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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just attacked me

426 replies

OneSnug · 29/08/2025 19:09

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my husband just attacked me in an argument and kicked me in the stomach. Our entire relantionship has just ended. I will never look at him or be near him again. Ten years. 4 rounds of IVF. He’s always had an ugly side but never raised his hand on me until now. Apparently I was shouting and I’m not allowed to in his mind and that gave him the right to physically attack me.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
LowMaintenance101 · 30/08/2025 15:23

I am so sorry that your life has turned on a sixpence at a time when you should be happiest.
Your post made me cry, but the replies really give me hope. So much excellent advice. Practical suggestions for right now and things to consider for the future.
I hope you are staying safe and closer to escaping.

Forestwanderer · 30/08/2025 15:45

If using a credit card or bank card that is in joint names, there's the worry that he may see the transactions coming up for travel to the airport, the transaction for a flight etc.
Hopefully the op has access to her own money where he can't see what is happening.

Yesterdaytodaytomorrowagain · 30/08/2025 15:45

I don’t know you OP but by god I can’t stop thinking about you, and I’m sure many others on here are the same. Please let us know you are ok and safe x

WearyAuldWumman · 30/08/2025 16:22

Forestwanderer · 30/08/2025 15:45

If using a credit card or bank card that is in joint names, there's the worry that he may see the transactions coming up for travel to the airport, the transaction for a flight etc.
Hopefully the op has access to her own money where he can't see what is happening.

As others have suggested, calling her mum might be the best plan. Mum might be able to pay for the ticket?

SaratogaFilly · 30/08/2025 16:27

localnotail · 30/08/2025 10:23

Please, please leave the country today. Take all the important stuff and leave the rest.

When you return to the UK, go straight to the police and report him. And make sure you record your injuries.

This. Please get out as soon as you can Op & be safe. If you stay, this will only get worse. Good luck.

Thisismynewname23 · 30/08/2025 16:41

I hope you can get away quickly please try and get to safety as soon as you can, be so careful he doesn’t find and take your passport when he goes to work, I hope everything is ok with the baby

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 30/08/2025 16:47

Check he’s not put a tracker on your phone,or buy a cheap phone with. New number and leave your old one

ShuriPouri · 30/08/2025 16:55

Beeloux · 30/08/2025 08:41

Sorry for bombarding OP. I wouldn’t go to hospital (this is in the ME so again I apologise if I’m jumping ship).

If you tell them your husband has done it, they might make you do a police report (of course the police won’t actually do anything) but he will be notified. Seeing as he’s a nasty bastard he could make up any false allegation and try travel ban you during the pregnancy. Then you are fucked because as soon as the baby is born he will travel ban them.

You need to get out of the country ASAP. I mean in the next few days. Also consider that most flights to UK are probably overbooked this time of year (I used to work for an airline there). If they are then your best bet is getting any flight to Europe.

I would pretend you’ve forgiven him. Pacify him. Then as soon as he leaves for work, leg it. Have your flight already booked for when you know he will be at work. Be mindful he might have hidden cameras in the house so you do not want him seeing you leave with a load of suitcases. A rucksack with your documents is all that is needed.

Edited

This is exactly what I did with my ex. I just pretended to be nice and had forgiven him. Lucky we were not married so my son did not/does not have him on the bc. Do what you think is safe and as soon as possible.

Petrolitis · 30/08/2025 16:56

Hope you're okay OP.

Just echoing others, get out as quickly as possible and try to use payment methods etc that he can't track

HotTiredDog · 30/08/2025 16:57

Another MN user thinking of you & sending love & strength 💐🥰

TwinklySquid · 30/08/2025 17:02

I’m going to say something that may sound horrible, but I feel it should be said.

In your situation (with a husband who will be in another country and is abusive), I would not go through with this pregnancy. He will hold this child over your head for the rest of your life. He can go to court to allow the child to visit him, and if the U.K. doesn’t have an agreement with that county, he could just not return the child. You will be setting yourself up for years of stress.

As it isn’t you who has the fertility issues, you could always try again.

i know I may sound callus but I’ve read too many stories of men like this using their children to hurt their ex’s. You’ll never know a moments peace.

I wouldn’t wait until he is away next week either. Everything can be replaced. Men have killed women who they think are leaving. If you have to leave with just a passport and the clothes on your back, do it. Go when he is in work and never look back.

SaratogaFilly · 30/08/2025 17:07

Sadly you make very valid points @TwinklySquid

ns87 · 30/08/2025 17:43

I agree, just get out with the essentials, everything else can be replaced.

Maray1967 · 30/08/2025 17:44

Yes, I’m afraid those were my thoughts as well. This might be a very difficult issue for you, OP, but please think carefully about whether you want the risk of him in your DC’s life and therefore yours.

