It was obvious those responses would be blanket "correct" and everyone else would be "rape apologists who dared to even suggest police/rape/rape crisis centres " may be an extreme choice.
Whether you like it or not : it is a grey area.
Example 1: a woman is threatened by no reason by a man that she doesn't know. He puts his hands on her neck and leaves bruises. Kicks her abd runs away. That is 'assault'
Example 2: two teen boys fall out with each other. They exchange insults. Boy 2 spits at boy 1 (the spit doesn't quite reach him ) he cycles off. Boy 1 has just been "assaulted" legally.
Example 3: mum frog marches her 15yr old daughter to the drs surgery to insist her Dr inserts a contraceptive implant. Daughter doesn't want it and feels forced into it. The nurse doesn't question the daughter any further but goes ahead and puts the implant it . The daughter has legally been "assaulted".
Assault is a crime. All 3 fall under "assault" . Police for all ? You could. But you would ?
Rape:
Example 1: man unknown to woman drags her into an alley and violently rapes her under threat.
Example 2: woman enjoys a date with a hot guy. Got guy invites her back to watch a movie. She believes it's just a movie and a kiss and cuddle. He wants sex. Whilst they're watching the movie he starts trying to put his hand down her trousers. She feels uncomfortable and awkward and says she's not really up for that yet. He pressures her and carries on undressing her. She feels uncomfortable and repeats "I'm not really ..." He pretends she isn't making attempts to protest and sticks his penis in her. She ends up with it happening to her through fear and shock and feeling frozen. She brings it up with him the next day and he texts "come on, you know what we were going back to my place for , don't play the innocent, you enjoyed it as much as I did ".
A very black and white example. A more covert example that we can see is rape but could easily be twisted in court by the perpetrator.
Now: married couple. They're married. Long term. Very much known to each other. Regular consensual sex.
- no abuse or history of in any category
-respectful in all ways usually.
The husband initiates sexual contact whilst the wife is asleep. There has never been any agreement or disagreement whether this is ok. (These people are married and have good knowledge of each other) Many couples are ok with initiating sex whilst the other is asleep and it goes from there. Horrifying if done to you by a randomer. But it is something married or long term together people can and do do.
Now : woman allows penetration, is awake and it happens and husband finishes. Wife said nothing during or afterwards. Unusual practice to not communicate that you didn't like it or want it when the person is someone you do not fear and are long term together with.
It's obvious that the first port of call (to me anyway) in this scenario, would be to have a conversation and make it very clear that you did not like that and it will not be happening again.
It's grey: and I get that. You can argue from both angles. But I do stand by mine.
Adding to this : chance of conviction is nil. So why competitively encourage her to label herself a rape victim and put herself through police services to zero avail ?
If there's kids involved - an otherwise happy home life is smashed to smithereens over a desire to label this act and her husband.
To me : it's feminists desperate to prove a point on a technicality, that in the process ruins both their lives (for ultimately no end point ) and achieves maximum drama for all involved.
In this particular scenario: I maintain: a conversation is a starting point.