Page 4 | Once again I'm stuck watching sport while DH sleeps-just need to vent

Ilovepastafortea · 2025-08-31T12:58:02+00:00

I know I'm not the only one. But so frustrated at DH saying he wants to watch some sport, falls asleep (we talking snoring asleep so no doubt he's asleep) & I know that as soon as I change the channel he will wake up & say that he was watching that & only closed his eyes, but was very much listening to it & following it. This afternoon it's Women's Rugby Ireland v Spain. 😴 It's chucking it down outside otherwise I'd do some gardening. Would visit a friend, but he's asleep & would worry when he wakes & I'm not there. I've tried doing just that & leaving a note - he didn't see the note which was safety pinned to his chest. Sport-widows support me please.

AhBiscuits · 31/08/2025 15:38

You're being ridiculous, do you not have phones? Tape a note to the TV, send a text and go out.

Original poster

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 15:39

We don't have a TV in the bedroom, but something I'm considering. But would mean having a spur from the ariel put in as we live in a valley & I've tried a portable ariel, but doesn't work.

OK - so as I was sticking a note on the front of the TV to say 'going to <friend's> house with bottle of wine see you later'. He miraculously woke up. So I'm on my way to said friend's house with my bottle of wine & he can carry on.

He is not controlling, was never like this until the last 2 years or so.

I am increasingly concerned that he has the start of dementia. He was previously very tech savvy. He developed a computer programme for his catering business that did everything - he knew exactly how much he had sold, wasted, staff wages, staff meals etc. An HMRC inspector spent 2 days going over his books cross referencing his manual invoices with the computer records & couldn't find anything out of order - he commented that he usually found something & was so impressed with DH's POS (Point Of Sale - for those not in the know, a system that logs stock levels & costs) system saying it was better than anything available on the market in those days, suggesting that DH should consider marketing it. These days he struggles with IT & will ask me 3 times in an hour what time is my dentist appointment, asking me to remind him what's happening today. He will also cook 2 meals forgetting that he's got a stew in the slow cooker, then prepare a Spaghetti Bolognaise as well. I also often find things festering in the air-fryer that he's prepared & forgotten about.

OP posts:

CoralOP · 31/08/2025 15:41

Your being ridiculous. My hubby always says he was just resting his eye, we all laugh at him and tell him to shut up lying!

riversflows · 31/08/2025 15:43

jolies1 · 31/08/2025 15:23

Stick an A4 sheet of paper on the TV saying you’ve gone out!

and make up a result of the game and write it on the note 😏

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2025 15:48

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 15:39

We don't have a TV in the bedroom, but something I'm considering. But would mean having a spur from the ariel put in as we live in a valley & I've tried a portable ariel, but doesn't work.

OK - so as I was sticking a note on the front of the TV to say 'going to <friend's> house with bottle of wine see you later'. He miraculously woke up. So I'm on my way to said friend's house with my bottle of wine & he can carry on.

He is not controlling, was never like this until the last 2 years or so.

I am increasingly concerned that he has the start of dementia. He was previously very tech savvy. He developed a computer programme for his catering business that did everything - he knew exactly how much he had sold, wasted, staff wages, staff meals etc. An HMRC inspector spent 2 days going over his books cross referencing his manual invoices with the computer records & couldn't find anything out of order - he commented that he usually found something & was so impressed with DH's POS (Point Of Sale - for those not in the know, a system that logs stock levels & costs) system saying it was better than anything available on the market in those days, suggesting that DH should consider marketing it. These days he struggles with IT & will ask me 3 times in an hour what time is my dentist appointment, asking me to remind him what's happening today. He will also cook 2 meals forgetting that he's got a stew in the slow cooker, then prepare a Spaghetti Bolognaise as well. I also often find things festering in the air-fryer that he's prepared & forgotten about.

That does sound worrying and is a different scenario from just falling asleep in front of the TV.

PussInBin20 · 31/08/2025 15:49

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 15:39

We don't have a TV in the bedroom, but something I'm considering. But would mean having a spur from the ariel put in as we live in a valley & I've tried a portable ariel, but doesn't work.

