Husband wants me to pay back half of child benefit

[Bakersdelight]

I’d like to get some impartial perspective on a situation with my husband. We receive Child Benefit for our two children. This gets paid into our joint expenses account. My husband changed jobs 5 years ago and his salary went over the earnings threshold. I’ve been telling him for the past 5 years he needs to contact HMRC and work out repayment via a tax return and then see whether to stop receiving it, or just pay it back each year. He’s finally done his tax returns (only because he realise he could claim some relief on his pension contributions). And has had to pay approx £10k back in Child Benefit. He is now saying I owe him half of this money because I have benefitted from it as it was paid into the joint expenses account.
I feel he is being unreasonable given the amount he is asking from me and the fact that I had been asking him for 5 years to sort it out. I would be interested in what others think.

I'd say it comes from joint funds. He didn't stop the payments, but you could easily have set the money aside each month instead of spending it.

If he had a situation where he was given a tax rebate would he share that with you?

I doubt she could afford to given that he makes her pay 50% off everything on a much lower wage - she is the one entitled to the money. He can't have it both ways, he charges her 50% of bills, but she did 100% mat leave and he didnt pay her 50% of the salary she lost in doing so. You can be transactional or you can't, he is picking and choosing what he fancies paying for and leaving the op living frugally. He should be embarrassed quite frankly.

We had the same and the money came from our joint account which meant we both paid it back. Sounds reasonable to me.

He earns three times as much as OP but she has to put the same amount as him into the joint account, even when she is on maternity leave with no income. She funded her maternity leave through her savings.

The child benefit was paid into his own account, not the joint account. OP had no access to the CB. He used it to fund his contribution to the joint account. He has no right to ask OP to repay 50% of a benefit that she never had access to.

Their whole financial set up is massive financially abusive towards OP.

Having your own savings isn’t ’leading Separate lives’ though is it.

I like to have my own savings because I like to choose how to invest them, and find it a good incentive to both earn and save.

I also don’t really want to have a discussion about money if eg he’s going on a stag go, or I want to buy a coat. We have our own money, so can fund things privately.

We pay at fixed sum into a shared account each month, if it’s no longer enough to cover outgoings… we increase it to make sure it does. Works well for us.

You should have stopped the claim at your end 5 years ago.

The rest would then be on him.

You've added to this debt, only fair you shoulder some responsibility.

No, only he could do that and it went into his account.

i do in my own name too. But it belongs half to my husband - so does yours.

£10k? That’s years worth of child benefit! (£25 per child per week?) You guys shouldn’t have spent it if you knew you weren’t entitled to it.

OP wouldn't be prosecuted. Her DH would. He applied for the CB and it was paid into his account. OP never received the benefit so she owes them nothing. She doesn't owe her husband anything either.

As a sahm my dh deals with everything fibancial. A part goes to savings. Not his, ours, because we are married.

@Bakersdelight you would be better off single . Let him pay his way for HIS kids.
Half the savings and pensions and move on .

He thinks everything is his. He is asking for 10k , you birthed his kids , he claimed the money and now he wants half of you . I’d ask for more on work to repair my body and pain and trauma see what he says to that.
Ge didn’t support you during maternity either . It also seems you are paying half rather than a proportion .
He isn’t a dh or real partner .
Very unattractive to say the least .
Id this really how you want to live ?

It’s both your debt as a couple

Wow. A good incentive not to get married if you can’t even have a penny saved up that’s fully yours.

You’re both responsible. Presumably the child benefit was claimed so you could maintain NICs while on maternity etc?

This

If he earns three times as much as you, you should not be splitting expenses 50:50 - he should contribute 3x what you do. Otherwise it’s hardly a marriage partnership in which you jointly agree to bring up children. You need to get some financial advice and take control of your financial situation- you are being too passive.

No, OP wouldn't have got the NI credits as her husband applied for the CB and it was paid into his account.

This isn’t true and is a really weird myth that is commonly peddled on Mumsnet.

You don’t automatically lose half your savings when you get married - should you divorce there will of course be financial concessions made by both parties, but it’s not automatically joint.

It's not debt really though, more like a tax burden for higher earners as they lose the tax break. DH is the higher earner and wants everything separate so it is his responsibility.

The government has, deliberately or accidentally, made the CB situation difficult and confusing. Firstly, they linked together the two earners in a way that doesn't happen in most of the rest of the tax system (it does a bit in the benefits system). Then you had to guess if and when one of you would breach the limit, in a time of significant fiscal drag. Then it required the higher earner to do a tax return which they wouldn't have needed to previously if PAYE. And now the limit is £60k, changing the sums.

I should think Barbara Castle is turning in her grave, not least because some fathers' behaviour hasn't improved since the 70s!

No, because the dad claimed it.

Sounds bizarre - not sure why she’d not just claim herself.

either way, it was paid into a joint account and they’re jointly responsible

Hopefully you can see, understand and access all the accounts and statements?