Husband wants me to pay back half of child benefit

[Bakersdelight]

I’d like to get some impartial perspective on a situation with my husband. We receive Child Benefit for our two children. This gets paid into our joint expenses account. My husband changed jobs 5 years ago and his salary went over the earnings threshold. I’ve been telling him for the past 5 years he needs to contact HMRC and work out repayment via a tax return and then see whether to stop receiving it, or just pay it back each year. He’s finally done his tax returns (only because he realise he could claim some relief on his pension contributions). And has had to pay approx £10k back in Child Benefit. He is now saying I owe him half of this money because I have benefitted from it as it was paid into the joint expenses account.
I feel he is being unreasonable given the amount he is asking from me and the fact that I had been asking him for 5 years to sort it out. I would be interested in what others think.

He needs to pay it back then. This has been caused by his lack of organisation. Hopefully he'll realise this.

OP also knowingly took the money. It went into their joint account. She was fully aware they were not entitled to it.

Do you not have joint savings it can come out of?

If she had claimed it and he had spent it would you say that she should pay it back?

I never can understand threads like this. There is no ‘his money’ and ‘my money’ in a marriage. All income is household income and all expenditure is household expenditure.

You should both pay it back but pro rata to reflect your earnings so he pays 3x what you pay.

No we don’t have joint savings

He should not be claiming the child benefit - as with it comes a pension credit which you may need far more than him.

Why? Does he have the money in his own savings?

Thank you all for your thoughts on this it’s been really helpful. I will speak to him about a payment plan to pay him back. We only have a joint expenses account and do not have joint savings.

He has his own savings accounts. I don’t earn as much as him so don’t have the same saving capacity

Yep.

If you are both working, why was child benefit being claimed? When he went over the earnings threshold, it should have been cancelled.
As the child benefit was paid into a joint account, paying it back should also come from joint funds.

Why was the claim in his name if you were the lower earner?
If he was the claimant it was up to him to opt out of payment when he went over the threshold

I agree. And me and my DH have always had separate accounts! But it’s all essentially the family pot. If he’s minted - then he should pay.

You knew about this so you could have chosen not to spend it or claim it.

So you're financially being taken advantage of - costs are shared but the savings are not?

I completely agree. I know most disagree, but surely in a marriage you look at who is in the best position to pay it back. We share all our money, so we have an equal experience of being richer/poorer. I can't imagine dh being ok with being so much richer than me or vice versa. We're a team. If you were divorcing they'd try for a fair settlement that left both of you ok, so why wouldn't you do the same in a marriage? Is this a good time to revamp your financial arrangements?

Why don’t you have joint savings? What happens to his savings? What proportion do you pay bills?

I don’t think I agree OP should jointly pay it back, it’s because he was a higher earner that they weren’t eligible right? Plus he should have sorted it long ago

Wow . Of course. Op recieved the child benefit for the children and not as the father thinks . It wasn’t for op to spend .

His children he pays tax he was well warned .
Should op also give up her high paying job to look after his kids and he hides all
his savings too??

Do you have to pay it back all at once?

If he earns 3x your salary then he should pay back more in proportion. So he should pay back 7500 and you pay back 2500

Depends if you pay for things proportionally to your earnings? Are you both earning the same? All money pooled? If you earn less then you should be contributing according to your ability to pay …

Are you really ok with this? I honestly can't imagine having such inequality in a marriage. What's retirement going to look like if he has access to so much more than you? I'm sorry, but setting up a payment plan to your own husband just feels so utterly wrong to me. What would happen if you got ill and couldn't work? What if one of you won the lottery? I'd divorce dh and take half. You'd be better off.

How on earth do you reach that conclusion?

For example if HMRC taxed the DH incorrectly and he paid his salary into the joint account and then the OP spent the money in the joint account, would you still say the DH should pay it back? That’s nuts.