OK - so as I was sticking a note on the front of the TV to say 'going to <friend's> house with bottle of wine see you later'. He miraculously woke up. So I'm on my way to said friend's house with my bottle of wine & he can carry on.

He is not controlling, was never like this until the last 2 years or so.

I am increasingly concerned that he has the start of dementia. He was previously very tech savvy. He developed a computer programme for his catering business that did everything - he knew exactly how much he had sold, wasted, staff wages, staff meals etc. An HMRC inspector spent 2 days going over his books cross referencing his manual invoices with the computer records & couldn't find anything out of order - he commented that he usually found something & was so impressed with DH's POS (Point Of Sale - for those not in the know, a system that logs stock levels & costs) system saying it was better than anything available on the market in those days, suggesting that DH should consider marketing it. These days he struggles with IT & will ask me 3 times in an hour what time is my dentist appointment, asking me to remind him what's happening today. He will also cook 2 meals forgetting that he's got a stew in the slow cooker, then prepare a Spaghetti Bolognaise as well. I also often find things festering in the air-fryer that he's prepared & forgotten about.

Yes that does sound a bit concerning. Is he worried about his memory? I would suggest a trip to the GP.

HollyhockDays · 31/08/2025 15:51

Get another TV or…

Just go out. I assume he has a phone and can message or call you if he’s that worried.

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 15:51

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 15:39

We don't have a TV in the bedroom, but something I'm considering. But would mean having a spur from the ariel put in as we live in a valley & I've tried a portable ariel, but doesn't work.

OK - so as I was sticking a note on the front of the TV to say 'going to <friend's> house with bottle of wine see you later'. He miraculously woke up. So I'm on my way to said friend's house with my bottle of wine & he can carry on.

He is not controlling, was never like this until the last 2 years or so.

I am increasingly concerned that he has the start of dementia. He was previously very tech savvy. He developed a computer programme for his catering business that did everything - he knew exactly how much he had sold, wasted, staff wages, staff meals etc. An HMRC inspector spent 2 days going over his books cross referencing his manual invoices with the computer records & couldn't find anything out of order - he commented that he usually found something & was so impressed with DH's POS (Point Of Sale - for those not in the know, a system that logs stock levels & costs) system saying it was better than anything available on the market in those days, suggesting that DH should consider marketing it. These days he struggles with IT & will ask me 3 times in an hour what time is my dentist appointment, asking me to remind him what's happening today. He will also cook 2 meals forgetting that he's got a stew in the slow cooker, then prepare a Spaghetti Bolognaise as well. I also often find things festering in the air-fryer that he's prepared & forgotten about.

Wow people people really misread the signs from this post. Understandable I suppose without the extra detail.

I'm so sorry if he does have dementia. What your describing sounds really concerning and given his previously high pressure role, I would take him ASAP to get checked over. I know it can be a difficult subject to broach and get them to go, but treatments should start as early as possible to slow down progression. Whilst there are not many treatments there are some.

If he does have dementia I sincerely hope you have a large support network. Apply for any rest bite and other services early on dont wait until your at breaking point because they can be difficult to access which is the last thing you need when your on the edge.

He should also become eligible for something called Attendance allowance if he has dementia, I believe it is not means tested and this can be used to purchase restbite or a carer on a private basis. It will also help with transport costs for medical trips etc

UrbanFan · 31/08/2025 15:54

Do something else or turn over. Go out if you want to. You are not tied to him are you? Just grow up.

tripleginandtonic · 31/08/2025 15:54

saveforthat · 31/08/2025 13:59

Don't be such a wimp. Switch channels or go out and leave him a note/send him a text.

This

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 15:55

UrbanFan · 31/08/2025 15:54

Do something else or turn over. Go out if you want to. You are not tied to him are you? Just grow up.

If you read her follow on post you will see all is not as it first appears....

UrbanFan · 31/08/2025 15:57

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 15:55

If you read her follow on post you will see all is not as it first appears....

