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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just attacked me

426 replies

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 19:09

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

OP posts:
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5
K0OLA1D · 30/08/2025 10:35

I agree with the others op. You need to get out today.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you

ThisMellowCat · 30/08/2025 10:37

Please as soon as he goes to work, make your way to the airport and get on a plane. Leave everything there, your life is worth more.
I knew someone in the same position and she had to pretend she was coming home to have the baby, so that the baby had a uk passport as well as their own native one, she never returned after the birth, as he was also an abuser.

JoyfulLife · 30/08/2025 10:47

How awful, I am so sorry. It is very normal in such circumstances to be overwhelmed in disbelief. Please clear your head, if needed tell yourself that you will have enough time later to unpack and process.
Right now be decisive, get to safety first and foremost. Once you are safe call the police and log the incident. Insist they give you a report, sometimes they try to minimise, making him apologise remove from house for 1 night and then it becomes an incident that does not get properly logged.
with the police incident number and a copy of report apply to court for a non molestation order insisting he cannot come within 500m or so from you.
Obviously depending on your personal circumstances you need to seek legal advice if you want to stay in your home for example.
Never ever forgive or get over sometbing like that. A man who was capable of doing that is not worth a second chance, there is no possible justification EVER.
I hope you haven't married my psycho ex, this sounds so familiar.
Please take care of yourself and your baby, I hope you are both ok.
There is life after this and you can make it a good one. And keep in mind that if you live in continuous stress and anxiety your baby will suffer too, so get out, take good care of yourself and nourish your baby. Seek support, you don't have to go through this on your own. My heart is with you.

tripleginandtonic · 30/08/2025 10:48

Just leave OP. Just one bag and your passport.

JoyfulLife · 30/08/2025 10:53

OneSnug · 30/08/2025 10:20

Thankfully I am not in a country that will inform him when I leave the country.

Well your update complicates matters. So be extra careful until you get to safety. Best to not take many suitcases, someone might see you and inform him. You never know if he suspects you might leave he could ask someone to keep an eye on you when at work. Be discreet and leave quietly and then do whatever you need to do after you get to safety. And after that reflect on your situation and the lessons you can learn from it. It sounds like he was an asshole before you got pregant so assess more carefully in the future if the relationship is good to bring children into. Best of luck to you

anyolddinosaur · 30/08/2025 10:54

There are service you can use to send a suitcase ahead e.g. https://www.sendmybag.com/en-us/?campaign=346465

Your possessions can be replaced, your life cannot.

If your pregnancy is not far advanced consider if you want a child who will tie you to this man and you will always need to protect from him.

FrogFalacy · 30/08/2025 10:56

Op in this situation I’d focus on getting out of the country as fast as possible to your own family. You are incredibly vulnerable. I hope you are still safe x

Ohnobackagain · 30/08/2025 11:00

anyolddinosaur · 30/08/2025 10:54

There are service you can use to send a suitcase ahead e.g. https://www.sendmybag.com/en-us/?campaign=346465

Your possessions can be replaced, your life cannot.

If your pregnancy is not far advanced consider if you want a child who will tie you to this man and you will always need to protect from him.

This baggage service or similar @OneSnug if there’s anything precious to you - otherwise just take yourself and get away ASAP.

AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMomentInTime · 30/08/2025 11:01

IF he goes to work today, see if you can get a flight out of the country. Any flight. Then get home from there.

I'm so sorry.

BadDinner · 30/08/2025 11:11

OneSnug · 30/08/2025 10:19

I am waiting for him to go to work but doesn’t seem he is going today. I have woken up and my entire body is so sore. I really hope he leaves soon. It’s Saturday and a busy day for him at work so I assume he must go at some point? You’re all right about just taking essentials, that is what I will do. Sorry my mind is all over the place. I’m also starving but don’t want to go into the kitchen to eat something until he has left.

You were on my mind all night.

So you're currently effectively trapped in the apartment with him?

He's delaying going to work?

He's suspicious then.

Try to put on a performance of subdued normality. Not so normal that he would be suspicious, but not too obviously unhappy.

I would say go eat as normal, but I can understand completely not wanting to be even in the same room as him.

Otherwise it's looks like you are trapped until he leaves. Hopefully he'll bugger off soon. Then take one gym bag, put on your gym clothes, and stuff the back with essentials, plus cash if you can and hop it to the airport. Take the soonest flight to anywhere in Europe. You don't want to be hanging around in the airport for hours. He might realise you're there, and these days you can work out what time the next flight to England is online.

femfemlicious · 30/08/2025 11:24

I'm so sorry 😞. Are you in the middle East?. He may not travel anymore because he will know you are planning to leave. You may have to leave everything and get out when you can. He will be very dangerous now.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/08/2025 11:32

Hi @OneSnug

Don't even necessarily get a plane to UK, if there's an earlier one to Paris /Frankfurt/Belgium etc

If he's suspicious... Will he just assume you'll take a UK flight??

