Husband slapped friend in a bikinis bum when drunk.

[Sarahnetheands]

Yesterday we were all having a few drinks and then everyone started getting more and more drunk. All day my husband had been kind of grabbing my bum when people were not looking, I kind of thought that was a sacred thing. However at the end of the night my friend who can be quite let’s say, loose, when she is drunk, was dancing around in a bikini most the night since someone told her to take her shorts off. Anyway she purposely kept bending over “cleaning cupboards” and dancing, the ratio was 2: women to 5 men including me and my husband. She had been kind of handsy with all the men throughout the night, I saw at one point she tried to kiss my husbands cheek but he did pull away
about an hour or two later My husband walks past and slaps her on the side of her body, I’m not sure if it was her bum but it still was wildly inappropriate and I felt disgusted. He is saying he doesn’t even remember doing it and just says I apologize, but I don’t feel like that’s good enough?

any advice on how to deal with this? Am I wrong?

I’m now thinking what would have happened if I wasn’t there, and it wasn’t my friend, can he handle himself when he is drunk or will he give into temptation.

Quite.
Nice little intro of Loose Madam tempting the poor, helpless drunk 😔.

He really should pack in the drinking. Next he'll have drunkenly cheated on yoi and have no recollection.

The whole group lacks boundaries and class.
I'd have been skeeved out at the ratio of men to women with the men egging one of the only two women to take her shorts off.
So to split justice, if you are going to blame the other woman, best you take the blame for being the only other woman and not telling the men to cool their heels , demanding a show from a drunk woman.
As for your husband? I don't come from that White British " let's get pissy arsed drunk" as a leisure pursuit background, but I think that it is time to seriously consider sobriety.

I would not have it in me to take on the notion that I am with somebody who drinks themselves into amnesia. Or feeling up a woman in my presence.

So something would have to give - either the sauce or the marriage.
Change your company, too. Your female friend sounds vulnerable and intentional ( bad combination) and the men seem to be on the " dodgepot" spectrum.

God knows what they and your husband get up to when you are not around.

Yuck your friend sounds gross acting like that around her friends partners. Your husband is also gross. Although ... it sounds like a very drunk night with people being stupid and things getting out of hand. I'd probably ditch the friend, or at least not have drunk nights like that again and tell my DH next time he does that, he'll be leaving in a body bag. This is the sort of thing I did in my 20s and 30s so I have some tolerance, but in your 40s or 50s it seems a bit much. I think of no one cares then fine, but obviously you aren't happy

The only person you should be mad at OP, is yourself for being part of all of this. No wonder it got out of hand with endless amounts of alcohol. And then it’s all about kissing people and arse slapping. Get a taxi and say the goodbye to everyone, before the shorts are off and bums come out.

Ha ha, that's actually good advice. Once bums come out it's all downhill 😆

@Sarahnetheands, it sounds like the order of the day was heavy drinking, blurred boundaries, and sexy touching. Toxic choices and debased dynamics led to this train wreck.

Your desperate ‘Friend’ was handsy with all the men, and when one or more of the sleazy gits asked her to remove her shorts, she complied and proceeded to shake her tail feather for their gaze. [At this point, if not before, my H and I would have made our exit.] She eventually grabbed your H and put her lips on his face, which, considering her thirsty behavior, was different than a friendly cheek peck under normal circumstances. He did pull away, but later negated that gesture when he made the lustful move of smacking her bum or bare side. He had been groping you all day (which would have been clocked) and you believed that was exclusive between you, but apparently not. He was beyond out of order and his alcohol consumption was no excuse. I don’t believe that he has no memory of his grubby touching of F. I’d be wondering what he gets up to in your absence, including with her, and wouldn’t hesitate to investigate his phone.

@Sarahnetheands, you now know that H cannot be trusted to keep his hands to himself, but if you’re going attempt to move forward, then both of you must curtail the drinking and distance yourselves from F (who is not really your friend) and this debauched, weak-boundaried group. His pathetic ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it. If he doesn’t take responsibility for this destructive breach and work hard to make amends, I would be ending the relationship.

