I knew he was still a loving family man but now I just see a big arsehole. He just circles around the phrases when I tried to talk to him.

I would just stand my ground and argue back- he's been a good husband and father till now, hitting mid 50s. But i'm in a job where if he goes and protests on Saturday and gets arrested, I will be compromised, asI work with children.

I need to distance myself. I'd really like to know i'm not alone I was hoping it was a bit of a mid life crisis, but I think he's just become a toral cock.

Wtaf am I meant to do. I'd rather he ran off with a younger woman tbh. I feel ashamed of him!

Please don’t pretend to be naive. Fascism—literal fascism is back and in a big way. Hungary. The US. These are increasingly fascist states snd the voters and punters who support those policies are, in fact, fascists.

@perfect28 How would I know what the OP's DH is claiming?

You don't know what he has claimed yet you are speculating.

Do you not see the hypocrisy in that?

It's scary.

English people: invade over 90% of the world's countries over hundreds of years
Also English people: I have no sense of national identity, no one asked for multiculturalism

Not the echo chamber it was

I just think it’s brain washing. Just the same as the radicalised people who your husband would protest against. Scary really!

There was PP like this recently posting about her DH, unfortunately don’t think you are alone.

Not sure what’s happened to some people’s brains, why they are allowing themselves to go dumbly down rabbit holes.

I’ve distanced from some people, mostly they’ve been apparently too stupid to perceive racism, rather than because I think they are actually racist.

I saw one of these marches, they look like the old NF/EDL, thugs, not a group you would want to be anywhere in the vicinity of.

Good for you challenging him, but can’t see a way forward unless he puts a complete stop to it - or perhaps there is something underlying and some therapy would help him?

It would be over for me, OP. I'm very socialist/liberal. I couldn't even date an average tory right winger, let alone someone who agrees with Tommy Robinson. Politics are a deal-breaker for me. People like to say politics don't matter, but they do. Your politics say a lot about your beliefs and your values. I similarly wouldn't expect someone very right wing to want to date me. It simply wouldn't work. Our fundamental worldviews would be too different.

Also OP you will get a lot of people who agree with your husband on here. Unfortunately we're living in times of significant misinformation and misunderstanding of problems within the country. The reasons people become radicalised or develop fascist views are complex, but that doesn't mean it's your problem and that you have to put up with it in your relationship.

This must be so hard. I'm sorry you are going through this. It does sound like extremism. So hard to get through to him. I honestly think you'll have to leave him if it carries on wont you? Again just so hard for you. But I totally understand. I couldn't be with a man who was so extremely right wing. Or had any obsession that was totally at odds with my own values. I just would not be able to deal with it at all.. I've got no advice for you it sounds terrible

So the men are right? Glad to confirm that misogyny and rascism go hand in hand. Hatred is always inexhaustible

Traditionally conservative? Explain how this is somehow better?

I doubt it would be this as the far right parties are notorious for being against women’s rights.

It feels weird to see this when last night I read about the new year assaults on women in Germany in 2016.

One man described how his partner and 15-year-old daughter were surrounded by an enormous crowd outside the station and he was unable to help. "The attackers grabbed her and my partner's breasts and groped them between their legs."

I think this kind of situation is what these men are scared of.

@Pregnancyquestion i am the same age as your father, so by your term "of a certain age". I certainly can think critically about what I see on the Internet and elsewhere! And form my own views. I am however a lifelong socialist who has always been very political (have emigrated twice from countries due to my politics) so maybe that protects me somewhat against being radicalised now?! Not all 62 year olds are vulnerable to right-wing indoctrination, you know!

If my DH went to a right-wing "Tommy Robinson" march he would be finding his key didn't fit when he got home.

Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know what I would do in your situation.

But your story has eerie echoes of my Prevent training (which I had to renew yesterday, for the umpteenth time, I’m a teacher!). It had been updated from the last time I did it two years ago and said one of the biggest threats to the country currently is from the rise of extreme right wing ideology and talked about people being radicalised through the internet… the last time I did it the focus was on ISIS etc. Scary to see how quickly things can change and reading this thread just confirms it.

I have a daughter which is precisely why these fascist, misogynistic thugs scare me so much. Well, actually what scares me is the gullibility of people who are taken in by them.

Free speech and freedom of thought and freedom to protest are all democratic rights and good reasons why people wish to protect their own country and way of life.
It is true that infrustructure is not keeping up with our level of population.

Do we want infrustructure to build over more natural habitats?

Can our environments sustain such bruises to our clean air, food, water, and wildlife? (Animals, birds and small critters and plants can not protest - they just die.)

Our way of life, as we know it, is threatened by government's inability to curb concreting over fields and it's reluctance to build new schools and hospitals within the confines of the already existing built structures of our cities.

Government needs to show by example that more population will not encroach on our green space or our ease of travel and levels of safety and education. These things are vital for all who live here, regardless of their cultural heritage.

Your DH is within his rights to believe whatever politics that suit him, as are you. You both should be able to respect each others differning points of view.

Charlotte Church. 🤣

If it's all 'racist lies' then who really sexually assaulted those 1200 women on that NYE in Germany? Were the victims all far right plants?

I'm not a fan of Tommy Robinson etc but honestly I'm still shocked that nearly ten years on from the single most grievous case of industrial scale sexual assault in recent western history people are still scared to discuss it.

It's odd to compare the reaction to Sarah Everard's murder (an isolated case) to the comparative non-reaction to 1200 individual sexual assaults which were an example of the systemic group rapes common to places like Egypt raising their head for the first time in the West.

Or maybe a better example is the panic over the threat posed by transwomen. I'm willing to bet that those 1200 sexual assaults in one night outnumber all the sexual offences committed by European transwomen in the last decade. Maybe even worldwide.

It’s all got a little tense recently to put it mildly. I think it’s summer. If everyone calms down (and I do mean everyone - all sides, the gov, the police, the media, the migrants); then life will resume as normal for a short period. Hopefully by the time the sun comes out the government have made sensible steps to alleviate the issues.

Of course, I don’t see where that’s being questioned.

I just find the inconsistency of thinking displayed by so many people to be odd. For example, I've seen a fair few people suggest a curfew on men for women's safety. It was again discussed on here today in light of the newly published femicide stats that show 122 women murdered in the last year.

I don't see how you could call for a curfew on all men because 122 women were murdered in a year, but on the other hand consider it sacrilege to suggest that we might exercise caution in welcoming uncontrolled immigration of a demographic that sexually assaulted 1200 women in one night.

If you’re blaming extreme views on ‘people like OP’ then you’re admitting they’re extreme?

welcoming uncontrolled immigration

Here is your problem.

Nobody is suggesting anything along the lines of "uncontrolled immigration".

This is yet another of the baseless myths being spouted by the wilfully and/or naively ignorant who simply have a racist agenda, hence why they are largely ignored or regarded with contempt.

@phlebasconsidered Is he anti-vax as well? (and/or seed oil like my Brexity neighbour).

I've an old friend who'd gone weird too, it's hard to know what to say, so I increasingly avoid chats.

I'd be quite happy with a male curfew after dark. I also agree that the culture of current immigrants is more likely to be misogynistic. Even if I'm not allowed to think it.

Oh come on. OP is explaining him in a fairly objective way, nothing she’s said is vile or elitist.