If you go ahead, you do need to report him. I would try to find out whether you could be notified if he arrives in the UK. I would be very concerned that he might try to take baby back to his home country.

GreenCandleWax · 30/08/2025 17:55

JoyfulLife · 30/08/2025 10:47

How awful, I am so sorry. It is very normal in such circumstances to be overwhelmed in disbelief. Please clear your head, if needed tell yourself that you will have enough time later to unpack and process.
Right now be decisive, get to safety first and foremost. Once you are safe call the police and log the incident. Insist they give you a report, sometimes they try to minimise, making him apologise remove from house for 1 night and then it becomes an incident that does not get properly logged.
with the police incident number and a copy of report apply to court for a non molestation order insisting he cannot come within 500m or so from you.
Obviously depending on your personal circumstances you need to seek legal advice if you want to stay in your home for example.
Never ever forgive or get over sometbing like that. A man who was capable of doing that is not worth a second chance, there is no possible justification EVER.
I hope you haven't married my psycho ex, this sounds so familiar.
Please take care of yourself and your baby, I hope you are both ok.
There is life after this and you can make it a good one. And keep in mind that if you live in continuous stress and anxiety your baby will suffer too, so get out, take good care of yourself and nourish your baby. Seek support, you don't have to go through this on your own. My heart is with you.

Before giving advice like this it was essential to read the full thread. OP is in a country where her husband is a national and she is not, and it is not a woman-friendly country where the police would likely assist. her situation is otentially dangerous so she just needs to get ouot of there fast.

muggart · 30/08/2025 18:03

TwinklySquid · 30/08/2025 17:02

I’m going to say something that may sound horrible, but I feel it should be said.

In your situation (with a husband who will be in another country and is abusive), I would not go through with this pregnancy. He will hold this child over your head for the rest of your life. He can go to court to allow the child to visit him, and if the U.K. doesn’t have an agreement with that county, he could just not return the child. You will be setting yourself up for years of stress.

As it isn’t you who has the fertility issues, you could always try again.

i know I may sound callus but I’ve read too many stories of men like this using their children to hurt their ex’s. You’ll never know a moments peace.

I wouldn’t wait until he is away next week either. Everything can be replaced. Men have killed women who they think are leaving. If you have to leave with just a passport and the clothes on your back, do it. Go when he is in work and never look back.

I suppose she could also just tell him she’s miscarried and get the same result.

cc99xo · 30/08/2025 18:10

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I hope you’re able to return home safely, I’ll be thinking of you x

Carkigreen · 30/08/2025 18:15

Op - kindly. You or your baby may not make it till next week. Once that boundary is crossed there is no going back and likelihood is he will cross it again. Statistically you are now more vulnerable and your "husband" is more prone to abusing you. You have a duty towards this unborn child to protect it. Please leave asap. Collect essentials, seek aid, friends family anyone you can. Woman's aid to see if they can assist you once you step foot back in the UK.

Please don't take this lightly. You need to act on this fear because the fear is rationally there to keep you alive.

VOWarks · 30/08/2025 18:28

Absolutely, you need to report it. If he does this to you when you are pregnant and at your most physically vulnerable, what can he do to a child. Protect yourself for the future, Protect your child. Don't put his name on the birth certificate.

hellohellooo · 30/08/2025 18:54

OP could you email a member of the consulate and ask for email contact only and ask about safe ways to get out?

Sorry not trying to bombard your thread I am just so worried this man sounds so unpredictable and unhinged

HOW DARE HE TOUCH YOU 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

BadDinner · 30/08/2025 19:00

muggart · 30/08/2025 18:03

I suppose she could also just tell him she’s miscarried and get the same result.

Show quote history

Surely he might know where her mother lives or at least could look her up and find out if there is a child or just follow her? There are some awful stories of women stalked by foreign exes who follow them.

If OP does consider telling him she miscarried but chose to still keep the child, she would have to be very careful with her social media going forward and relatives and friends sharing her and the child on their social media, Facebook, Instagram etc.

That would have to be done for a long tine

Omgblueskys · 30/08/2025 19:11

I hope op is somewhere safe, haven't stopped thinking about her today,

Katrinawaves · 30/08/2025 20:24

VOWarks · 30/08/2025 18:28

Absolutely, you need to report it. If he does this to you when you are pregnant and at your most physically vulnerable, what can he do to a child. Protect yourself for the future, Protect your child. Don't put his name on the birth certificate.

Edited

They are married so if the child is born in the UK, the father will automatically go on the birth certificate unless they are divorced by then.

THISnewbeginning · 30/08/2025 20:31

Katrinawaves · 30/08/2025 20:24

They are married so if the child is born in the UK, the father will automatically go on the birth certificate unless they are divorced by then.

Show quote history

I dont think this is true?

Nurseleaver82 · 30/08/2025 20:43

Did he go to work? Did you manage to leave? Are you ok?