My Partner slept with an Escort, how do I move on?

[MugOrJustHopefull]

My partner(M55) and I (F48) have been together 2.5 yrs and our start was far from conventional. He was married when we met and left his wife for multiple reasons which he says were already existing before me, and that meeting me was the catalyst of him leaving rather than leaving her for me.

I moved a long way 6 months ago to be with him and our physical relationship is phenomenal and always has been.

I am a very rational person, I have encouraged him to open up and express his thoughts and feelings, which he has done, especially over the last 18 months. I've never shouted or screamed at him and that's something hes not used to, just calm conversations.

Recently, I knew there was something wrong and as much as I tried to get him to talk, he would just shut down.

He left his PC open and I looked at his search history and he had been goggling escorts and there were 4 photos of a woman.

I asked him about the escort searches and he said he'd always thought they were more realistic that standard sights. It was clear to me that there was still something he wasnt saying, I asked him over and over to which I just got - i don't know what you want me to say,and then again - shut down.

I mentioned the 4 photos of a woman and he denied knowledge, so I said id show him, but they had been deleted and the thumbnails said "recently deleted".

Anyway fast forward 24 hours and I finally got him to confess he'd slept with an Escort. He said it was only once and before we moved in together so around October time. I stayed calm and rational as always and we talked, he cried, I didn't. He said it was a huge mistake that he regretted the second he'd done it.

Well, fast forward another week and we've discussed it, I know who she was, where and when, bits and pieces of what they did / didn't do and what she looks like. She is of course slim, young and pretty.

I really want to try and move on with our
relationship together. He's given me all the standard lines of its me that he loves and wants to be with and grow old with and he wants us to have a life together.

My trust in him is shattered and he works away a fair bit so I know that will be torturous.

BUT.... although I can forgive in time I don't know how to forget.
I just don't know how we move on together

Game over. He betrayed you. I could not forgive it, never mind forget it. He did it once, he'll do it again.

The only winner in this is his ex wife.
No sympathy for you, karma for getting with a married man.

Walk away and move on he obviously isn't committed or serious done it once will do it again

I don't understand why you want to, tbh. I strongly suspect it was one of the unspoken reasons why he and his wife parted company.

This

He is telling you the very tip of the iceberg.. there will be more.

Honestly, there is better for you out there.

He is disgusting and has zero respect for you. I'm so sorry.

Why would you put up with this shit?

Leave.

You don't move on together. That's it really.

Agree with this completely.

My exh used them. I thought this was some sort of acting out when our marriage was ending but I now think he's done it for years and did it with girlfriends after our marriage ended too. I think it becomes addictive.

Men who use prostitutes are liars and their attitudes to women are dreadful.

He has a history of cheating, you were the other woman once. He sleeps with escorts and I expect she wasn't the only one! He's lied to you and will continue to lie to you. Walk away now and move on with your life, you deserve better.

You say that the physical side of your relationship is phenomenal.

Well, so it should be, yet you sound like it’s something exceptional!

He obviously doesn’t feel that it’s phenomenal as he’s gone looking elsewhere and doesn’t find you to ‘enough’ for his sexual needs.

Instead of addressing his the problem and telling you that he finds lovemaking with you unsatisfactory and lacking, he has just gone out and paid to have sex with someone.

How utterly insulting. yet you want to stay with him, knowing full well that you don’t satisfy him and it will only be a matter of time before he cheats again.

Get rid of him and find a man who want you and only you.

I want to have a bath in disinfectant just reading about this man and your bar is so low this cockroach has to limbo under it. He cheated with you/on you/with prostitutes, probably others but you will allow it because you think you've won a prize. He left his wife because he had you to go to and she'd probably had enough. He didn't choose you.

The only way to move forward in your relationship is to accept that he's a cheat so he will betray you, and also accept that he's thinks consent can be bought.
So you accept a life of regular betrayal and frequent STI tests.

Or you accept that that's no way to live and bin him off.

You don’t move on. You move out. He is revolting.

"My partner(M55) and I (F48) have been together 2.5 yrs "

"I moved a long way 6 months ago to be with him"

"he works away a fair bit"

So we're talking a long-distance relationship for the first two years, aren't we? Occasional meet-ups rather than the more solid companionship of a same-town relationship. And since "he works away a fair bit", maybe you've seen no more of him in the past six months than you did in the two years preceding.

To be blunt - you know him less than "2.5 years" would suggest.

He's a cheat. He fucked over his wife, he's currently fucking you over. He won't change.

Move out, move back to where you moved from; where you have friends and a support network. This man is the very definition of 'not worth it'.

Oh come on op. You ‘move on’, by actually Moving On and out of this man’s life. He’s a cheater, a liar, and someone who is happy to pay women for sex. What would you say if a friend was telling you this story…? Seriously, get out now.

He doesn’t care about you or like you very much.

We need to be realistic. People show others how they feel though actions, someone who values your relationship doesn’t pay for sex behind your back.

So he didn't just cheat on you in a drunken heat of the moment, he researched/chose/PAID to do so?
He might have regretted it, but that doesn't change the fact he very intentionally betrayed you. If you have even the slightest amount of self respect the way you move on is by heading in a different direction and leaving him behind.

You can’t move on together.

He is skank, you can do so much better. Alone would be better.

So he slept with the escort in October but there’s been recent searches on his computer? Obviously he was bullshitting when he said he’d a mistake just telling you what you want to hear. I’m sorry but this kind of man will not stop.

Oh do yourself a favour. It’s only 2.5 years and he’s already shagging escorts?! This relationship is going nowhere.

How can your self esteem be so low that you think this is ok and will stay with him, at age 55 he has done this lots of times, you are in la la land, this is not some pretty young women who caught his eye she is expoited and he paid for sex, there really is nothing more to say, sex work isnt like the film pretty women, and im not against porn but if hes using sex workers hes also looking at porn, and get yourself tested for STI , you are aware that herpes HIV hepatitus are for life and not just christmas, and yes many men get a thrill out of not using a condom with sex workers, how do you know this girl isnt trafficked or beaten,

You won’t be able to trust him ever again.

Realistically, I bet his wife knows a lot more about his seedy track record than you do.

Exactly this and if you had a son would you be happy that he was using sex workers and not telling his wife