Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

Mentioning that you get on well with your ex when your profile photo is of your wedding.

This is so true 😂
I have a friend in his late 70's who still bikes. He could pass for 25+ when fully attired.
Sans helmet, not so much.

All of this!

Except the grumpy bit, but grumpy is valid in the circs

I posted about this one at the time. This was the bio:

'I'm a strong confident alpha male looking for a relationship with a kind feminine nurturing woman that looks for her man to lead’

I know it will appeal to some, but I just found it quite alarming.

There are Anglophone women who live in different countries and time zones; they are not necessarily insomniacs!

@fazeout I'm chatting to a guy. Two messages a day.... wow!! 😂😂

Good morning
and
How was your day?!

Hi and 👋

if you’re really lucky 😂😂

@Nosdacariad got it in one 😂😂

@TwistedWonder i get have a lovely day and.....zilch conversation 😂😂😂 he sent me a gif saying he missed me..... Not even met 😂😂😂

I saw a profile that said
No slags, I dont want to be stirring another man's porridge in there.
Made me wonder if anyone had matched with him ever.

Never tried OLD but I have friends who have and pretty much all the stuff mentioned on here they've told me too.
I've been single for 2 years+ and it's probably for the best looking at the delightful specimens available 🤣

That is a new level of yuk

I saw a woman’s profile that said she wouldn’t leave the house without ‘Condoms, Lube, Femfresh wipes’. Guess she’d have been no good for your Porridge guy 🤣🤣

Just dipping my toe in now at the age of 56

Are these awful profiles from younger men? Hoping single men on OLD in their 50s are of better quality.

My favourite dating story from my friends is my mate went on a date with a man to a local pub that does nice food.
As the waitress came to the their Oder, he whipped out his phone and said to her ‘what discount do i get with this voucher?’ She told him it was buy one main get second free. She then asked if they wanted starters and he jumped in ‘ no just mains so I can use my voucher’

After they’d eaten their meal waitress asked if they wanted the dessert menu - he immediately replied ‘no just the bill’

He then said to my mate ‘this is my treat you can repay me later’ and winked 🙈

They walked out to car park and he said ‘my car is right at the back, shall we get on the back?’ My mate replied ‘no thanks I need to get home’ - he then called her a cock trade and a gold digger - because she wouldn’t have a shag in his car for a BOGOF cod and chips!

As she drove home her phone lunged - he told her to send him her half of the bill as she’d taken his generosity under false pretences.

She just blocked him!

Btw this man was mid/late 50’s

I’m 59 and my experience is no they really aren’t - the over 50’s generally fall into 3 camps

They're chasing women 10/15/20 years their junior

They're sleazy creepy pests after casual sex with lines that would make Jay from the Inbetweeners cringe.

They’re looking for a nurse with a purse to cook clean provide sex and wipe their arse into their dotage.

There may be some decent ones out there but honestly me and my friends haven’t found any of those rainbow unicorns

Classy !

Um...so sorry 🙂 watch out for my ex 😅

And for category three also be prepared to provide housing and be their pension plan.

@FenderStrat I'm 56 and the answer is the older ones are the worst!!! 😂😂😂 Sorry to disappoint you..... the younger guys are normally more flattering. Guys our age just want to moan about the ex/wife they are still married to but more like sister/brother relationship/ amount of pills they are taking 😂😂😂
I know there are some really lovely people but I always end up with the dregs 😂

Bugger

I have a horrible feeling that whatever the age, you’re still going to have to filter like mad and have a sense of humour! It doesn’t mean there’s no good fish in the pond, just that you’ll be throwing a lot back before you find them

We’re not all like that!

@Bittenonce I know.... I did say that in my post. Some people do find love and a happy ever after. I'm really pleased for them. But I never do so maybe that's why I have a slightly jaded attitude?? 🤷💐💞