Husband wants me to work full-time

[Lovelifesmile]

My husband and I have two children (aged 4 and 2). I currently work the equivalent of 3 days a week doing shift work and my husband works full-time at 5 days per week. I would like to work the equivalent of 4 days per week when my youngest child goes to school. My husband wants me to go full-time. My husbands income is £2700 per month. My income part-time 3 days per week is £2200 and if I worked 4 days per week I would earn £2900. We are comfortable financially as we are currently, and would be very comfortable with me going 4 days per week. I want to use the 'day off' per week to do the food shop, house cleaning, washing, gardening maintenance and food prep. My values are that I want to earn enough money to be comfortable, but also have time to do the housework, appointments, school admin and help with homework to free up our weekends to go out and not to household chores on the weekend. It appears my husband values money the most. If I was full time I would take home £3400 per month so it's a difference of £500 per month. I am more than happy for him to also drop to 4 days per week to spend more time with the children if he wants to, but he doesn't wish to do this.

I have just realised as well you earning more would mean he could do the iron man and therefore be out of the house even more what a CF

No, if she was working full time and wanted her husband to go full time so she can have some money for herself she wouldn’t be called selfish. Her husband would be called a cocklodger for working part time

If you work full-time, is he willing then to do 50% of the childcare and 50% of all the household chores and admin?

I suspect not so therefore I would stick to 3 or 4 days a week.

What about childcare? With children that age surely you'll lose much of the extra income on childcare?!

Do 4 days. If he wants to do iron man etc he will be doing training all weekend etc When they are in primary there is loads of admin and mental load and if you have a day off a week, you can stay on top of it, do after school clubs that day etc.
If he wants a luxury man sports fund he has to get a better job himself.

So he has picked some expensive and very time consuming hobbies he’d like to pursue. So while you spend all weekend doing the shopping laundry and cleaning he’ll be off all day running cycling or up a rock face.

So he wants you to earn more so that he can spend more time on his hobbies ?
do you know anyone who has done the Ironman ? There’s is MASSES of training for it … taking up whole days and weekends … and he wants to do this whilst you have young children!

this is really selfish behaviour on his part . You need to sit down and discuss how the division of labour is going to work … and him picking them up a couple of times of week is not about it being nice for him but him doing his bit as he is part of the family .

Which they will not, because of the nature of the hobbies he intends to pursue.

I’m not trying to sound confrontational but genuinely wondering, what possibly needs done in a house cleaning or errand wise that takes 5 evenings a week AND all weekend, unless you live in Buckingham palace? I’d honestly say we spend about 15-20 mins a night doing a tidy before bed, all working together, DH does a shop one evening while DSD is at a hobby class, it takes 45 mins. He batch cooks for the week on a Sunday night listening to his football highlights after bedtime, takes him about an hour. I do a deeper clean of the (probably average sized) house on a Sunday, it takes me an hour or so if we’ve kept on top of things with nightly tidies during the week. I will never understand how Mumsnet people are losing several hours per evening plus two full days to this stuff.

A hobby?!? Do you know what an iron man is @Pregnancyquestion?!?
it’s a (loosely) 4km swim, 180km cycle, 42km run.
it would require about 20 hours training a week.

im not sure how you think a mum and dad of 2 young kids could both work full time and both have time for a 20 hour a week hobby.

what the husband is asking is the op to bring in more money than him AND do all the unpaid work to facilitate his hobby.

Ultimately, any hobby that takes up more than a few hours during the week and at weekends is an unsuitable hobby for a parent with young children. To expect to do something like this and for you to fund it is doubly unreasonable.

So you both have a good work/life balance then? Hybrid working, decent money. A system for juggling children. Which all seems fair enough...

But he wants you to adjust your role to bring in even more money, so he can do an iron-man? While he continues to not push himself too much at work.

Fuck right off.

