Has sex changed so much in the porn era that it is impossible to find someone who enjoys sex for sex itsel

[Todayismyfavouriteday]

My sister has been online dating for a few years, and has now decided to give up because she's fed up with men wanting to act out every fantasy and kinky dream they've had -probably fueled by pornography -from the first date. She's also encountered some real sex freaks, and on occasion has been accused of being 'vanilla' for not wanting anal sex (just one example of many).

I've been married for almost twenty years and have no idea how things have changed in that domain... Can you share your stories about sex in modern dating, and how do you protect yourself/ establish boundaries? My sister just wants to get to know someone, have sex they both enjoy eventually, without having to act as a porn star to keep a man interested.
(Sorry, the title should read 'sex itself, but I don't seem to be able to edit this)

Absolutely not a myth.
Whilst it can be numerous factors. I know lots of cases where men have been able to completely reverse ED by completing a masturbation/sex/pornography detox.

it’s fucking wearying

Yes but why not just stop wanking so much to porn stars sticking things in places where you’re not supposed to stick them so you don’t need to go on a WANK / PORN DETOX in the first place?
What a sad state of affairs.

I don't agree.
I have tried online dating several times and never once had this issue.
If you chat online before meeting up you can get a rough idea what agenda they have.
I have in fact met some lovely decent men online but just not clicked for whatever reason. So it makes me question what sort of sites your sister is on.
I also met someone a year ago naturally and he is extremely respectful and kind, l feel extremely safe and comfortable with him.
What l will say is single mum's with children are deemed desperate by some not so pleasant men, they can come across as being too willing to please. Your sister needs to practice really strong boundaries along with self respect. Maybe just give up on dating for a while and work on herself.

😂😂😂

I haven’t done OLD but after a long marriage have had two relationships with men I met in the ‘wild’. Both in their late 50s. The first was divorced but had been in a weird set up with his wife for many years with no sex as she was asexual (and I believed him because I would have thought he was a virgin if there wasn’t the evidence of two grown up children and he was very nervous and reluctant to initiate sex) -he was clearly affected by porn, ED, didn’t know how to kiss, tried the slapping, couldn’t finish, no interest in oral on me etc.. liked to cuddle and did get erections but rapidly lost them when trying to penetrate. I would have been willing to persevere but we broke up for other reasons. Ironically as he is drop dead gorgeous he is relentlessly pursued by hopeful women locally who have no chance with him - will never get him in the sack 😂)
The second man is a polar opposite, but… the reason is that he is a widower and had a happy marriage with good and regular sex.
He is a wonderful kisser, gentle but ensures I have at least one orgasm before PIV, great at oral and no suggestion of anal (which I wouldn’t anyway why would you when there is a better orifice? 😀) Not coincidental that I also orgasm with him through PIV -never have before with several boyfriends before my marriage or 27 years married. He had only ever had sex with his wife before me, not really watched open other than with her for occasional curiosity value but is so much better than men I’ve known who’ve had multiple partners.
But I completely appreciate that widowers like him are very rare and I do worry for the younger generation of women looking for a decent father for their future DC 😔😔

I agree!

It’s disgusting. All about humiliation and hatred of women.

I used Badoo and Hinge when I was single. I can count on one hand the number of times a man brought up sex before a first date. And I dated men aged 33- 45.

Just for context my profile is all about cooking and travelling and reading. Also I am slim-ish but quite curvy - I’m wearing jeans and long sleeves in most of my pictures. You can still see my figure but still fairly covered up. I wanted creepy men to read my profile and think “boring” “prude” etc and avoid me and think I was largely successful.

No idea how your sister dresses in her pics and not saying women should have to cover up to avoid sleazy men, but just explaining what has possibly worked for me in deterring those kind of men.

I also didn’t continue to text men who had not mentioned a plan to take me on a date after more than a few days of chatting . There are lots of married /unavailable people on app who have no intention of meeting you and just want to engage in dirty talk. So I was quick to unmatch if a man lacked intention.

I had one boyfriend about 13 years ago who relentlessly asked to go down there with a torch and get a close up personally view of me having an orgasm.. with a torch😭

That’s hilarious!

Yep, lots of weirdos these days, thankfully I weeded them out before they got near my bedroom. Met a normal man after a while but it was pretty depressing for those months

I met my last ex through Old, a guy in his early 40s. The sex went on for absolutely ages, he often couldn't finish at all, he required a fast and furious death grip for hand jobs and expected me to orgasm hands-free within seconds (impossible for me).

He put his hands round my throat, stuck his finger up my arse, slapped me and spat on me (the first two of those happened the first time we slept together) - all without asking or getting any indication from me that I wanted this stuff (I didn't).

I had a conversation with him and he admitted he was using porn every day (the guy had no job, so plenty of time). He made me feel utterly useless because I couldn't compete with what he was seeing on screen. I told him how our sex life was affecting me and he promised to cut down on the porn. Of course he didn't, so I left with my self esteem in tatters.

So sorry. I don't think I'd have seen him again after the first time.

Probably the same way you learn about about anything without directly experiencing it? You READ, LISTEN and WATCH.

You’ve not been here long have you 😆

There’s even men here too you know!

That's fine for many topics but this is one where I think you do actually need direct experience before making sweeping statements.

That actually wouldn’t bother me 😂

It’s harmless curiosity about the human body.

Can't deny it's strange though and most people would see it that way. Yuk.

8from a man who can get hard and keep it up at the sight of a woman’s body without having to wear a nappy or be pissed on. 🤷‍♀️ *

This. It's sad.

Crazy. She's dreaming of normal sex and babies, but attracts sadistic psychopaths

No, to be fair at the time I would say I was much more .. ‘vanilla’ and today it wouldn’t bother be so much if it was in a intense/kinky kind of atmosphere.. but the phone torch.. and the fact he was so pushy about it was so off putting🤣

Yep.

I met my husband online dating 12 years ago. He was into porn still is, he’s not weird, neither of us are vanilla he certainly didn’t weird me out even in the early days. Women (and men) need to be comfortable in their own boundaries if you can’t talk openly about these things with the people you choose to be with then in my opinion they are not the person for you.

Agree. I gave it all up years ago (!) but it was already the case that you could tell a man was a frequent porn user from the way he was in bed. Most had bad habits and/or unreasonable expectations; none were fully present.

There's a big contrast with the man who's entirely in the moment, instead of some script in his mind. It's a pity the 'script' guys will never know how mind-blowing sex can be!