My Partner slept with an Escort, how do I move on?

[MugOrJustHopefull]

My partner(M55) and I (F48) have been together 2.5 yrs and our start was far from conventional. He was married when we met and left his wife for multiple reasons which he says were already existing before me, and that meeting me was the catalyst of him leaving rather than leaving her for me.

I moved a long way 6 months ago to be with him and our physical relationship is phenomenal and always has been.

I am a very rational person, I have encouraged him to open up and express his thoughts and feelings, which he has done, especially over the last 18 months. I've never shouted or screamed at him and that's something hes not used to, just calm conversations.

Recently, I knew there was something wrong and as much as I tried to get him to talk, he would just shut down.

He left his PC open and I looked at his search history and he had been goggling escorts and there were 4 photos of a woman.

I asked him about the escort searches and he said he'd always thought they were more realistic that standard sights. It was clear to me that there was still something he wasnt saying, I asked him over and over to which I just got - i don't know what you want me to say,and then again - shut down.

I mentioned the 4 photos of a woman and he denied knowledge, so I said id show him, but they had been deleted and the thumbnails said "recently deleted".

Anyway fast forward 24 hours and I finally got him to confess he'd slept with an Escort. He said it was only once and before we moved in together so around October time. I stayed calm and rational as always and we talked, he cried, I didn't. He said it was a huge mistake that he regretted the second he'd done it.

Well, fast forward another week and we've discussed it, I know who she was, where and when, bits and pieces of what they did / didn't do and what she looks like. She is of course slim, young and pretty.

I really want to try and move on with our
relationship together. He's given me all the standard lines of its me that he loves and wants to be with and grow old with and he wants us to have a life together.

My trust in him is shattered and he works away a fair bit so I know that will be torturous.

BUT.... although I can forgive in time I don't know how to forget.
I just don't know how we move on together

He slept with an escort-bad.. He slept with an escort whilst in a relationship with you? The end in my opinion.

When the trust is gone, the relationship is gone. I truly believe that.

Plus I wouldn't ever want to touch him again knowing what he's done.

He's shown you his true colours, so time for you to show him the door.

What? Is this the opinion from a local escorts agency owner? 😬

BUT.... although I can forgive in time I don't know how to forget

Quite simply, you can’t. It’s always going to be there in the back of your mind, popping up at the most inconvenient moments. Your only options are to listen to it, leave him and then you will forget. Or continue with him and just ignore it.

I’m slightly confused why you’re surprised by this. You knew he was capable of lying and having sex with other women while the woman who thought he loved her was sat at home waiting for him. Did you think it would be different for you because he told you that you’re nicer to him than his ex was?

This relationship sounds like it’s been a disaster from the start. End it and work on yourself so that you don’t accept such awful men in your life.

If you have a relationship with a married man what do you expect?

You are perfect for each other.

I’m single going on 10 years, been on plenty of dates, seeing people here & there , never the right guy though … I’m geuine & attractive…
It baffles me as to how someone like OPS partner has someone he loves , has a great sex life with , but would still cheat & risk it all !
If I find that , I wouldn’t risk it literally for the winning lotto numbers ..
Men are so different to us , they’re just wired differently ..
We definitely as a rule are more geuine & trustworthy..
I wish I was a man 😂

How on earth do you know what she did or didn't choose? What a ridiculous claim to make.

@MugOrJustHopefull I am really sorry this happened to you. It sounds painful and you clearly love him. I think you already know that it's over. This man put thought into sleeping with an escort, it didn't just happen, it involved effort and planning on his part. He had plenty of time to stop and pivot but instead he claims he regretted it the second he finished, lol, what a shame it wasn't the second before he started! I am sorry I don't believe him. But I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

Op I don’t know how you can be considering continuing the relationship!

He lies and sleeps with prostitutes and puts you at risk of stds. It won’t just be one time. He cried because he just didn’t know what else to do, shutting down hasn’t worked so like a child he cried.

Whilst it’s admirable to be a calm woman who doesn’t shout, it’s not admirable to be a doormat that lets a man walk all over her. And can you not see why his previous partners might have gotten angry with him…

Imagine being a young, slim, pretty woman and having to sleep with horrible old 55 year old men for money.

I could never forgive this.

Why on earth would you degrade yourself by staying with him? He will just cause more pain and suffering to you so why try and change him… you can’t, he wont. He’s proved he doesn’t value or prioritise you.

He cheated on his wife with you and cheated on you with an escort, he's a serial cheat and always will be. I bet if you asked his wife you were not the first. If you can't live with the fact that he won't be faithful you will have to leave.

God, you're only 2.5 years in to a relationship, 6 months in to living together and already you know that he's a cheat and a player.

Move back to where you came from. It won't get any better.

You leave him as fast as possible is the answer .

Well you knew he was hardly a man of upstanding morals didn't you? He cheated with you, he's cheated on you, he's thinks it's fine to pay for sex. Get rid and get some self respect.

Literally zero decent men pay for sex. Not one.

Without sounding totally clichéd, you knew he was a cheat when you allowed yourself to be the "catalyst" for the end of his marriage. You're learning the hard way that he's actually just a garden variety misogynist who can't keep it in his pants. I'm sure he had a great story to spin about why his marriage was so unhappy, but it would seem that his values and actions made him a completely inadequate husband. If you continue the relationship, at least do so with eyes wide open because it couldn't be clearer what sort of man he is.

Fuck that! Kindly OP why on earth aren't you disposing of his belongings (whilst wearing rubber gloves!) and getting yourself as far away from this repulsive man as possible? I don't understand why you would want to move on with a man who not only cheated on you and put your sexual health at risk but with an 'escort' and therefore a potentially trafficked/coerced/vulnerable woman? Is that really all you think you deserve?

She knew that from day one and pushed on regardless

Give me a break 🙈, I’ve put another post up since , I’ve reclaimed 😂

Surely the way you move on with this relationship is to end it? How could you even think of continuing in a relationship with a man who has been screwing someone else, and paying for it, just 2.5 years after he met you? And that’s just the occasion that you w found about. Have some respect for yourself.

Thing is OP, you thought that you were different. You're not. You're just another in a long line of women he's cheated on. He uses sex workers ffs. Are you really so desperate that you want to continue this relationship? Really?

He cheated on his wife with you, and now he’s cheated on you. With escorts, with is just so grim and seedy.

He is not a good man and you will never be able to trust him.

I mean I think in a relationship his short cheating is a terrible sign. Would he be cool with you having sex with someone else and want to carry on the relationship? I assume not.

If you want to carry on the relationship then it’s down to him to do the work to rebuild the trust, up to him if he has the ability to do that or not.

In my experience it doesn’t happen, so my advice would be in the bin for this one.

I wouldn't want to 'move on' from this except to move on to someone else.

He cheated on you with an escort. He cheated on his wife with you. I strongly suspect there is a whole lot that you don't know about this man and his behaviour.

Regardless of what people think about the ethics of paying for sex - it's up to you to decide what you think whether it is acceptable for anyone to pay for sex - the core point here is that he slept with someone else when in a supposedly long-term relationship with you. You've been together 2.5 years and he cheated on in October, so you'd been together for almost two years by then. I think you'd be crazy to assume that's the only time he's done it.

That alone would be a deal-breaker for me, regardless of whether he cheated with a sex worker, an acquaintance or someone he met on Tinder. (Although the fact that he cheated with someone who wouldn't even have looked twice at him if he hadn't paid her a lot of money and who probably found him fairly repellent is obviously an added ick factor.)