Has sex changed so much in the porn era that it is impossible to find someone who enjoys sex for sex itsel

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My sister has been online dating for a few years, and has now decided to give up because she's fed up with men wanting to act out every fantasy and kinky dream they've had -probably fueled by pornography -from the first date. She's also encountered some real sex freaks, and on occasion has been accused of being 'vanilla' for not wanting anal sex (just one example of many).

I've been married for almost twenty years and have no idea how things have changed in that domain... Can you share your stories about sex in modern dating, and how do you protect yourself/ establish boundaries? My sister just wants to get to know someone, have sex they both enjoy eventually, without having to act as a porn star to keep a man interested.
(Sorry, the title should read 'sex itself, but I don't seem to be able to edit this)

Why would anyone want to share stories of their sex life when dating.?

And why isn't your sister posting?

Men that watch lots of porn are generally shit in bed in mine and my friends experience. Its really sad.

I have dated men I’ve met online. I have been asked to do things that I haven’t done before. I have said no and that’s been fine. We haven’t done it and the relationship has continued (till I decided it wasn’t working for me for other reasons). In another relationship I did try new things, but have only continued doing things I liked.
I do worry about my children and this though. I am happy to say no and I hope they are too.
In terms of online dating, it’s like anything, if you find you are incompatible you discontinue the relationship. There are men out there that are happy with a woman even if that don’t ’act as a porn star’.

I’m old and married but yes, I agree. Everyone has some weird “kink” and if you don’t, you’re boring and “vanilla”.

What happened to a good old fashioned fuck from a man who can get hard and keep it up at the sight of a woman’s body without having to wear a nappy or be pissed on. 🤷‍♀️

I've been with my husband 9 years but before that had my fair share of sexual encounters. Just normal sex. I've never been asked to do anything weird.

From what I hear, and from what I know porn to be like these days, I'm relieved I'm with a man who grew up getting his kicks from Nuts magazine!

He watches porn, but my naked body still does it for him - and no less so as I get older.

20 years ago I was dating a guy who was constantly asking for kinkier things in the bedroom. It turns out he was addicted to porn and would watch it multiple times throughout the day.

i worry for my own children and the impact of watching it. A lot of it would be rubbish for the woman.

I’m old to ,you have really made me laugh this comment is so true

If you're old & married how do you know this?
Or have you not been married long?

It is an addiction. The more they watch the more extreme it needs to get to get the same reaction.

Some men therefore find porn has become “boring” and just kind of give up on it.

But it’s the ones who keep chasing the thrill who have the issue. It’s bound up with a deep frustration that they are chasing the thrill and it’s getting harder and harder to achieve.

I do worry for the next generation.

Porn and its effects on society is not being taken anywhere nearly as seriously as it should be. It’s like we are just doing some weird social experiment on people by feeding them this crap then expecting them to instinctively know that “real” sex isn’t meant to be like that. Trouble is, I really don’t think young people do realise. Its giving weight to aggressive men to pressure women into doing things they are never in a million years going to find pleasurable.

Agree with this.
Difference now is that it is way more widespread as buying physical videos (showing my age here) not required, but this was an issue decades ago too.

I did OLD on and off for quite some time. I have literally lost count of the times that a man would say, within the first few messages, "do you do anal?" 🙄
It's depressing. I agree with your sisters experience, it's been the same for me.

I've given up now. I'm in my 50s and quite honestly, the idea of sex with someone scares me now. Men my age, who didn't grow up with internet porn, are just as bad, if not worse, than the younger ones that did. They seem to think they somehow "missed out" on the sex they thought they should have had and want to make up for it.

I don't want to do the things that seem to have been normalised now. I'd rather just not bother because it wouldn't be enjoyable for me anyway.

Certain dating sites have that far more than others (some of the free ones are particularly bad).

Are the people she’s encountering all of a similar age and demographic?

I’ve make friends who do online dating and know they who would never broach that until much, much later into a relationship, and even then it wouldn’t be a big deal / no pressure exerted to try anything.

This is anonymous, isn't it? My sister has no children and is single, thus she is not on Mumsnet.

Surely it's for your sister to discuss what she's comfortable doing in bed during the condom talk. She needs to make it clear that she doesn't consent to anything without being asked and lists things she doesn't want to do.

It sounds unromantic but if she's having one night stands, she doesn't know these men and I've heard horror stories of choking, hitting and other unwanted sex acts and the woman has gone along with it because of fear or because she's frozen.

The man can then decide if he wants "vanilla" sex and the parameters are crystal clear. She can dump any creep who tries to bully her into things she doesn't want to do.

Anyone can join MN.

Why the heck are you obsessed with saying the op cant post?

I think its a problem, op.

Porn has a massive amount to answer for.

You think a single post informing the OP that MN isn't only for parents is an "obsession"?

She's dating men between 35-45. Not sure if she uses free sites.

My last ex I met on online dating, the sex started off quite promising but quite early on he started talking about anal sex. I'm quite open minded but I very quickly realised that he only wanted to do 4 things - anal sex was one of them. He took no feedback from me at all about what I wanted, I didn't want anal sex and quite frankly by the end I would rather of had a cup of tea then have sex with him again.

Why would anyone join a mother's group if they have no children?

I don't have children and it's not a mother's group. It's a public forum with a load of different topics, parenting is easily avoided.

Men who watch porn are selfish and shit in bed. Either they can’t get it up or they think they can put their hands on your neck or they pester for anal sex or they try anal sex without seeking consent or they push your head down during BJs. The list is endless.

They’re not interested in a woman’s pleasure. All men who are addicted to porn and reading this: you’re shit in bed. And if you haven’t already got ED you’ll start developing it.