Husband wants me to pay back half of child benefit

[Bakersdelight]

I’d like to get some impartial perspective on a situation with my husband. We receive Child Benefit for our two children. This gets paid into our joint expenses account. My husband changed jobs 5 years ago and his salary went over the earnings threshold. I’ve been telling him for the past 5 years he needs to contact HMRC and work out repayment via a tax return and then see whether to stop receiving it, or just pay it back each year. He’s finally done his tax returns (only because he realise he could claim some relief on his pension contributions). And has had to pay approx £10k back in Child Benefit. He is now saying I owe him half of this money because I have benefitted from it as it was paid into the joint expenses account.
I feel he is being unreasonable given the amount he is asking from me and the fact that I had been asking him for 5 years to sort it out. I would be interested in what others think.

I don’t think you should be paying him back at all!!

He out earns you yet you pay 50/50 for bills.
he can save you can’t.

I can’t believe he did even step up when you were on maternity.

you should be paying % wise for bills. So if from the total household income you earn 33% then that is the % on you should pay towards bills. You should also be able to save.

Also… in an environment where both parents are working, having some degree of financial independence from one another is presumably one of the desirable outcomes…?

If she claimed herself, she would get the money and it would still be the dhs responsibility to pay back through his taxes as it is him that earns the higher amount.

You should bork pay it back. If you knew he was over the limit why didn’t you put it to one side?
you should pay at least half tbh

It is a presumptive 50:50 split as a starting point. It may end up more or less based on a huge variety of factors.

what then happens is everything is assessed, assets valued including pensions and needs established. Then there is negotiation and agreement or a court imposed settlement. I have literally just gone through this process with a friend and it is very thorough and detailed. But the assumption that everything is 50:50 based on a reasonably long marriage is reasonable.

Unfortunately on MN it’s not as cut and dried as that. Many threads are absolute eye openers as to how shallow and transactional some relationships/marriages actually are.

If costs and shared savings should be shared. Sounds like he wants it both ways. Especially if you carried on as normal during mat leave - an example where you used your savings to benefit the family.

Does he use the savings for big payments like family holidays, house repairs etc? Does he do 50% with the kids? Thank god you’re married, at least you’d be covered if you split. Do you know what he has in savings, can you see it?

If it went into the joint account it should be repaid from the joint account

It used to be the case (not sure if still is this) that being in receipt of CB, even if you had to pay it back, protected the recipient’s state pension so stopping payment would not have been wise.

I went over the threshold once and had to pay 1.5K back, it was my fault so I just paid it. Wouldn't have occurred to me to ask DH to pay half as the lower earner. Our CB also goes in joint account.

Sorry I wasn't clear, I meant 'you' in the plural.

Sorry I'm bit narked, there are always threads on her bashing anyone on benefits and claims that people with disabilities are not actually disabled.

And we have someone who claimed £10K, on top of, what is the threshold? £60K in salary.

There is no fraud!
Anyone can claim child benefit
If there is a higher earner they complete a tax return to pay some or all of it back OR they can opt out of payment

I kinda agree with this in principle if all monies are shared properly but the DH has not been paying a fair proportion into the joint account for literally years and has instead stacked up funds to keep for himself at the OPs expense

The issue goes far deeper than this particular transaction and tbh without meaning to be unkind, the OP is being taken for an absolute mug already. To roll over yet again would be unbelievably wrong of her

He claimed it, he refused to sort it and he’s the high earner. I appreciate that you both benefited but you warned him. It’s down to him.

@SaltAirAndTheRust DH filled in the forms in his name as supposedly OP is unable to fill in forms. I would put money on it that he completed the forms in his name as he is controlling. If he was a supportive husband and OP does in fact struggle to complete forms he could have helped her with them to have child benefit in her name.

And for those posters saying OP should have set money aside, set up a separate bank account because she knew they shouldn’t be claiming it, do you think she has the spare cash to do that?

@Bakersdelight is he controlling in other ways? Why would you think it is normal to set up a payment plan to your DH? Do children’s expenses like childcare, clothing etc come out of the joint bank account or are they your responsibility?

