Affair partners, what do you class as a predator

[Clairebearstares]

I’ve been seeing a lot recently the other woman in an affair often getting called a predator as in they have gone out of their way to snag a married man. Obviously the man has done the wrong thing to his partner regardless but I’m curious what traits do you see in a woman to class her as a predator. I never thought of the other woman as a predator but now that I’ve been seeing it pop up it really makes me wonder…..

pursued my husband, didn’t win at first but worked her way in over a couple of years by flattering him, waited on him, bagged out her husband to mine, tried to befriend me (had mutual friends) ect ect.

interested to hear others thoughts

I did at the start. According to her husband that’s what made it worse. Should have shut my mouth and ceased any form of contact. Just meant I would lose my whole friend group which I did anyway in the end

some people are gross aren’t they

He told you that himself? After he took full responsibility? Or you deduced it from the way he hid every time she turned up and complained to you bitterly that he didn't know how long he could resist her advances and could you protect him from her.

I’ve known at least one woman like this. For some reason, MN doesn’t accept they exist or absolves them of any blame.

That made me laugh, thanks

Well HE should have done it, as the target of her ambitions. Only he could have made it embarrassingly clear to her in front of everyone that she was nuts for going after him.

I’m getting that vibe 😂😂

agreed!!!

It’s not that black and white

Oh please OP!
He showed you the message as he was enjoying having two women ‘fighting’ over him.

He did not need your help over what to do. All he needed to do was firmly closely her down and block her. He didn’t because he loved the attention and he wanted to keep the potential of her open.

You have the narrative many ‘wives who stay’ have to create to be able to stay. The other woman was the sly, clever, cunning one, and your dear H was just a fool, dumb, made a mistake. This is timeless sexism.

Believe it if you have to. But you really aren’t going to convince anyone except other married women who are forced to believe the same to stay in their marriages.

Oh they totally exist and anyone who deliberately targets attached people to pursue for sex as some sort of sick game is an absolute scumbag of the highest order.. That goes for men and women.

However the attached person has the ability to say no and mean no. They’re not innocent victims and blaming the OW completely for the DH cheating screams of misogyny- especially when we look at some of the sexist terms used.

It was not like that at all. If I was to write the whole story and fill all the gaps for everyone we would all be here for a very long time and all I really wanted to know was are some woman really that pathetic and the answer is yes, yes they are. Was my husbands actions also pathetic??? You betcha!!!

There are nasty men and women out there who would go after married men or women, it's up to the people they target to show some moral fibre and say no. I know they just can't resist these femme (or men) fatales, but why not? Don't they love and respect their wives or husbands? Most of the blame still lies with the partners not the interlopers.

It’s not that we don’t think women like this exist.

It’s that we don’t think that men who are too stupid to be capable of resisting exist.

All married men can say No. Some do. The ones that say yes, very much freely chose to because they very much to.

I don’t think anyone is blaming the OW completely, or would seek to. Rather, most posters seem to be saying the man is 100% at fault for succumbing to their advances, no matter how persistent.

Sorry my verbal diarrhoea is bad, things just pop in my head and come out. I should work on that. I’m not sexist I only hate specific people some are mean some are woman

Well, nobody denies that some crazy flirters exist, male and female, call them predators if you like. They are exceedingly common, in fact. However, safe for those who turn into outright stalkers or sexual abusers, they are very easy to shut down by their target if the target wants to.

I don’t agree most are saying he’s 100% to blame. Most are responding to the OP’s attempts to paint him as some sort of unwilling victim of an evil woman when they’re both culpable

I think they are both 100% at fault

That’s not how percentages work!

I don’t know how many times I’ve said he’s 100% accountable for what he did. I never asked what anyone thought about that, I asked for views on the other woman, it stuns me how many people don’t place any blame on a woman deliberately setting out to destroy another woman, what happened to girl power and having each others backs?

There’s always one

As I understand it OP is saying the OW had no business pursuing a married man in the first place, let alone over a number of years. This is not, I think, an unreasonable argument.

She wouldn’t have put that level of interest into your husband, I’d bet money your husband is lying.. Chipped away at indeed.
She spent three years flirting and showing interest in your husband because your husband egged her on, because he has a massive ego and little respect for you.
To answer your question, What sort of woman likes staring affairs/relationships with married men? I do know someone like this, she’s 46 and has never had a real relationship, all affairs. She comes across to me as someone who on the one hand is very judgmental towards other women… It’s not my fault that she’s (the wife) let herself go and her husband needs me to be happy. I feel like deep down she is extremely insecure and unhappy, she’s more a friend of a friend and I find her pathetic.

One what? I’m agreeing with you, but both parties can’t each shoulder all the blame.