Husband wants me to work full-time

[Lovelifesmile]

My husband and I have two children (aged 4 and 2). I currently work the equivalent of 3 days a week doing shift work and my husband works full-time at 5 days per week. I would like to work the equivalent of 4 days per week when my youngest child goes to school. My husband wants me to go full-time. My husbands income is £2700 per month. My income part-time 3 days per week is £2200 and if I worked 4 days per week I would earn £2900. We are comfortable financially as we are currently, and would be very comfortable with me going 4 days per week. I want to use the 'day off' per week to do the food shop, house cleaning, washing, gardening maintenance and food prep. My values are that I want to earn enough money to be comfortable, but also have time to do the housework, appointments, school admin and help with homework to free up our weekends to go out and not to household chores on the weekend. It appears my husband values money the most. If I was full time I would take home £3400 per month so it's a difference of £500 per month. I am more than happy for him to also drop to 4 days per week to spend more time with the children if he wants to, but he doesn't wish to do this.

You say you wouldn't want to have less money as a pensioner for the sake of chore free weekends now. I see it as spending time with your young children. The childhood years fly by and imo that time is precious and important.

Absolutely. Why should the children suffer so daddy can do iron man. 🙄

The dhs hobby plans will burn all the extra money from the op doing an extra day and more. Gyms and equipment, plus travel as ironmen are never just in the next town. They’d be poorer; rhe op effectively a single mum fitting the housework into her weekends instead of seeing her kids who she also doesn’t see now any weekdays as she works full time. Essentially he’s asked her to make her life shit, his own children get no dad time and a fraction of the mum time they do now, to be stressed burnt out and also poorer, for his hobby. What a selfish fucking waster.

This!
I wish OP would get back to us. Although our posts are a bit overwhelming. @Lovelifesmile

What do you get from it? Yes more money for him to do more but what about you? Seems a very one sided arrangement

So you going full-time will facilitate him getting to enjoy more of his interests/hobbies? Where does your down time fit in exactly? Is he going to take 50% of household chores on so you can do this?
Personally in your position I would not work full-time. Your little ones need you and you need time to yourself as well. Don't try and do everything or you might find you suffer burnout. Life is too short. Work to live, not live to work.

If I were you I’d actually stick to 3 days .
Considering you will be left with all household chores , laundry , admin etc

this

I would much prefer 4 days, life isn't just about work. Happier you = happier home life balance.

My exH wanted me to go back to work FT after our DDs were born. 18 months apart. He was medically rehired so didn’t need to work … he also wanted me to hire a nanny. I obviously would have needed to manage their employment and all the mental load of running the house. I decided to be a SAHM until DDs started school … and also began divorce proceedings.

OMG you have named the hobby!

I think I know who he is!

(Just joking)

Agree. He's being an arse

he needs to fund his hobbies himself.

and I say this as someone who does IronMans!

You earn more than him, so makes sense that you should work full time… otherwise (to quote the MN man-haters when the sexes are reversed), you are scrounging off him.

But… that has to be on the basis of a fair sharing of household chores and childcare. If not, then forget it.

Also, in any case when both your children are at school in 2-3 years time you should definitely be working full time then, rather than expecting him to work full time and you not.

Is he prepared to go 50/50 with household stuff and childcare if you go full time?

@Lovelifesmile READ THISlook at his priorities vs yours.

you will never get this time back when they are little.

your set up sounds perfect

if he needs more money he can up his salary. Your job is better paid than his.

I'd work full time.

But I'm in the minority of mothers in my circle that works full time.

Show him what 5 days work looks like... no food in house. No meal prep. Knackered grumpy wife .. no sex, no clean laundry. No clean house. Etc

Show him what 5 days work looks like... no food in house. No meal prep. Knackered grumpy wife .. no sex, no clean laundry. No clean house. Etc

There are plenty of couples where both partners work full time and manage to have food in the house and prep meals and clean and do laundry and be happy and enjoy their relationship etc.

So he wants you to work more hours to fund his hobbies. That would be a hard no for me! What do you gain from it because it's likely you'll be stuck doing all what you do now, yet working more, and see him less when he is our doing his hobbies! What about hobbies and things you want to do? I bet there would be an excuse from him why it wouldn't be possible.

Fundamentally looking through the thread, no one has considered the impact on the children.
Who takes responsibility for them when they are sick?

I didn’t work full time again until we sat down with the kids and asked them how they felt about after school club and going to granny’s because mum and dad were at work. They were 9 and 11 by then because before that they had been going to a child minder on three days at work after school. Unfortunately my job didn’t entail that opportunity for working from home, neither did my husband who worked incredibly long hours sometimes as a hotel chef (Christmas, Burns night and all those partying events). I can say our parenting was very much a team effort from the beginning to the point that if either of us were covering for the other the children didn’t trust our expertise (my cooking, him getting them ready for their after school activities or school).

I see now my son and DIL have the exact same team work, although she works from home, 4 days and my son also works at his job 4 days (albeit 12 hour shifts).

I would be putting my foot down in your situation. Your DH is a father to two young children which should be his priority, not rock climbing or other dangerous and expensive sports. These activities can wait a while.
Meanwhile, if the aim for you is to work more hours, ensure it's on your terms and he does more around the home and with the children.
The financial aims should be about the whole family, not just revolve around your DH.

Tell him there's no way you are working full time to enable him to do Iron Man challenges. 4 days is adequately enough when you have small children

I temporarily did 5 days for a year and a half when I changed roles and found it relentless.
You sound like you know yourself and what you want from life so go with that.
My kids are both in primary now and Mondays are special. In the holidays we might spend the day together, then during term time I mostly do drop off and pick up and we have time to chat after school and do homework. I have a few hours to myself during the school day and really relish that time to do something that's just for me :)
I don't want to go full time again unless I absolutely have to. Perhaps I'll do 0.9 if I climb to the next rung of the ladder.