Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How long do you wait after being told "I don't know what I want"

123 replies

Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 18:21

Just that really....
After a year together if someone told you after a small argument/disagreement which ended up with them shouting at you down the phone and saying "leave me alone its over and its done" then when you speak again, 4 days later they say "they don't know what I want" in reference to the relationship....how long would you give it until you decide enough is enough now and they've had long enough to think.....

For reference is been on 4 days since the I don't know what I want comment...

Posting for opinions for my fab friend as we see this very differently.

OP posts:
CelerySticker · 21/08/2025 18:27

If someone said that to me it would be over. A year is nothing.

saveforthat · 21/08/2025 18:29

Who made first contact after the "leave me alone" conversation?

Lampzade · 21/08/2025 18:29

I would end the relationship with said person

KilkennyCats · 21/08/2025 18:31

I wouldn’t wait 5 minutes.

sciaticafanatica · 21/08/2025 18:31

If someone wants to be with you then they know.
so I would leave

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/08/2025 18:32

It depends on context. What was the relationship like in that year? Have they always been hot and cold? Are they experiencing anything stressful? Is your friend clingy?

ThatAquaRobin · 21/08/2025 18:32

Truth is, it's over.
But I have every sympathy wut your friend because I'm in the same loop of denial after just 2 and a half months with someone.
The other person's silence speaks loudly.

YetanotherNC25 · 21/08/2025 18:41

After a year, you know if you want to be with someone.

This sounds like a poor attempt to put her off without taking any blame/responsibility. Some men don’t want to end it and ‘deal with all of the emotions’ (my ex confessed to this) so they find selfish and spineless ways to step back and make the other person take the decision.

This is over. Best move on now or it’ll drag out for far too long.

TwistedWonder · 21/08/2025 18:44

Zero time - after a year they don’t know what they want I’ll make their decision for them and walk away

Original poster
Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 19:56

saveforthat · 21/08/2025 18:29

Who made first contact after the "leave me alone" conversation?

He replied to her whatsapp status saying she was amazing and beautiful......him

OP posts:
Original poster
Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 19:58

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/08/2025 18:32

It depends on context. What was the relationship like in that year? Have they always been hot and cold? Are they experiencing anything stressful? Is your friend clingy?

They broke up a few months previously and have got back together. My friend has put some boundaries down regarding his lack of umph shall we say and needing more effort on his part this time around. He is having some work issues but nothing I would class as stressful or big. My friend is upset by it all however I wouldn't put her down as being clingy

OP posts:
Original poster
Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 20:00

YetanotherNC25 · 21/08/2025 18:41

After a year, you know if you want to be with someone.

This sounds like a poor attempt to put her off without taking any blame/responsibility. Some men don’t want to end it and ‘deal with all of the emotions’ (my ex confessed to this) so they find selfish and spineless ways to step back and make the other person take the decision.

This is over. Best move on now or it’ll drag out for far too long.

I agree with this totally my friend doesn't however and I think she just doesn't want to admit it and doesn't want to feel left again.

I've just told her not to bother contacting him and go her own way

OP posts:
Original poster
Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 20:01

ThatAquaRobin · 21/08/2025 18:32

Truth is, it's over.
But I have every sympathy wut your friend because I'm in the same loop of denial after just 2 and a half months with someone.
The other person's silence speaks loudly.

I'm sorry to read this op.... my friend is in turmoil over it...he hasn't messaged her since Sunday and she's literally counting the days... its awful!

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 21/08/2025 20:01

I'd be done.

Yell at me, I'm out.

2nd breakup in a year, that's just a messy relationship that needs to end.

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 20:02

If you’re already on & off only 1 year in then it’s going nowhere anyway so I’d have just blocked once I got the “its done” message and considered it useful that the rubbish has taken itself out

MiloMinderbinder925 · 21/08/2025 20:05

Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 19:58

They broke up a few months previously and have got back together. My friend has put some boundaries down regarding his lack of umph shall we say and needing more effort on his part this time around. He is having some work issues but nothing I would class as stressful or big. My friend is upset by it all however I wouldn't put her down as being clingy

Show quote history

He's not into the relationship and she needs to let go.

dudsville · 21/08/2025 20:07

I would wait no time.

Charabanc · 21/08/2025 20:08

I'm a wimp. I would have clung on, and clung on. And eventually the guy would have dumped me properly.

We can't all be "RAAAAAH I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!!"

BCBird · 21/08/2025 20:09

I would terminate the relationship

Besttobe8001 · 21/08/2025 20:10

Never make a man tell you twice that he doesn't want you

Original poster
Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 20:12

Charabanc · 21/08/2025 20:08

I'm a wimp. I would have clung on, and clung on. And eventually the guy would have dumped me properly.

We can't all be "RAAAAAH I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!!"

You sound like my friend. Also me to some degree.. but it always ends up in heartbreak like this doesn't it..

OP posts:
Philandbill · 21/08/2025 20:13

It's over isn't it? It's sad that she is clinging on, he's not that bothered by her feelings. Better to move on.

Charabanc · 21/08/2025 20:16

Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 20:12

You sound like my friend. Also me to some degree.. but it always ends up in heartbreak like this doesn't it..

Show quote history

Yes it does. But then a good one comes along!

But it's so easy for other people to say "LTB!!!" when you're not that kind of person.

Original poster
Mondaybluez · 21/08/2025 20:20

She's 10000% not that kind of person either... and it's so sad because he really is acting like he doesn't give a shit when he ended it she was due to go on holiday with her son for the first time 2 days later....relied to her whatsapp status while she was on holiday, spoke the following Sunday and he didn't ask her about her holiday, her life or anything at all during any of the conversations....

OP posts:
Original poster
Mondaybluez · 22/08/2025 08:54

She's called me breaking her heart - last night he's changed his profile picture to one that she took of him in a resturant.... still no contact though... I don't even know what to tell her at this point....

OP posts: