My Partner slept with an Escort, how do I move on?

[MugOrJustHopefull]

My partner(M55) and I (F48) have been together 2.5 yrs and our start was far from conventional. He was married when we met and left his wife for multiple reasons which he says were already existing before me, and that meeting me was the catalyst of him leaving rather than leaving her for me.

I moved a long way 6 months ago to be with him and our physical relationship is phenomenal and always has been.

I am a very rational person, I have encouraged him to open up and express his thoughts and feelings, which he has done, especially over the last 18 months. I've never shouted or screamed at him and that's something hes not used to, just calm conversations.

Recently, I knew there was something wrong and as much as I tried to get him to talk, he would just shut down.

He left his PC open and I looked at his search history and he had been goggling escorts and there were 4 photos of a woman.

I asked him about the escort searches and he said he'd always thought they were more realistic that standard sights. It was clear to me that there was still something he wasnt saying, I asked him over and over to which I just got - i don't know what you want me to say,and then again - shut down.

I mentioned the 4 photos of a woman and he denied knowledge, so I said id show him, but they had been deleted and the thumbnails said "recently deleted".

Anyway fast forward 24 hours and I finally got him to confess he'd slept with an Escort. He said it was only once and before we moved in together so around October time. I stayed calm and rational as always and we talked, he cried, I didn't. He said it was a huge mistake that he regretted the second he'd done it.

Well, fast forward another week and we've discussed it, I know who she was, where and when, bits and pieces of what they did / didn't do and what she looks like. She is of course slim, young and pretty.

I really want to try and move on with our
relationship together. He's given me all the standard lines of its me that he loves and wants to be with and grow old with and he wants us to have a life together.

My trust in him is shattered and he works away a fair bit so I know that will be torturous.

BUT.... although I can forgive in time I don't know how to forget.
I just don't know how we move on together

You don't know if this woman has been trafficked or coerced into becoming an escort. Do you believe all escorts are just 'happy hookers' who don't fancy an office job.
It would be very relevant to me if a man had sex with an escort - it tells me he doesn't care much about consent.

I think you are overreacting. In many countries it’s perfectly normal for DH’s to have some time with an escort and often welcomed by the Mrs because they may no longer be that enthusiastic about sex. Give the poor guy a break.

Even if this woman chose that job (you don't know and neither do I). I wouldn't judge her but I would certainly judge him and any other man for using those 'services' the man has no idea if she chose that path or was forced into it or vulnerable and wouldn't use an escort if he did.

How do you know she chose it? The proportion of women who are prostituted who have absolutely free choice is vanishingly small.

You’re naive, at best, if you think anything else.

Try this - if you have a child, would you be cool about them being prostituted to earn money? See it as being the same as any other job? Would you sit around the dinner table and listen to them talk to you about the men who buy them? What those men require them to do?

Yuck. Why would you want to save this?

I really hope you're being sarcastic

What’s the betting he slept with escorts and his ex wife found out too

No I don’t believe they are all just “ happy hookers “ .
I do believe though some are happy to choose it as an occupation aswel ..
You make it sound as though OPs partner went & raped someone “ doesn’t care about consent “
To be fair that’s not fair , well that’s my opinion..

I just feel this man will never be happy with what he has & will cheat again should an opportunity arise , or not arise , he actively sought out someone to have sex with ..
I think men that use escort services are men who want their sexual fantasies to be fulfilled, fantasies they are not comfortable discussing with their partners ..

Vile

He doesn't know whether he is raping a vulnerable woman who doesn't have any choice in the situation though, that's the point. He's not going to be verifying this before he books her in, he knows there is a chance
No-one is saying she is wrong for being an escort if she chooses, but he is vile for using an escort

Obviously not , I probably worded things badly , I’m just saying not all escorts forced into it , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️..

Yes , I understand what you mean , why would any man use an escort agency when they have no idea what circumstances led to the girl they are with working there , that’s very true 🤷🏻‍♀️
And now that I give it some more thought , I couldn’t have sex with someone who is being paid to have sex with me 🤮

Actual reflection on your position is so rare on here - it’s lush to see 🥰

Same way they come is the same way they go. He's going even lower with an escort though. You need to work on your own self-esteem and self-respect and leave him before he leaves you for the next new shiny woman who will have have him.

I can forgive in time I don't know how to forget.

Wow. I’m more surprised by your response than the fact a man cheated 🤯

This can hardly have come as a surprise?

you knew he is a cheat, you had an affair wth a married man, of course he will cheat and cheat again.

the only way any normal person would move on from this is to end it.

but if you want to stay with someone who couldn’t be any clearer through his actions that he’s going to cheat and cheat again, you go for it. I’d like to say that’s one less vile man on the market, but of course he still will be.

get him to wear condoms too if you don’t want ti be under constant fear of where his dick has been and what you might be catching.

Hi OP’s Partner.

Close the door on the way out.

No , you’re right , I put up another post ..
He doesn’t know the circumstances of why the girls who work there are escorts & that is vile ..
I was even thinking after paying someone to have sex with you is 🤮..

He sounds fantastic OP, I predict a long life of health and happiness with this wonderful man.

You met when he was married however it wasn't technically cheating somehow.

Then he left and was with you but he didn't leave to be with you.

He has manipulated into never losing your temper or being anything but calm and understanding to his bullshit.

He has cheated on you.

He purchases young women's bodies.

How can you move on together? Well how can you not with such a catch?

Everyone here is jealous.

You don’t move on. At least, not together. You implement your boundary and you remove him from your life. No man can be worth tying your brain in knots to accept someone trampling your boundaries. Please put yourself at the centre of your life and go and get a healthy relationship that works for you.

So he cheated on his wife with you
Now he’s cheating on you with escorts

What would make you think he is worth continuing with ?

This man sounds top notch he had an affair with you behind his wife’s back .Uses sex workers fucking hell what a catch.

He regrets sleeping with an escort and yet he continues to search them up online... doesn't make sense. Wake up, OP. He will do this again, he is already trying.

If you want to remain in the relationship, then have a discussion about opening it up. He's evidently a cheat and won't stop, so accept that if you want to stay with him.

Use condoms as he pays for sex and get regular STD tests as they're not just caught from sex.

And added to my further message , why would you want to forgive ? What possible reason could ever make that ok ?
and you won’t forget. It will always be in the back of your mind .

So he cheated on his wife and then cheated on you with an escort! This guy seems to be a habitual cheater, he's showing you who he is - Listen