Sounds like a lot of drunk people with very blurred boundaries.
Of course your husband shouldn't slap her bum.
I think that with the overly sexually charged atmosphere of men encouraging your friend to take off her shorts, and her bending suggestively over cupboards, and him slapping your bum, then id probably see this whole event as a bit of a wakeup call about everyones boundaries tbh.
Your husband went too far, but considering it sounds like that sort of party, then i think id want to talk to him about it but dont act like he has just randomly done it to a friend innocently swimming in swimwear.

Honestly I really wouldn't give it a second thought

All increasingly drunk, friend being increasingly flirty , sounds like a recipe for disaster. Should he have smacked her bum, no, is it a relationship ending issue, not really just a warning about what happens when too much alcohol is involved

I think you need to talk to your husband about his drinking levels. He shouldn't be losing control and I'd expect a cut back or a stop.

@dontignoreauti you weren’t the girl at the party prancing in her bikini were you?

Bunch of boring pissheads.

If her vagina is hanging out, she's got bigger problems than her dignity. Like, a prolapse. Her vulva, on the other hand...

TBH I'm still processing your husband repeatedly grabbing your bum as being "sacred".

What an image! 😱

😂

Loss of control and microcheating isn't cute. He can be single if he wants to flirt with other people 😉

Sorry but ‘sacred’ bum groping did make me laugh, this is all so very silly. Such a weird social situation, it’s really no wonder something went over the line one way or another. It doesn’t sound like he even slapped her bum in a sexual way anyway, more her side, you say, which is more silly?
anyway, stop hanging out with her seeing as you don’t like her or her behaviour, and don’t be surprised when drunk idiots act like, well, idiots.

Everyone had too much to drink number 1
Number 2 , your friend dancing around in her bikini bottoms & being all ‘ handsy ‘ with the men , what age are we talking here?
I’d be annoyed with my husband alright , but then I would have gone home with my husband when my friend took off her shorts & was all over the guys 🤷🏻‍♀️..

Sounds like a party was had and there would have been a lot of sore heads the next day.

My mum always told me ‘nothing good happens after 12… and that means drinks and time!’

I think you have to either be like nah I’m not into this whole situation and leave (and have the conversation like ew that was awkward and embarrassing so he knows you will not go there) or you have to be up for a bit of naughty behaviour.

she didn’t put her clothes on, she weirdly kissed him, and you didn’t kick up any sort of a fuss OR quietly point out to him what a tit she was making of herself. Would he have agreed had you said this to him?

I do know if my husband was with me he wouldn’t have slapped my friend’s arse. A) because it’s rude to her and me but B) because we’ve always been very clear about what we would and wouldn’t do as a couple or individually. I think you need to have that conversation where you’re like look a bit of flirtatious banter yes, touching no…or whatever your boundaries are.

but also, I’d question what happens next time he’s out - if he’s on a stag do and can get that ott with his wife right there, what’s he going to do behind your back.

also, she is NOT your friend. She is toxic and attention seeking. Get rid asap. It’s not your fault, you shouldn’t have had to do anything or prevent anything. You just have a weird situation and a shit friend (and an ungentlemanly husband with a stirring interest in swinging it seems).

Yes, let it go but ask him to apologise to the woman too

For me it depends whether this is a one off or a pattern of behaviour. If he’s never done anything like that before, I would give him a piece of my mind and then move on. It sounds like she was behaving in a very inappropriate way and I agree that when drink is involved, things get messy. You said that he did pull away when she tried to kiss him which is a positive. That feels much more personal than a slap on the bum. He may have done it, in a drunken moment, to express disapproval rather than due to feeling attracted. I’d write it off as his ‘drunken one off’ and leave it there, never inviting those people over or repeating that set up again. If he has behaved in that manner before, it’s a different matter altogether.

You think you've heard everything them you hear sacred bum groping.😆

🤡☠️

OP. You've landed in the drunk and stupid part of Animal House. Is this really where you want to live?