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Original poster

Easier without DH, I'm livid

154 replies

SuperMonkey889 · 06/08/2025 03:29

First time mum to an extremely active 12 month old. No family nearby at all, just me and DH. He had to take a 2 week work trip recently, I cannot tell you how much I was dreading it. I was genuinely scared how I'd cope alone with DS, on top of working full time.

Well....DH is back and....I've just realised it was easier without him. Not physically, physically it was harder (especially as DS was teething for half the time so was waking 5x night for a few days).

Mentally, so much easier. No negotiations, no having to give instructions, no expectations unmet, no moaning from DS because DH is meant to watch him but he's looking at his phone, wasn't stuck in the house because DH NEVER wants to go out in the morning.

On paper, DH does a lot. But it's all under my "supervision" (I can't find a better word, management maybe?). It's fucking exhausting.

Anyway, I can barely look at DH now. I'm so angry with him. It's like a mask has fallen off or something and I've realized just how much I do and how useless he is. Where do I go from here?

OP posts:
ReadingTime · 07/08/2025 00:23

Phobiaphobic · 06/08/2025 10:11

When women complain - justifiably - men just hear their mothers and childish auto-resistance kicks in. Most never grow out of it and cannot tolerate any demand from a female.

Oh crap. This is it isn't it.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 07/08/2025 11:48

@beAsensible1 I can completely agree that parenting isn't inherent, completely.

People pick up a great deal from their own upbringing unconsciously - even the people who choose to do things very differently do at least have one example that goes very deep indeed, whether or not they mostly reject that blueprint.

Beyond the deeply instilled blueprint the conscious rules of good parenting - lovingness, consistency, interest and healthy boundaries - can be taught and learned.

What I'm not at all sure of is that many many men want to step up and learn, even at the cost of neglected children and slowly dying marriages. It's a matter of the will to learn being present or not, often.

CarpeVitam · 07/08/2025 15:03

Starseeking · 06/08/2025 06:14

I had the same @KickHimInTheCrotch. My EX did nothing when we were together. He’d never even put the DC to bed as “it took too long and he had things to do”.

Now, 4 years post split DC stay with him very regularly and he does everything he should have done with them when we were together. If he’d have stepped up back then, we may not have ended up splitting.

My sympathies OP, I have no useful advice assuming you want to stay with your DH, as the only action that caused mine to step up was me leaving for good. Life is so much less stressful now.

Yes. Oftentimes they just do not pay attention / listen to what you’re saying, until it’s too late. 🙄

Sad really 😞

BountifulPantry · 04/03/2026 21:58

Go out for the day/ overnight somewhere. Wave him cheerily off at the door.

See what happens. A good experiment.

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