In which case take a flight anywhere in Europe... You can always get a short hop to UK /get a train...

If you believe AT ALL that he may be following you/having you followed...

Get someone to arrange /check flights /rail trips...

In fact the more I think of it... The more I think rail may be useful if he's not likely to think about that as an escape route...?

If this is at all likely... Get to Europe and contact the UK embassy in France /Germany.

GOOD LUCK OP!!

ALL OF US ARE WISHING YOU SAFE JOURNEY!!

Homeandfireworks · 30/08/2025 11:33

localnotail · 30/08/2025 10:23

Please, please leave the country today. Take all the important stuff and leave the rest.

When you return to the UK, go straight to the police and report him. And make sure you record your injuries.

This and report the assault and injuries in the UK. My assault was abroad with my then husband and I reported it when back in the UK I suggest get out first. Just your passport and documents that’s it. Nothing else - no hint of the fact you are leaving. Be very very careful booking a flight that he isn’t notified eg don’t pay out of the joint account, my NatWest flags up immediately any payments check your flight purchase is hidden or phone your mum and get her to pay it.

GP etc

when you are back in the UK police

you must go totally silent with him, family etc make sure all location on your phone is off totally off eg find my iPhone or life360

do it today and survive don’t leave it until tomorrow

Flamingoknees · 30/08/2025 11:44

Thoughts are with you OP - you've had excellent advice already. You must get out of that house with your documents at the very first opportunity. Can your mum book/pay for flights? I agree, a flight anywhere. That might even be safest. It's very worrying that he hasn't gone to work yet. Delete any messages. A man who can kick a pregnant woman in the stomach, is capable of anything.

LivingWithANob · 30/08/2025 11:49

Agree train could be a good option

Cucy · 30/08/2025 11:55

As others have said, he may come back or be tracking you.

He knows you may call the police or escape once he’s away and he’ll be on high alert.

If you can hide your passport somewhere he wouldn’t think to look. In a book or something.

All you need in your handbag is your charger, phone and money. If he catches you leaving then you can say you’re going shop or something and nothing in your bag looks suspicious.
Then at the last second grab your passport and run.

If he catches you say you need space and keep going.
Do not let him talk to you even for 1 minute.

Do you live rurally or are there other houses around?

Cucy · 30/08/2025 11:57

I would be tempted to take your money, passport, phone and charger and then book the flight once you get to the airport.

Even if it means waiting there for hours.
You just need to get out and not be on your own with him.

He tried killing your baby and will try and kill you next.

MaryMungoMidgley · 30/08/2025 12:08

Godspeed you op in your escape from this awful awful man 🙏🏻💗

Queenofplants · 30/08/2025 12:09

If you continue with this pregnancy, you will be tied to this cunt for life and your baby will have to endure him as a father. Get to a safe place and consider your options, the pregnancy is at an incredibly early stage. Consider the best interests of a potential life.

Lacey55 · 30/08/2025 12:17

Some great advice on here OP. As others have said please go as soon as you can.

Sending you so much love x

Highlighta · 30/08/2025 12:27

Queenofplants · 30/08/2025 12:09

If you continue with this pregnancy, you will be tied to this cunt for life and your baby will have to endure him as a father. Get to a safe place and consider your options, the pregnancy is at an incredibly early stage. Consider the best interests of a potential life.

OP, as difficult as this is, I agree with this as you need to totally cut him out of your life.

He is a pig of the highest order.

Be safe. Things can always be replaced.

lifeonmars100 · 30/08/2025 12:30

Thinking of you OP and hoping to hear that you're on your way to safety x

QuirkyBeaker · 30/08/2025 12:34

There is nothing I can say that will be helpful, I just want you to know that there are hundreds of women on here cheering you on and supporting you. I hope with everything that you get out safely, please update as and when you can.

Atina321 · 30/08/2025 12:38

Hide your passport from him so he can’t take it before you leave. Somewhere outside if you can then if he locks you out you still have it.

LumpyandBumps · 30/08/2025 12:41

Sending you every positive wish.

I am so reluctant to even suggest this as the thought appals me but could you bring yourself to show remorse and apologise for angering him?

At present he seems suspicious of how you will react, and he is hanging around as he’s unsure of your plans.

If you can say or do something that in his eyes will make his actions less wrong he might be less suspicious and it could be easier to get away.

Good luck with getting away.