Husband is unrecognisable

[phlebasconsidered]

My DH and I have always been different politically. We've managed it- it's fine to have different views. I'm left, he's Tory.

Or, he was. We have two nearly grown kids, 17 and 18. He's recently been spending more time in the back room watching stuff that i've pointed out is insane. You tube, Brit news or whatever that bilge is, I don't know where it came from. He's justifying his views by citing sexual assaults on white girls. He's basically transmogrified into a fucking idiot and I can't believe it.

We used to differ on economics, sure, but now suddenly he's a 53 year old fascist? I can't talk to him. His arguments turn me around. He's been radicalised- I recognise it from experiences in my profession. He says he's going to the march on Saturday. I've told him i'll go on the opposing one.

There's no way forward as far as I can see. As far as I knew he was still a loving family man but now I just see a big arsehole. He just circles around the phrases when I tried to talk to him.

I would just stand my ground and argue back- he's been a good husband and father till now, hitting mid 50s. But i'm in a job where if he goes and protests on Saturday and gets arrested, I will be compromised, asI work with children.

I need to distance myself. I'd really like to know i'm not alone I was hoping it was a bit of a mid life crisis, but I think he's just become a toral cock.

Wtaf am I meant to do. I'd rather he ran off with a younger woman tbh. I feel ashamed of him!

Broadly speaking right wing politics tend to focus on things like nationalism, patriotism, strong border control and are resistant to any change, so I’m confused as to how you don’t think they tend to hold racist views?

It's not sneering. It's fear and anger. Calling all strong opposition to the right 'sneering' is exactly the same sort of slur as calling all right-wing views 'racist'

And being concerned about immigration doesn't make you racist, but selecting only some countries and groups for anti-immigration concerns, and especially supporting violence against them, does become racist.

But what does he actually think? What are his views, feelings and arguments? Can’t you critically explore them, break them down, look for commonalities and differences? I’m sorry but I can’t find much evidence of ‘critical thinking’ in your posts.

Critical thinking skills can be innate or developed outside of university. If you’re talking about being able to reference specific research in a thesis then yes that is an academic skill, critical thinking as a whole it is not.

A coder debugging complex software or a IT system analyst troubleshooting a system uses critical thinking as much as a graduate writing a thesis. As an aside, as a tech worker you’d be shocked how many don’t have a degree and instead obtain one later on in life as an addition to an already long standing career.

Yes, but I knew if I said 'a liberal education' i would sound like a tosser.😁

Agreed, and that's why I said 'at population level'.

I really understand you. My husband has got more right wing as we have aged but my biggest worry is my son. He’s in his 20s and lives with us. He is totally swayed by Reforn. Talks of immigrants taking over our country, getting free healthcare, economic tourists. Totally anti trans, a little homophobic. Totally in awe of Trump, MAGA, thinks he is on the right path.
He is the most intelligent person too. Got into Grammar school with no tutoring and was in the top 10 results for those sitting the 11 plus in his year. He has a huge breadth of knowledge. I’m totally bewildered by it. .

Well said

Maybe he’s not a racist but believes your country has changed significantly since he married YOU.

I would take a guess your job isn’t that important that they’ll really care if your husband attends a protest unless he intends to bring weapons. 🤷‍♀️

So being patriotic makes you are racist? Are you for real?

👏Put so much better than I could.

We don't have guilt by association in UK law.

It is a wild take to say that right wing people “tend” to hold racist views. Nationalism, patriotism, strong border control - none of these things are inherently racist! Racism is about prejudice based on ethnicity.

Someone who is nationalist may very well be prejudice against people from a different country/culture and be xenophobic but that doesn’t make them racist.

And none of these statements should be applied broadly to the right anyway! Right wing traditionally meant small government, personal responsibility, holding to traditions like the monarchy and social hierarchy.

I don't think it's for political gain actually - more like geo-political gain, which is morally much harder to pin down.

I suppose he might be a “fascist “ if he’s an active Farage supporter, as there is past evidence that Farage IS an actual fascist.

@phlebasconsidered transmogrified- love it! Learned a new word today and can't wait to use it.

Really feel for you. I'm sorry I handed no experience or advice. Have you told him how it's making you feel?

This is a really good point - many people without education/critical thinking skills have intrinsic values that mean they can't be swayed by Farage.

Isn't he going on a Tommy Robinson march? The known racist, anti-Semitic, islamaphobic Tommy Robinson?

" You are the company you keep"

Well maybe he’s not such a brainwashed fool as you think. Maybe you’re the brainwashed one. I live in rural Essex. In the last ten years, my local woods have been hacked down to make way for two massive new housing estates, and a second housing estate has been built at the other end of the village. Judging by the languages spoken, I’d say the majority of people who have moved onto those new estates were born in Africa or the Middle East. Now we’ve been told the fields in the centre of the village are going to be built on as well.

I know those on the left like to think they are morally and intellectually superior, but in my experience the left is a magnet for bitter, hate-filled people and sanctimonious poseurs. Mass immigration has completely destroyed my sense of national identity. I no longer feel like I live in a nation with a shared history or shared culture. No one asked for multiculturalism. It has been imposed on us by the oh so ‘tolerant’ (haha) left.

Are you really so outraged and disgusted as you claim OP? Or is this just your way of letting everyone know how amazingly ‘progressive’ and enlightened you are? Why don’t you leave him if he’s such a brainwashed bigot? I’m sure your little left-wing friends will be ever so impressed. Or maybe grow up and accept that not everyone is prepared to go around mindlessly regurgitating left-wing views and then waiting for the applause. Some of us actually think for ourselves.

Given that over 95% of girls who are sexually abused are assaulted by their own male family members, and 90% of rapes are carried out by someone known to the victim, of which over 45% are a partner or ex-partner, and of the data held, which is about 75% of prosecutions, 69% of the perpetrators are white British, or the fact that in the many arrests at the anti-migrant riots and protests so far, 40% of those arrested were found to have convictions for domestic abuse, how exactly does this do anything for the futures of daughters in the UK?

It's weird how generally people who throw the elitist argument around tend not to notice who the paymasters of their political heroes are.

No developed societies, including socialist and communist ones, have been able to operate with out an administrative class. There are problems with this, of course - but they are nothing like the problems within a society run by populist puppets for the benefit of hugely concentrated power (the .1% paymasters of Trump and Farage for example).

Those societies quickly become kleptocracies as those puppets are paid for their hard work with resources stolen from the rest of us.

We saw this during Covid when the Tories thought no-one was looking. I wish you could think ahead to how very much worse this would be under Reform.

Reform's policies are in its leaders' and their paymasters' interests. Reform voters are those who can be persuaded that those interests align with their own, on no evidence whatsoever.

And we're back to critical thinking skills.

I'm sorry OP, no advice but if my DH decided he was going on a march with Tommy Robinson, I would divorce him.

Racism IS "social hierarchy"

Solidarity OP. I'm in the same position. My DP was always more right wing than me (I'm pretty left wing) but he's gone full on "lock up your daughters" over the immigration thing.
I blame X. It's a rabbit hole, and I'm not sure what to do. We have three sons and he occasionally comes out with some nonsense which I try to swiftly counter with facts.