Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

[Uberella]

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken.

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends.

I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it.

I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning.

I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

That's OK, but it's not protected as hetero rights under the legal definition.

no one believes that but there are people on this thread who want to claim victim status by deliberately misinterpreting what the vast majority of posters are saying.

Sure, I got that, but he's still the same person and so are bi people, they can be great people and that's my point...

Didn’t Philip Scholfield try and make out it was all new to him and he was just coming to terms with it 🙄 what I do remember is seeing pictures of his wife and she looked drawn and unhappy.

I worked in media in the early 90s and it was known then he was gay (or bi). Just wiki’d it and he was unmarried at the time so the talk was of him being gay.

THANK YOU!!!!

I did in a previous post on this thread.

No, not when we first started dating. I found out maybe two or three year in.

I am still yet to find anybody answering my questions.

Can I ask you why it makes you sick?

It's just you fancy men too, so I don't understand why you can't think 'yeah I get it, he sees the beauty I see in the person'?

I'm just wondering why your desires make you feel sick when placed on someone you obviously have a lot of common ground with.

Maybe because not everyone is in the fortunate position of being able to 'leave their husbands immediately'.

If you can, you're speaking from a place of privilege.

He may just have been trying to show support to your children by sharing that aspect of himself with them. I get it is a shock but in this case there is a good reason he may shared it - if still be upset not to be the first person he told though.

Historically, the L and G are just as excluding of the B as heterosexual people are.

Lots of straight women here: 'If my husband fancied men, I'd feel sick'

Many gay men: 'I couldn't be with a man who's slept with a woman before'
Many lesbian women: 'I couldn't be with a woman who's slept with a man before'

Bisexual people have been excluded from most places in the past.

Okay imagine all the questions without leaving immediately. The withdrawal of love and my other questions still stand.

If my partner was honest and let me know in the beginning and didn't cheat I might not have had such a problem,but unfortunately he decided to lie and cheat and neglect me which I think is cowardly ,I am sorry but I don't find the thought of my man having sex with a man and then coming home to me appealing ,any one else can if it's what they are into but I know it's not for me.

It wasn't me who you were debating with.

I am a heterosexual woman who only wants to be with a straight man.

There's thousands of threads on this board where straight men have been cheating, sleeping with prostitutes, paying for cam girls, having long term affairs. All of the above. It isn't specific to being bi.

That's a him issue though, not a bi issue. He's a cheat because he's a cheat, not because he's bi. And if he was with women you'd most likely not be happy with that either.
Your issue is with that bi man and not bi men in general.

No,but if you are bi you tell your partner in the beginning,I just don't like the thought of my man having it off with a man ,it's not what I signed up for

Oh, I'd have no problem with him "seeing the beauty" in anyone, male or female. But being bi or gay means sexual attraction to the same sex. Him fancying another bloke would be a turn-off for me, and that's all there is to it. You are asking me to explain it in ideological terms, which is ridiculous.

You obviously think it is fine, even necessary, to impose moral/political standards and expectations about what people "ought" to feel. I don't.

I was very much on the side of the people who thought everyone overreacted to him coming out - until this post which has made me see the other point of view (though I still think a few posters do have a bit of homophobia in there when they talk about it being disgusting). You’re right I would find it a bit hard to get my head round the difference in aesthetics even if it was other women. Not impossible - but certainly more than just a concern about their reasons for coming out.

I'll answer. I do love my husband yes. And yes, his straightness is a condition of that love, or at least of the sexual expression of that love, partly because of what you say — the kind of man he exists as in my mind, as well as the kind of man he 'is'. If I found out he had had sex with other men, and that was a facet of his sexual behaviour rather than an adolescent one off, it would change how I fantastise about him in my mind and what I imagine when we have sex, that mode of arousal, which is partly to do with how he is viewing me. Sexuality is complicated, and the only real requirement to satisfying sex is that we are turned on by our partners. If some aspect of what we know or find out about them repels us then that ends the sexual satisfaction part and it is over. This is why the normal rules of tolerance and acceptance don't really apply to sex. It is instinctive — and sure, those instincts are shaped and honed by prejudice, but the other option is we ignore our instincts entirely or just submit to sex to 'be nice'. Anyone examining the contours of their sexual preferences too closely is going to find some pretty f*cked-up stuff there, which is why we mostly don't and just accept at face value what makes us turned on - and accept it when people state their preferences. For whatever reason, you aren't willing to do this.

No but I would know the score then,it's a bit of a mind game if suddenly your man won't come near you but all of a sudden meets random guys and has f* buddies behind your back and you sit at home thinking what the hell is going on

It would turn me off. I wouldn’t voluntarily be with a man who has been with other men. I don’t like the idea of my man having a dick in his mouth or having his dick in a man’s mouth. The rest you can guess. Would a totally gay man like the idea of their partner (who they thought was totally gay) going down on a woman?

I have seen a lot of gay men on these websites saying how a woman's parts are disgusting etc so I know this is prob true ,the thought of my man having his privates in other man's places a bit off putting too esp when I have seen the evidence .

I call bullshit.

This is yet another 'start a debate and disappear' thread.

This crossed my mind as well!

All the people who are saying he will cheat are as freaked out as you by the omission. He may not act upon it at all. So he is attracted to men doesn’t mean he’ll act on it. I am the only straight person in my household and it may be that he was having a conversation with with your children about it if they came out to him. He could have been reassuring him. We don’t know all the facts so can’t be making assumptions