How long do you wait after being told "I don't know what I want"

[Mondaybluez]

Just that really....
After a year together if someone told you after a small argument/disagreement which ended up with them shouting at you down the phone and saying "leave me alone its over and its done" then when you speak again, 4 days later they say "they don't know what I want" in reference to the relationship....how long would you give it until you decide enough is enough now and they've had long enough to think.....

For reference is been on 4 days since the I don't know what I want comment...

Posting for opinions for my fab friend as we see this very differently.

I would hope that having that said to me would be the end.

I'm proud of her for the message but I do agree. She left the door open therefor still no control... needless to say he hasn't replied to her...

When people say this they generally mean “I don’t want to be with YOU” but are too scared to say the words because they fear the consequences.

I would leave straight away.

There’s a song by the Beautiful South, A little time.
have a listen to the lyrics (don’t read them as there are male and female parts) it puts it beautifully and says it all.

Your friend needs to block this waste of space on social media and on her phone after sending that message. I’d suggest that she stays single for atleast a year while she works on her confidence and self esteem.

Oh my god. Yes. I love this song!!!

He doesn't have social media - another red flag?

But I agree. Block him and move the hell on. I do feel she's going too at some point but slowly slowly while I be her shoulder to cry on

If somebody didn't know they wanted me after a year id call it a day/end it.

You’re single now op, I forgave after some thing similar then he walked out again just before our baby born

Another way to say ‘I don't know what I want’ is ‘I know that I don’t want you’

This man may well come back to you until something better comes along but why would you want that? He's told you he doesn't want you, so that’s all him coming back would ever be.

It's harsh but move on.

When my DCs answer 'I don't know' I then say to them, 'That ends in "no" and that's the true answer.' If they ever argued, protested, I'd back down in a minute and grant their every desire.

It's grim but true that people who want to be with you will make the effort and, in any other instance, if you have made reasonable/regular contact without reciprocation, the sad answer is, 'They're just not that in to you.'

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this...

I love this.

I think it's just so hard for her, he's told her so many words and said all the right things I think she just wanted to believe them so badly...

I’d leave them straight away, you either want me or you don’t.

I've said this to her, and I can see it sink in - how awful....what's wrong with people these days?!

And suggestions how to work on confidence and self esteem? For her obvs and myself I see alot of me in her

"when he ended it she was due to go on holiday with her son for the first time 2 days later"

Interesting. He knew how to make her have a shit time when she was going off to do something nice without him, then drew her back in with the amazing and beautiful comment.
How did the first split come about? Was she showing some sign of having an independent existence and got punished for it by being dumped on a flimsy pretext of a crappy little argument over nothing?

When we're into someone it's never about them. It's about what we get from them. So being fallen in love with isn't some accolade or anything, it's just someone who thinks we can give them what they want for a while. She hasn't lost anything. Some bloke just doesn't think he can get much from her right now.

She needs to change her mindset.

Oh gosh... your right....
First split was due to a very very minor argument, wouldn't even say argument, about something very minor which didn't warrant splitting up over 100%

This makes sense.... I'm going to try and help her switch that mindset for sure

Get some counselling to find out why she’s prepared to set her relationship bar so low. Read books like ‘Feel the fear but do it anyway’. Set herself some personal challenges like a new skill, a qualification or a new hobby. Above all, she has to accept that she can be happy being single and doesn’t need a partner.

Well, it's all happened, I posted him on are we dating the same guy in his area....a women commented that just before they split up, they got chatting at the pub he goes to regular and he was flirting with her and brought her a drink, nothing more happened other than this. Another women commented that they know him but he has never mentioned that he is in a relationship at all to her....

I told her and she broke her heart... I know it's minor but it's another sort of betrayal flirting and buying a women drinks at the bar...

She's been up all night sobbing he denied it at first then said they were just chatting and then has said he can't remember it.... and now he has told her he doesn't want to be with him anymore because HE can't FORGIVE her for doubting him...so basically she found out his bullshit and now he's used it to fully end the relationship...

She's upset but stronger than she has been and I'm just shocked and saddened for her..

I will suggest this thank you