My Partner slept with an Escort, how do I move on?

[MugOrJustHopefull]

My partner(M55) and I (F48) have been together 2.5 yrs and our start was far from conventional. He was married when we met and left his wife for multiple reasons which he says were already existing before me, and that meeting me was the catalyst of him leaving rather than leaving her for me.

I moved a long way 6 months ago to be with him and our physical relationship is phenomenal and always has been.

I am a very rational person, I have encouraged him to open up and express his thoughts and feelings, which he has done, especially over the last 18 months. I've never shouted or screamed at him and that's something hes not used to, just calm conversations.

Recently, I knew there was something wrong and as much as I tried to get him to talk, he would just shut down.

He left his PC open and I looked at his search history and he had been goggling escorts and there were 4 photos of a woman.

I asked him about the escort searches and he said he'd always thought they were more realistic that standard sights. It was clear to me that there was still something he wasnt saying, I asked him over and over to which I just got - i don't know what you want me to say,and then again - shut down.

I mentioned the 4 photos of a woman and he denied knowledge, so I said id show him, but they had been deleted and the thumbnails said "recently deleted".

Anyway fast forward 24 hours and I finally got him to confess he'd slept with an Escort. He said it was only once and before we moved in together so around October time. I stayed calm and rational as always and we talked, he cried, I didn't. He said it was a huge mistake that he regretted the second he'd done it.

Well, fast forward another week and we've discussed it, I know who she was, where and when, bits and pieces of what they did / didn't do and what she looks like. She is of course slim, young and pretty.

I really want to try and move on with our
relationship together. He's given me all the standard lines of its me that he loves and wants to be with and grow old with and he wants us to have a life together.

My trust in him is shattered and he works away a fair bit so I know that will be torturous.

BUT.... although I can forgive in time I don't know how to forget.
I just don't know how we move on together

How it starts is how it ends.

I'd be moving on from that instantly. Without him.

Come on, OP, you can't possibly want to stay with him now. The fact he's working away from home, too, means you will always be on pins. Do you really think that at the age of 55 he went to his first escort? This is what he does. This is who he is. He will pay women to have sex with him, even when there's an alternative, which is you.

You are used to calm relationships. He is not. How long do you think it will take before you are screaming at him, before your heart is pounding and you can't see straight? That's what he's used to. That's who he is.

I appreciate you moved away from your own home to be with this prick. Do you have the means to move back?

Surely you would know - if I understood your post correctly - that if you started out as an affair, he’s a cheater by habit?

Cheaters like that rarely change. It suits him, he gets what he wants and will lie his way out of it as needed.

I hope his ex wife is somewhere celebrating being free of this bs.

Sorry love, you should be walking out the door. Have some self respect.

He's not a prize you should bother fighting to save, he's a piece of rubbish that you need to discard. Move on without him, please.

What countries are those?

Misogynistic ones whose opinions don’t matter because they’re detested by anyone with morals.

Also, try reading the OP, he’s already a cheat, cheated on his ex. And OP says

I moved a long way 6 months ago to be with him and our physical relationship is phenomenal and always has been.

He thinks he´s got you pinned down and that no matter what he does you won't leave him since you moved so far to live with him. Prove him wrong and god's sake, please raise your standard if you ever date again.

Move out and then block him on everything.

@MugOrJustHopefull when you got with this guy when he cheated on his wife, you created a mistress vacancy.

He’s lowlife scum, move on!

He said it was a huge mistake that he regretted the second he’d done it.

Probably said these exact words to his wife. He said there were existing reasons for him and his wife to have problems.

Yeah she found out that he’s a guy who no matter what he has, he wants more when it comes to sex with women and doesn’t care if he has to lie (in his affair with you) or pay for it (with the escorts).

I'll be the 999th person to say it but...

You don't move on together... there are so many red flags before him cheating on you by paying for sex with a prostitute.

You move on by breaking up with him and raising your bar.

I have NRTFT. He betrayed you by looking for and purchasing sex, despite having great sex with you. Was this before you lived together? Then when you asked him, he lied and lied and lied. For me, that is the worse part. I suspect he has used prostitutes for sex many times, and won’t admit it until you force him.

i would ‘move on’ by ending the relationship because this would not be acceptable to me at all.

He had an affair with OP, that’s a red flag IMO!!

surely you mean "ex partner"?

He hasn’t told you the truth. He’s told you the absolute minimum he thinks he can to try and earn your belief. There will be much much more. I’ve been here. I’ve been to the support groups and heard many tens of women’s stories. They’re all the same. Yours isn’t an anomaly. Please DM me if you want to xxx

So he’s already cheated on his wife and you within a short amount of time, he’s not even trying OP. This is how much he respects women.

He sounds like a dirty old man. He probably lied about the problems in his marriage as well. You need to gain some self respect and bin him off!

Please get a higher sense of self-esteem and bin the creepy tosser.

Is that you Bonnie Blue??

One word answer: leave.

Men who use prostitutes are scum, and they'll ALWAYS use them.

He's a cheater, so he will do it again and again and again. Cheaters, cheat.

Indeed. Along with a tonne of BS excuses

You don’t ’move on’
either you or him moves out and he can play with his ‘escort’ when he wants and you can find a decent bloke to get old with

I doubt very much that this is the first time your partner has used an escort. It's merely the first time you've caught him. He recently deleted photos of an escort, that he denied knowledge of, to your face. He's actively been searching for escorts. People don't search for escorts by mistake, they don't employ the services of an escort by mistake - both are conscious decisions. Often escorts are trafficked women, forced into the sex industry by unscrupulous and violent men, who take a huge cut in the money these women earn. Cheating is awful, but having sex with prostitutes (an escort is a prostitute) is even worse, it's the lowest of the low. I'd be ending the relationship, and getting an STI check.