Husband wants me to pay back half of child benefit

[Bakersdelight]

I’d like to get some impartial perspective on a situation with my husband. We receive Child Benefit for our two children. This gets paid into our joint expenses account. My husband changed jobs 5 years ago and his salary went over the earnings threshold. I’ve been telling him for the past 5 years he needs to contact HMRC and work out repayment via a tax return and then see whether to stop receiving it, or just pay it back each year. He’s finally done his tax returns (only because he realise he could claim some relief on his pension contributions). And has had to pay approx £10k back in Child Benefit. He is now saying I owe him half of this money because I have benefitted from it as it was paid into the joint expenses account.
I feel he is being unreasonable given the amount he is asking from me and the fact that I had been asking him for 5 years to sort it out. I would be interested in what others think.

And just seen that despite the disparity in income you each contribute 50%. No way would I be helping with the overpayment and I'd also be having a frank discussion with him about exactly what he thinks a marriage is.

Out of interest OP, you share costs 50:50, but how are other things shared? Housework, organising things at home, school admin, buying essentials for the children, covering childcare on sick days etc. Has his ability to out earn you been made possible because you are picking up the load in the home? Have you had to sacrifice your earning potential due to having children? Presumably you both chose to have children and have you take maternity leave to look after them, so on a purely transactional basis, he should have covered 50% of the shortage in your salary while you were on mat leave. He says you need to pay your way, he didn’t pay his way to cover the cost of having children in the first place.

Apart from finances, how is your marriage? Is he loving, supportive and affectionate? Finances aside, do you work as a partnership, share decision making?

I have to say, I don’t understand these relationships where finances aren’t shared equally. DH and I have a mix of personal and joint accounts, but we both have the same discretionary spend regardless of earnings. I earn double what DH earns, but when we were younger he earned a lot more than me. We’ve always had the same approach.

@dementedpixie from the Government website it is fraud

He is paying his way but the point is both pay 50/50 but earns 3x more than op so he should be paying alot more than 50% more like 80% leaving op with 20% to pay, .
One good point here is op can now have this conversation with him and reset the %each should be paying, infact op should be asking him to re pay her the 30% back and bloody back date it , he been sitting nicely whilst op been paying her 50% hasn't he

As the joint acc will no longer be receiving the benefits I assume he'll increase his contribution to cover this loss? As it is his increase in earning power that has caused this loss.

Yes, maybe she could deduct this and the higher amount he should have contributed during SSP….. bet he will end up owing her money.

This is no way to live. It sounds like an (unfair) business arrangement not a marriage. All our money is treated as family money. We take a bit out each to spend independently on what we choose.

If she had called the tax office, they would have said “who are you?”

The CB was claimed in the husband’s name and was treated as his income, together with his wages. That’s why when he did his income tax return, the income debt then crystallised. It was not possible for them to calculate the debt until the tax return had been filed.
The OP repeatedly asked him to do so.

I'm bemused that he had £10k to pay the bill and now expects you to top his savings back up.

If we get our tax returns in early enough, DH pays anything due through his salary and has a slightly reduced salary for the year. If not, we use a savings pot.

@sittingonabeach it wouldnt be OP that would be prosecuted as she didnt have the claim. The claim was in her husband's name so she couldn't have cancelled it.

He did do something about it...eventually. Still not anything to do with OP as she isn't the higher earner

Totally he will, I do hope op puts this to him not ask him of course but more like, so moving forward jim, this is how we work as the mug you took me for has moved out 😄

I would point out to him how unfair he is being with funding your joint expenses, including the kids. He earns three times what you do but you pay 50/50! That gives him far more saving and spending power than you

i would expect hi to pay 75 and you 25 and that’s what I would be telling him, then you get the chance to save

i would also point out you funded may leave and tell him you want 50% of that take that money of what he says you owe him

he had the choice 5 years ago to sort it, he could have applied for the benefit in your name but didn’t, he reaps what he sows

@dementedpixie at no point have I said it was the OP’s liability. I was just confirming it could be treated as fraud (by DH) and he could have been prosecuted. I assume HMRC only go down that route if huge amounts involved or people don’t pay it back immediately when overpayment discovered

Yes, he should have dealt with reporting it.

But the money kept coming and you both spent it.

Pay it back from the joint account, at whatever pro rata you pay into the joint account.

If he claimed it & it was his tax return, I don't see why you're responsible.

prosecution yes, it's government money so they can, they also set the monthly payment amount and term of payments of course in this case he has paid in full , and now has a dint in his saving and wanting or expecting op to fill it,

It is actually quite sensible to have a pot of own money. What if there was a domestic violence situation and the wife (or husband) needed to leave.

we have my money, his money and joint account for bills.

Not aggressive, just really questioning how you could downplay this, really. You just said "Oh, we had this" like it was a completely normal situation to find yourself in, but frankly it isn't.

@Sarah2368 everyone should have their own savings pot, in an equal marriage that would normally be based on equal personal spends. But come divorce those pots would be treated as marital assets.

You need to contribute to paying it back. You both spent it.

That is not a usual situation. Clearly if you are saving to get away then that is very different to a functioning marriage where you should be operating as a team.

the fact remains that many posters on MN on these threads have a wrong belief that they own things singularly if they are married if it is in their name where that is absolutely not the case.

@SatsumaDog do you not think the OP has in effect paid it back as she has to pay bills 50/50 even though her income is substantially lower than DH’s and had to fund her own maternity leaves

It's actually better to keep claiming if your on the lower wage as a couple and pay it back each year as it goes towards ni contributions.

I kept ours for this reason and dh paid it back each tax yr.

Wow!! Really when he had 5 years to sort this out, and earns 3x more than op, and both pay 50/50 into home/ children, op topped up her mat leave with own saving, honestly foe the life of me, why should she,
If dickhead sorted this out 5 years ago he wouldn't be in this situation, oh but now op can pay her share, no way when she's already been paying 50% , he owes op am afraid,

@HeBeaverandSheBeaver or you can claim entitlement to it but not actually receive the money (to save the faff of paying it back through tax return) to ensure you maintain your NI position for state pension until youngest child is 12