Show quote history

I read it previously. Doesn't change my comment.

Springflowersyay · 31/08/2025 15:57

Bloody hell! Just go out and see a friend!

Not allowing you to change a channel or leave the house without his express permission seems a strange way to live……

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 31/08/2025 15:58

Well, that's a bit of a drip-feed.

He clearly needs to see a doctor.

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 16:01

UrbanFan · 31/08/2025 15:57

I read it previously. Doesn't change my comment.

Show quote history

Wow well im suprised by that. Have you ever lived with someone with dementia?

Its not as easy as just getting your coat on.... even if he reacts badly to her going out she cant just pack her bags.... dementia is linked to personality changes.

Its not surprising he didnt find the note if he does infact have dementia or that he panics if he wakes up and shes just not there.

I think you should find some compassion and understanding before throwing hurtful comments around

UrbanFan · 31/08/2025 16:04

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 16:01

Wow well im suprised by that. Have you ever lived with someone with dementia?

Its not as easy as just getting your coat on.... even if he reacts badly to her going out she cant just pack her bags.... dementia is linked to personality changes.

Its not surprising he didnt find the note if he does infact have dementia or that he panics if he wakes up and shes just not there.

I think you should find some compassion and understanding before throwing hurtful comments around

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It doesn't stop her from getting up and doing something else.

Noshadelamp · 31/08/2025 16:05

You don't have to sit there in the same room as him while he sleeps, so weird that you think you have to do that. You're not a sim, waiting for him to wake up to give you life.

Go into a different room and read a book or do some baking, knitting, watch a film on your phone.

Edited as read the update .

chunkybear · 31/08/2025 16:05

OrsolaRosso · 31/08/2025 14:00

Get another TV?

Absolutely!

Cucy · 31/08/2025 16:06

I would have given him a shake and say you’re going out.

I have Netflix.
So I use my laptop and a laptop table to watch shows in bed. It’s heaven!

Or I’ll do things like read a book, listen to an audiobook whilst doing a puzzle, go for a walk, browse dream holidays etc.
I couldn’t sit watching a programme I don’t like.

lotsofpatience · 31/08/2025 16:08

TVs are fucking cheap these days OP.

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 16:08

UrbanFan · 31/08/2025 16:04

It doesn't stop her from getting up and doing something else.

Show quote history

Like what? You have no clue what's available to her. I do think she should be firmer and turn over but then I have no clue what sort of reaction she will get from it. Is it just a moan or is it anger.

When a person gets dementia they can no longer be held accountable for anger outbursts because they litterally cannot control it. I would find it extremely hard to walk away from my previously loving husband knowing he has no control over his behaviour and he isn't choosing to do it.

So its not nearly as simple as you believe it to be...

Cucy · 31/08/2025 16:08

Even him falling asleep in front of the Tv when his sports team is playing is concerning.

I would definitely gently encourage a gp trip.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 31/08/2025 16:09

Who cares if he does say that? You know the truth and he needs to respect you too

Original poster

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 16:10

Thank you everyone & sorry for the seeming drip feed. It only occurred to me when I rang my friend to see if she was available, had a moan (once again found 2 meals festering & said I would have to get rid of them first) & she mentioned it might be an issue. Now friend has pointed it out I agree is an issue. I've just got used to being asked several times a day 'what's happening about this?' It's crept up on me.

Am off to see my friend to get quietly & gently piddled.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 16:12

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 16:08

Like what? You have no clue what's available to her. I do think she should be firmer and turn over but then I have no clue what sort of reaction she will get from it. Is it just a moan or is it anger.

When a person gets dementia they can no longer be held accountable for anger outbursts because they litterally cannot control it. I would find it extremely hard to walk away from my previously loving husband knowing he has no control over his behaviour and he isn't choosing to do it.

So its not nearly as simple as you believe it to be...

Show quote history

I'd never leave him. I love the very bones of him. We married for better & worse, sickness & health. We have 3 children & 7 grandchildren together.

OP posts: