Something isn't right thread #2

[FourAndFive]

Thanks so much for all your help and support. I can't believe the first thread is full - there isn’t a huge amount to update on right now, but I am looking forward to the future with my head held high, whatever the outcome. I'll keep posting.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5391850-something-isnt-right-emotional-affair-or-just-friends?page=1

To be honest I am not sure what op had done wrong, she’s seen a solicitor and made her H move out. She wants to try save the marriage but she has boundaries - biggest one is he gives up his “friendship” with the ow. I don’t think she can do anymore. She cannot force him to do more. He needs to want to save the marriage. I think some of the comments are harsh and unrealistic and will drive @FourAndFive away. In two weeks she’s taken swift action after months of sadness and his bullshit. Please posters give this lady credit and respect.

Well said.

Completely agree. OP is doing remarkably well, and doing what is right for her and her children, and getting real life support.

You're in my thoughts OP; Sending you love and strength through a screen from another total stranger.

I hope things work out for you, OP. Sending love xx

It’s great that he’s agreed to stay elsewhere for the moment and knows that you’re considering your options.

I’m so frustrated on your behalf! How can he still think that this friendship is worth losing everything for? Is he doubling down that this is somehow your issue or something in your head? I would take him up on the counselling asap and maybe if he has to listen to himself justify it to a third party he’ll see sense. It’s baffling.

I also agree that she may be oblivious to his feelings.

It never ceases to amaze me how vain, deluded and frankly completely detached from reality some middle aged men are about their chances with women 20+ years younger than them.

In my mid 20's I quickly became guarded around some of the older men having been repeatedly asked out in the large company I worked for.

What I thought was friendly pleasant chat, they seemingly thought was interest.🙄

I wasn't alone in that position, as several colleagues/ friends also found it genuinely bizarre that these guys would think we would be interested in them.
They were overwhelmingly married and would have spoken about their families in initial pleasant chats.
Twats.

Ahh I misread it! Thank you ☺️

I hope you’re doing ok OP, sending love.

When I went through something similar I needed some time to mentally detach from the pain and shock as it became too much. If there’s anything you can do to bring your stress down lovely, do it. Sensory soothing can be helpful, a warm bath with salts, a hot water bottle, getting lost in a favourite book. I found nice smells quite grounding for some reason, the smell of fresh coffee, lavender, lemons. Anything to give your brain and heart a little break. You are amazing and you WILL get through this 🌸

You’re doing great OP! You’ve done all you can.
He might come to his senses but by then you might be too far past the point of no return. We’ll support you here whatever happens.

Hi @FourAndFive I've been reading both of your threads, and wanted to say you're doing great.

A lot of what you say really resonates with me as I've had a big shock lately (a week ago today), and I'm taking time to decide where we go from here.
The only difference is mine is to do with him lying about money and spending, rather than an affair, and unfortunately, it's not the first time. 😔

Still, it's the lies that hurt, isn't it? I feel so betrayed, as I'm sure you do. I actually think that the feelings it causes are similar.

Feel free to pm me if you want to chat about things. 💐

I disagree, especially after the “are you okay? Is it me” question from OW. She knows fine what she’s doing.

Yes, and because of that I’d be having a word.
Not the Mumsnet thing.
I had a friend who dh was been pursued by a ow. Genuinely her dh was oblivious. My friend told her back off.
In her case ow nearly p***d her pants.
I know that’s not always the case and some ow can turn nasty.
However , I would still be asking what the heck she doing … and was she trying to destroy my marriage ( yes I know the man is a fault - but op’s tried that - and he’s too thick in the emotional fog to see the wood for the trees - and men can be stupid at times).
Most of these ow are weak anyway.

I missed her asking this...yea, that might well indicate awareness alright.

Where on this thread had the OW been in touch with the OP please because I and others have not seen that. Thanks.

ow hasn’t been in touch with the op . This is what the ow said to H when he’d gone a bit quiet when the shit hit the fan between him and op.

Ah, OK thanks for that. I'm off my cake on morphine this morning and thought I was losing the plot entirely.

It wasn’t to the OP it was in the texts to the husband.

Thanks for that. I remember that now.

@FourAndFive

Hope you are OK, lovely, and that no news is good news.

Was going to send you a snuggle earlier, but this time last week I had a very poorly puddycat on my hands and thought we were going to lose him.

Better now, and snoring away so loudly that I can hear him on the far side of the living room, in his favourite cardboard box, of course. Love as always, TC x

Send you a SNUGGLE? Fkn he'll

😂

She's on the wrong thread. That's not a thread about your daily life, cats and all that

I doubt the op has much time or energy blabbering away right now unless I'm wrong and that's private chat

How is it going @FourAndFive?

Thinking of you and sending all good wishes.