Escalated scary situation with husband

[Lollalolly1]

Hi all.
i posted last night about a situation with my husband. Basically splitting after alcohol abuse, using escorts and being vile to me. This is all escalating very quickly. I took advice and started to grey rock him, giving polite but non engaging answers. He has spent the day belittling me and being nasty and calling me names in front of the kids. I’ve tried not to escalate it and keep it all happy for the kids but it’s impossible. He is even being horrible to them now.
Ive just had my son in crying his eyes out over why we argue so much (i dont argue i just try to pacify). I’ve tried to reassure him and comfort him but I can’t control my husbands behaviour. He was also sat downstairs earlier, messaging loads of women to meet and have sex with.
I’ve gone down after the kids went to sleep to try to make some peace and begged him to just be nice to me in front of them. He basically told me to fuck off and he doesn’t care, He is sat with bottles all around him, looking as pale as a ghost, been drinking from 11am.
I really need him to leave as this is so damaging to the children. However he hasn’t done anything that I could say to police or whatever that’s bad enough as he is so subtle in how he operates.
I was ok but now I’ve seen my son like this I’m utterly heartbroken. What can I do? I’m happy for him to see other women as long as he stops this in front of the children. It feels so damaging and I can’t do anything about it. Any advice please?

Sounds like he could be causing you harassment, alarm, or distress. You could phone 101 for advice

is there somewhere you and kids can go? Do you own your house? Are you in the position to rent somewhere? This needs to end. You need to get away

I think you should call this organisation OP:

The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on tel: 0808 2000 247 0808 2000 247 for free at any time, day or night.

Hopefully you will get advice from them.

Get your divorce application started - it’s so slow you need to get it started as there’s a 20 week cooling off period you have to go through then even after that there’s still months before anything happens. If he’s already being a dick hopefully it won’t change his mood or make him worse. Better still could you do a joint application? Bit quicker I think that way. Good luck

He is supposed to be moving out this week but I feel it’s so damaging to the children and I really want him gone like yesterday, I can’t reason with him or get him to be civil, Being an alcoholic doesn’t mean they can make him leave does it?

Thank you. It’s really starting to feel abusive although he has never been physical. I can’t actually call now as he is in the house. I feel awful for my poor kids and feel so guilty I’m not able to stop this. Why would he be so cruel. I don’t care about being horrible to me but to do it to the kids is beyond me.

Is there anyone large and male and youngish who can come and stay tonight? Sometimes it’s the only language these absolute boneheads understand.

He is 100% causing all 3! He is on at me all day, criticising me, telling me I’m this or that, twisting my words. If I shrug it off he just keeps on at me over and over, even when I’m trying to play with the kids or change the subject,

Unfortunately not. I with there was. I am a bit scared to go to sleep. Even though he hasn’t done anything physical before I’m worried he will come up in the night

Don't you feel guilty OP.
He is the one behaving absolutely dreadfully. He is responsible for his own behaviour. Only he can change it.

Sleep in with one of the kids if possible

Omg why do you say that? I’m actually feeling like a nervous wreck right now,

Ring the police, tell them you have a volatile ex partner who won't leave the house and you fear for your safety and that of your children.

I honestly think you and the children need to leave as soon as possible. Can you stay with anyone? This doesn't sound safe for any of you.

Can I actually do that? What would the police do? Won’t they want evidence? I don’t have any evidence bar him being drunk but now asleep

Can you get together a bag of essentials for the kids and leave? Go to parents, friends, relatives. If not now then start packing essentials, leave them with a friend, relatives and make a plan. Pack mobile, passports, bank cards, change of clothes etc and leave them with a friend or neighbour. Just make a plan to get out if you need to in a hurry. Men can be such dicks!

It doesn’t feel that safe but he has never been physical in the many years of marriage, it’s the emotional abuse that’s really taking its toll on all of us. All of the kids are fast asleep now and have been for some time, I’m just feeling like I can’t go to sleep or rest as I’m living with a volatile monster.

I haven't seen any of your previous posts but he is unlikely to leave of his own accord. What is the Housing situation ? Have you reached out to womens aid ? Social services ?

I think I’m going to see out the night and try to stay awake and then do this tomorrow although I don’t have anyone to stay with.

Am I not overreacting then? He hasn’t threatened me or anything but he has just put us through mental torment all day. Is this classed as something that I can call women’s aid or something over or too trivial. I have no evidence of anything as it’s all subtle and never in front of anyone

Have you got access to money ?

And yes this is absolutely grounds for womens aid they are excellent at abusive cowards

This wasn’t my post but it is what I thought when you said you were concerned about him coming up during the night. He is less likely to try anything if you in a room with a child.

Do you rent or own this house?

I haven’t as this has all escalated in the past few days when he decided I have been stealing from him (I 100% haven’t!). It’s like he has changed it to I’m the bad one in the situation. He drank previously but this is just insane.

It's no wonder you're scared. You need a plan of action for tomorrow. Do your kids share a room by any chance?