He's crazy. Your extra money would get eaten up immediately with childcare cover, and maybe paying someone to do the cleaning etc - all the jobs you have no time and energy to do f both parents work full time.Your children are very young. Wait until they are older. If he wants extra money for Iron Man he can do what everyone else does and sell stuff on Vinted or take on extra work. He does understand if you work longer hours, his chance of training will decrease? Someone has to look after the children.

You've made up up the bit about him wanting OP to go full time so he can have some money for himself, though.

OP says they're currently comfortable, and that he wants to use the extra money on holidays and Iron Mans. Nothing in that suggests he doesn't already have some money for himself. You might, I suppose, argue that there's not enough information to say one way or the other, but that means no filling in the blanks like you have here.

So he wants you to fund his hobbies? Rather than spending his time berating and pressuring you maybe he should focus on upskilling so he can earn more. Absolute cheek of the man. You’ve gone through two pregnancies and birthed two children in the last 5 years, you already make more money pro rata than he does, and let me guess, you do the lion’s share of the domestic labour anc childcare? And he wants to put more on your plate so he can do Ironman? What on earth has happened to men?

This! If he’s putting pressure on you as he wants more money, the obvious solution is for him to earn more. It’s more tax efficient if your earnings are broadly equalised rather than you earning more. Plus it sounds like you are using your day off to do household work to benefit the family.

Hes really lucky to have a wife who earns enough to make more than his full-time equivalent wage in 4 days and to use the extra time to pick up extra household work. He needs to try and step up a bit

@adviceneeded1990are you saying that you have young children full time and you are doing all the housework/cooking/cleaning/gardening/errands/life admin in 20 mins a day plus 2 hours on a weekend? I’d say that’s highly unusual. I spend longer than 20 mins a day on the cooking for a family alone!

This, 100%.

This ☝️ op,
Think about the after school activities too, my little one had dance after school, so pick up 3.15, dance 4pm till 6, dinner 6.30, yes with brother who had no say but to be dragged along, layer on that same year, daughter dance twice aweek son football training twice a week different days to each other, so it gets really busy op, when you fill time your cleaning window/ washing becomes after their bedtime just before you bedtime because you're bloody knackered op, wake up the day day and start again
That was my Monday to Friday, weekends became, football matches, dance competitions, swimming lessons, it's never ending op, my home felt like a bus stop op really just picking up dropping off more washing bit of cooking our again, it's all about the kids am afraid op, my hobbies went out the window there's no time your too knackered op,

Some people think when the kids start school then that is the magic solution to going back to work full time. The reality is they are only in school between 830/3ish so it is not all day. There are a lot of school holidays to cover. Also a lot of extra things to think about and plan when they are at school. There is no way I could cope with a full time job on top and I take my hat off to those that do it.

Its obvious your DH does not consider work in the home as real work. Does he imagine that the elves and fairies do the shopping. cleaning, washing and so on? Or does he think about it at all? Probably not. As many other posters upthread have pointed out if you are going to be out at work more hours then he is going to have to pick up more of the household tasks. Does not sound like a team player.

When the kids are 2 and 4 it’s a lot harder to work full time plus take on the bulk of the housework especially if doing shift work too. Small children are messier and demand more parenting. You need to do the bath, story, bed time routine with them as well.
I had to take my kids to a lot of after school activities and appointments as well.

THIS !!!

Your husband should get a better paid job so he can have the lifestyle he thinks he deserves. @Lovelifesmile

I suggest you start sending him 80k plus jobs that he can apply for if he wants nice holidays.

I would also send him a rightmove link to a 1 or 2 bed flat so he can see how far his salary stretches as a single man.

Cheeky fecker.

Is he going to do half of the childcare, shopping, housekeeping and so on then?

I doubt that very much somehow.

You will just end up working full time AND doing most of the childcare and everything else.

You are already bringing money in and if he wants more money he can try to get a promotion, a better paid job or additional hours.

Nobody needs 'lavish holidays' or to go rock climbing....

Frankly this would really put me off a partner. He sounds selfish and immature.