How long do you wait after being told "I don't know what I want"

[Mondaybluez]

Just that really....
After a year together if someone told you after a small argument/disagreement which ended up with them shouting at you down the phone and saying "leave me alone its over and its done" then when you speak again, 4 days later they say "they don't know what I want" in reference to the relationship....how long would you give it until you decide enough is enough now and they've had long enough to think.....

For reference is been on 4 days since the I don't know what I want comment...

Posting for opinions for my fab friend as we see this very differently.

I used to say that sort of thing when dumping men in my twenties when I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

Approximately the time it takes to say ‘well I do know what I want and its to be someone else’s priority, not their maybe-bye’

Your friend needs to take back the power she’s surrendered to this twat. He doesn’t want a relationship with her but will keep on the back burner for whenever his ego and appendage needs stroking. Your friend needs to find her self respect and block this guy. The balls in her court and waiting around for this guy to be something he clearly isn’t, is a choice.

Take him at his word. He said it was over and he wants to be left alone.

If you don't take him at his word for that, then when do you know what he says and means, and what he says and does NOT mean.

Take him at his word. It's over. If he didn't mean that, then HE has to come back and grovel and ask to be forgiven.

I've said this however due to his "I don't know what I want" commented she now feels on limbo as if there is hope there possibly - he left it as he will contact her When's he's figured it out basically

I'm going to say that to her.

His words and actions have never matched thought and that's the issue I think.

Why is she happy to wait in the wings until he’s decided whether he wants her or not??
Tell her to have some bloody dignity.

He’s probably changed his profile pic because he thinks it’s a good picture of him and he thinks he’s going to be back on the market soon. Nothing to do with her taking it.

She's having a hard time atm and is really down on herself

I think so too....and more recent that his previous.. probs his online dating profile pic also!

I hope she gets her head round it soon.

I would give them less than a nanosecond. My immediate reaction would be "fuck off then" and I would be done.
Tell your friend to find her self esteem.

Well it's 2 weeks today since the whole shit show and she's starting to realise he ain't ever gonna ever tell her what he wants because he doesn't want her and she's hurting but doing better!!

I'm abit like my friend myself but not to her extreme and we both wish we were like this

I didn't use to be, to be fair, but as I've got older I won't be treated badly.

Good for you girl hopefully we can both grow like this!!
2 weeks of silence and the rest is bad - I need her to see just how bad it is!

100% what I thought. And I have a fair bit of dating experience. He's speaking to someone new hence the sudden concern over looking good in a profile pic. And the silence.

You're really lucky then. I don't know many people that don't give break-ups a second thought. Particularly when they've been discarded in a cold and confusing way.

There aren't very many people who can do that, and once you have feelings for someone, all bets are off.

It's very easy for some people to say ID never put up with this. I wouldn't tolerate that, but once you've got feelings for someone it often isn't that simple.

No there aren’t many that could! I would love to be one of them but I’m not. Break ups, particularly callous or sudden ones take a while to get out of your head - at least for me.

i suspect people that think they’d just move on in seconds are either very, very unusual…or it’s been so long since they’ve experienced break up they’ve forgotten the reality of how it feels.

Sympathies to your friend OP. It’s not easy but good she has your support

She's sent him the following message

I’ve given you space, but I can’t keep waiting in silence. I need a relationship with communication and effort, so I’m stepping back now. If you decide you’re ready to put in the effort, you can reach out — but I won’t stay in limbo any longer.

She is crying but she's done it. Stepped away and regained her control

She should have missed the bit where she asks him to reach out if he wants to put in the effort .
She hasn’t fully regained her control. She is still willing to wait for him .
She needs to go completely NC with him - block him on social media etc and get on with her life . This is what can be classed as regaining control
He doesn’t want her and the sooner she accepts this the better

Having feelings isn’t the be all and end all of human existence. I have plenty of feelings about money, property, politics but they don’t make me rob banks, squat in other people’s houses, or fight for the attention of politicians. I am not ruled by wants and feelings.

The OP’s friend can absolutely choose not to throw away her time and energy on an ex partner. moping and waiting and longing for this rude, passive, rejecting man is something to be fought, an identity that is to be rejected. She’s not a sad lover she’s a mug for lting flatter to be kicked.

They've only been together a year. I have done it a few times with people I've been with longer than that. One I was engaged to after four years together then something happened that was not ok and I was done and broke it off. Never spoke to him again.
Maybe I am unusual but I only shared what I would do.

The last line of your second paragraph sounds very much like emotion fuelling your words.