You can have a claim and opt out of payment and maintain NI credits for the lower earner/sahp (only until youngest child is 12 i think).

As the higher earner applied in OPs case she will have missed out on the NI credits

You sound financially abused to me.
Contact Women's aid for advice and support.
He sounds awful.
Stop doing anything for him and for goodness sake stop having children with a man who insists you pay from savings during maternity leave.

What an arsehole.

@dementedpixie the DH was claiming child benefit when over the earnings threshold and not paying it back for 5 years

His mistake his problem

It's still not fraud or he would have been prosecuted. He has been told to pay back the overpayment which he has done. He's now trying to penalise OP for his stupidity

Your partner was able to continue working while you took maternity leave, this has a huge impact on your long term earning capacity. He is being completely unreasonable. The decision to have children should be one which does not impact women unequally, but it does, from the physical burdens of pregnancy,, the enormous impact on lifetime earnings, the mental.and physical load of parenting.

He is saving, investing in his pension and requiring you to contribute to 50% of the household expenses while earning 3 times your salary, demanding that you pay your way. Tell him that you have paid your way, by bringing your children here and taking maternity leave.

You have not benefited from his increase in salary, there is no way that you should be paying back the child benefit, 100% of it should come from his savings. He should be paying into savings and pensions.for you, at a minimum to cover the amount you have lost due to the loss of child benefit but in reality, much much more.

He would not have the life he has now, if you had not sacrificed your lifetime earnings to have his children. If you divorced, you would be entitled to a share in his pensions and a share of the family assets including his savings.

He has benefited from the tax rebate associated with the pension payments.... I am guessing that he has not had to pay back £10k (which would be roughly 5 years of child benefit for 2 children) but he has had to pay £10k less the tax refunds associated with his pension payments... do not agree to pay this before you see the full financial picture, how much he is putting into savings, how much he pays into his pensions and the exact amount he paid to HMRC.

What does he think the future looks like... you carry on earning your own salary, pensions etc, contributing 50/50, living frugally, while he sits on his piles of money? Do you share household and family tasks equally? What happens in retirement, you live on beans and toast and he cruises round the world in.luxury?

This! OP, you have been financially abused when you were on SSP and as the higher earner it was his responsibility to contribute the money.

Yes you are right - if he's been using the payments to avoid contributing what he should to the joint account then he should repay it. I can't understand parents - usually men! - who don't pay their way when it comes to the family/kids and squirrel their money away for themselves

Yeah this is absolute bullshit! If you pay anything back (doubtful) then you pay back proportional to your income so if you make 1/3 what he does then you pay 1/3 back.

I would pay back nothing though. I’m in a similar position in that my DH earns more than me and my maternity pay is shite. Fortunately he’s not a dick so we’ve agreed that we will use joint (proportional) savings and his salary to split the lost income between us and top up my wages and pension contributions. This means that I still have my own money and can contribute back to the joint pot rather than feeling like he’s giving me pocket money. If I was only getting statutory mat pay and he’s was bringing in £££ a year and expecting me to still pay half expenses then I’d be keeping the child benefit and he could sort out his own fucking tax return!

They are joint children. It is not your responsibility to take on all of the loss and expenses that come with having them. This 10k is just redistributing some of the loss from you to him. I’m sure you have lost much more than that in maternity leave.

He is treating you appallingly though. Personally I would leave a relationship like this.

This is what the CB changes have been so damaging. When it was brought it in was done so women could have their own income and feed their kids, even if their shitty abusive husband wouldn’t give them any money. Tying it into the higher earners wages means that it stops that independent income and leaves women once again trapped in financially abusive relationships.

He was the claimant and he was the higher earner on whom the onus falls to report it.
You presumably both contribute to the joint account in amounts equivalent to your income - did this include CB or not?
If not then you definitely shouldn't be helping repay the £10K. If the CB is included in the calculation then there could be a case for helping pay the overpayment back although I'd debate even this as it's through his laziness that the situation has arisen.