My husband just attacked me

[OneSnug]

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

@OneSnug op i would be getting a flight asap in this situation

Sorry to read this. Im going to say something that many will probably not agree with but as you are only 7 weeks and yes i know youve been through a lot with ivf etc. honestly i would consider ending the pregnancy. My reasoning for this is- his violence, hes living in another country and you want to leave, his country is not pro-women. Try to think ahead to when baby is here and if he wants to have access to the child- your in uk/hes in wherever, would you be happy for him to take child to his country to meet his family and potentially never return? I just think with it being early days, its something to seriously consider. Sorry if it offends anyone but personally think your setting yourself up for a difficult life

Be aware OP that in some countries the husband is automatically messaged by the authorities if his wife is at the airport without him.

You’ve had lots of excellent advice here, my love, so I’m not going to offer any more.

How are you feeling this morning? I would imagine partially numb, but maybe beginning to feel some other emotions too?

Physically too?

You explained you had locked yourself in the bedroom last night and were planning to behave “normally”. Are you feeling safe currently?

Wow. Never knew this. World gone mad.

Sending a handhold. I'm very sorry this has happened to you. Please get out safely. Stuff is just stuff.

Hope you're ok OP.

If you were my daughter then DH and me would be on the first flight over there, booking into a hotel and trying to help you to escape this vile piece of shit. We would also buy the return ticket so he wouldn't be able to trace payment etc., Do you have friends or family in the UK who could help?

It is difficult to gauge the 'anti woman' issue without knowing what country you're in though.

Op i do worry you haven't come back to this , please let us know your OK, as in your OK and he hasn't got your phone op 🙏

What country are you in?
And do you have any support in the UK back home?

Act normal around him and as soon as he goes to work tell a family member and book a flight back home.
Go straight to the airport and stay there until the flight comes.
Worst comes to worse, you get a hotel back home for a couple of days.

I wouldn’t bother going to the hospital there, I would literally prioritise getting home and away from him. You cannot risk him finding out your plans.
You can go to the hospital when you’re back home.

Be very careful though OP as he may be on to you.
He may leave work early or track your movements so you need to prioritise getting on a plane asap. Leave your belongings.

Don't feel you need to reply to us OP. Don't leave any tracks. You'd be best to delete any messages/texts/internet searches etc that give any indication of what you're planning. Change your passwords to everything.

But most importantly, just get yourself to the airport and take the quickest flight you can to a safe country.

I hope you're ok, OP.

There's loads of great advice on here, and the UK embassy or consulate are bound to have experience of helping people in your position.

I hope you manage to get out of the country asap. Getting yourself to a safe place is far more important than getting your stuff out. Stuff can be replaced.

I am so sorry , are you able to see a doctor soon ?

Hi dear

Just wanted to add to those who think best to leave the belongings - just take the essentials. You need to get to the airport or the UK embassy asap - ask your mum to book you the flight. He may pretend to go on work trip next week but in reality wait to see if you are trying to escape to test you (as he definitely suspects you may not be happy after what he did). These kind of vile men can be very cunning. Prioritise your physical safety - you are going to figure everything out once in a safe place for you and your baby and have an amazing life.

Op I hope you are safe...

If there is any chance your phone could be tracked I swich it off til you're back in Europe.

If you can check in electronically from an Internet cafe... If you think there's any chance of this.

Get yourself home /into EU.

As soon as you're in EU, call anyone friends /family who can help.

Good luck!

I thought the exact same thing

My gosh OP

As someone who has been there

The next few days are potentially the most dangerous for you

Please proceed with all caution

Could he see your phone?
Could he detect you are leaving?

Will he see bags packed?

Just wanted to say that I followed up one what one mumsnetter said about husband being automatically texted in some countries if his wife is in the airport. I asked chat GPT and this has indeed been the case in Saudi Arabia (insane). But this seems to no longer be the case, however, he may still be notified if your visa is linked to him as a sponsor.

“

• Saudi women: Before 2019, Saudi women needed a male guardian’s permission to travel abroad, and guardians would often get SMS notifications when their dependents’ passports were used at airports. Since reforms in August 2019, adult Saudi women (21+) can apply for and use their passports without needing guardian approval, and automatic notifications to male guardians were largely discontinued.
• Foreign women (including UK citizens):
• If you are a UK citizen (or any other non-Saudi foreign national) living in or visiting Saudi Arabia, these guardian rules do not apply to you. You are treated under the normal immigration and residency system.
• Your husband is not automatically notified if you travel through an airport.
• If you’re on a dependent visa (sponsored by your husband), he controls your visa status — but that only affects your ability to reside or re-enter, not the act of leaving.
• Immigration authorities might notify your sponsor (if your visa requires one) about exits/entries, but that’s an administrative matter, not a spousal notification system like the old Saudi guardian alerts.

So, to be clear: A UK citizen woman in Saudi Arabia can go through the airport without her husband being automatically notified. The only wrinkle is if her residency visa is tied to him as sponsor, in which case her exit/entry might appear in his sponsor account.

Take care x

Please embassy/ consulate nearest to you. They have seen it all before and will be able to help you.

What a pathetic excuse for a man. I hope you are now somewhere out of immediate physical danger.

Unless the OP is willing to say what passport she has, and where she is, then all advice is speculative at best.

I am waiting for him to go to work but doesn’t seem he is going today. I have woken up and my entire body is so sore. I really hope he leaves soon. It’s Saturday and a busy day for him at work so I assume he must go at some point? You’re all right about just taking essentials, that is what I will do. Sorry my mind is all over the place. I’m also starving but don’t want to go into the kitchen to eat something until he has left.

Thankfully I am not in a country that will inform him when I leave the country.

Please, please leave the country today. Take all the important stuff and leave the rest.

When you return to the UK, go straight to the police and report him. And make sure you record your injuries.

What a fucking scumbag.

OP, you've had some great advice on here, I hope the opportunity presents where you can take it and get out of there.

I'm sure you're in a lot of Mumsnetters' thoughts today, mine included. Stay strong 💪

Thinking of you OP. Please leave today. You can do it. You will be safely away from him soon.

My heart goes out to you, OP. Please keep strong and know we are all here supporting you. X