How long do you wait after being told "I don't know what I want"

[Mondaybluez]

Just that really....
After a year together if someone told you after a small argument/disagreement which ended up with them shouting at you down the phone and saying "leave me alone its over and its done" then when you speak again, 4 days later they say "they don't know what I want" in reference to the relationship....how long would you give it until you decide enough is enough now and they've had long enough to think.....

For reference is been on 4 days since the I don't know what I want comment...

Posting for opinions for my fab friend as we see this very differently.

Men who say I don’t know what I want say that as a weapon. So that women tie themselves in knots trying to prove that said man should want them and that the woman is the perfect woman. It’s pure manipulation.

I would not stay

But he’s left her. She just doesn’t realise it yet.

That’s a silly comment. The guy had dumped her!

It's over. Either she clings on until he ends it properly or she moves on with her dignity in tact.

There is no scenario where he suddenly bucks up and turns into this magic soulmate.

Maybe you need to (kindly) say to her that she has two choices. She can either hang on and on and on, hoping with desperation that he decides to choose her, and will then expect her to be forever grateful for his magnanimous decision; or you can tell her that she doesn't have to wait for him to decide, she can do it herself.

Question for you: If someone offered you the chance to win the lottery this evening, would your response be: "I dont know if I want that".

Exactly.

I would leave immediately.

I’d say, “well let me help you make up your mind, I’m out & no longer an option”

He’s a coward, and It’s the complete coward’s way of breaking up with her.

To me “not knowing what you want” means knowing exactly what you want but being too scared to say it

I would cut them off immediately.

It is isn't it....and it's working she's tied in big old ass knots right now and he's sat there probably not caring at all

I'm going to say this to her!!

Yes I'm going to try this thank you..... I think she's now trying to set some sort of timeline in her own head .. I feel so sorry for her

Very true!
I actually don't think he will end it properly - I think he will just remain silent!!

I think it's because he's gone from shouting it's over and then saying he needs time to think about it and he doesn't know what he wants she feels he's reverted back and doesn't want it to be over maybe??

He doesn’t want an actual relationship with her but he does want her to be hanging around miserable and insecure and desperate in case he gets lonely and fancies a shag, or needs a plus-one for an event. He’s a total cunt and this is an ego trip for him.

I’d walk away. Not worth the time.

Oh dear…
No.

Awful man, sounds like she will be better without him, she doesnt need to keep hanging on to the tiny scraps of hope he might decide to throw her if and when he runs out of other options. She needs to prioritise herself because he isn't going to.

I'd be up and off and wouldn't need telling twice. It's a cruel game to play and there's only one way to win - opting out of it. She should go her own way with dignity and never look back.

People like this keep on like this and usually they leave in the end. Ditch now.

I agree.... keeping her hanging for sex - he doesn't do many event things he literally works, pub and smokes weed....

I'm going to quote this to her!

0 seconds. Come back to me when you do know, by which point I’ll have likely decided you can stay in the bin.

I think he will never come back to her to tell her his decision if am honest I think he will remain silent which in time hopefully will tell her just how much of a dick he his...she feels like she should be moving on, but then she says but what if he comes back and wants this relationship and I've moved on... my heart breaks for her it really does