Once again I'm stuck watching sport while DH sleeps-just need to vent

[Ilovepastafortea]

I know I'm not the only one. But so frustrated at DH saying he wants to watch some sport, falls asleep (we talking snoring asleep so no doubt he's asleep) & I know that as soon as I change the channel he will wake up & say that he was watching that & only closed his eyes, but was very much listening to it & following it.

This afternoon it's Women's Rugby Ireland v Spain. 😴

It's chucking it down outside otherwise I'd do some gardening. Would visit a friend, but he's asleep & would worry when he wakes & I'm not there. I've tried doing just that & leaving a note - he didn't see the note which was safety pinned to his chest.

Sport-widows support me please.

Use a post-it on the TV!

I'm sorry I was facetious about your situation. It sounds like a visit to the GP might be a good idea for your DH (realising that your memory is deteriorating is very upsetting).
There will be systems you can put in place to make things easier for both of you - labels and instructions, knowing you need to check the airfryer and slow cooker.

How is his sleep at night, does he snore? Poor sleep can cause memory issues and untreated sleep apnoa can eventually cause dementia. It is probably worth getting him seen by a GP and requesting a sleep study if any concerns. My DH has sleep apnoa but it is much better with a CPAP machine.

An ipad and headphones and watch netflix instead?

sorry op just saw your update. I was thinking about the practicalities... I agree with others he needs to see the GP, sorry you are so worried about him

I absolutely promise I don’t mean this in a negative way at all, your post is so helpful, practical and full of compassion that I thought you might want to know it’s ‘respite’ rather than ‘rest bite.’ I know it’s a super common spelling mistake these days but just mentioning it as thought you might find it useful to know. Your post was lovely.

Stick the note on the television! Can't believe you are being controlled by a sleeping snoring bloke. Just do what you want.

Sorry to read your update

Could be something else going on so get him checked asap

Turn over???

I just read your update. That changes things. Sorry he and you are going through that.

Oh I’m sorry @Ilovepastafortea had not seen the update. Apologies for flippant answer

hope you’re ok

This. On a piece of A4. Black marker. Big letters.

I would be inclined to either phone or write to the GP with your concerns, make an appointment for DH and take him in. (I have done this before for elderly relatives. The GP cannot tell you anything - they don't need to - but they can make a note of your concerns for your next visit). If DH asks why, just mumble something about Dr wanting to see you for a checkup. I have done this 3 times (different people) and there was something to deal with each time. Basically, you are cutting out the why you have come to the Dr preamble and the inevitable, oh it's not that bad, I'm fine - we shouldn't be bothering the doctor with that, argument at the appointment.

Yes, this. He's a competent adult, for heaven's sake.

@LittleBitofBread read the OP's updates, looks like he might not now be a fully competent adult but someone with dementia

If my DH falls asleep watching something on TV I change channel if it’s something I don’t want to watch like sport. If you want to go out just go out and leave a note or message him. He doesn’t get to control your every move.

Get a life, lucky you having free time on yr hands

@Trishyb10 lucky OP with a partner with potential dementia

I remember once seeing a photo of a horse tethered to a light plastic chair in a field, standing there and not moving even though the chair was something a small child could lift.

That horse is you.

Assuming reasonable not controlling person - falling asleep in front of the telly is on the list of sleep apnoea symptoms - have a look at a list and see if any of the others fit.

Again, assuming he's reasonable - have a conversation when he's awake - if you fall asleep I'm going out - will leave a note / send a text.

OP any reason why you don't watch TV programmes on your mobile phone using streaming services?

I'm sorry but I wouldn't put up with him hogging the tv like that. He's being selfish. Pull up your big girl pants and turn the channel over. And if you want to go out, then go out. Just send him a text message.

This is supposed to be on Gransnet right?
If not, turn the tv over or go to the pub.

oh dear, @Ilovepastafortea , I recognise this. My DH's (vascular) dementia became noticeable to me in much the same way. For a few years I/we coped by me leaving a daily note, in the same place in the kitchen, with times noted against activities, e.g., if I'd gone out: 11.00 - gone to XX; 12.30 - back from XX. I'd resigned myself to a life of vigilance & very little sleep.
Then he dropped dead in Tescos from a massive heart attack.
I had felt the same: for better/for worse, & was gritting my teeth for the long haul. But, in the event, I couldn't help but feel his sudden death had spared us both much pain.
Sending you much love and support.

This. Sounds like a yawn fest! You’re only a ‘sports widow’ if you choose to be!